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 Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 8:36 pm
Have you ever had to sneak out your lolita clothes and change when you arrive at your destination?
I find myself doing that now.
My mother doesn't like the petticoat at all, and comments that the outfits make me look like a little kid. I haven't shown her more than a casual outfit because of that.
I've decided that now, because of that, I will start wearing lolita. Just not in front of my parents.
Maybe it's stupid, maybe I should just wait until I move out of the house, but I'm sick and tired of only being able to stare at the clothes sitting in my wardrobe.
Would you do the same as I am?
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 7:51 am
I do the same thing. I'll have to change clothes once i leave the house. It's really annoying. i still do sometimes. like for cosplay. just wear what you want. if your parents don't like it just tell them. in a nice way obviously. "look, i wanna wear this. If you don't like it then thats fine. But im gonna keep wearing it." idk. something like that.
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 1:43 pm
Sneaking around your parents, about anything, is just going to cause trouble. I also encourage having a serious discussion with your parents, trying to stay as mature as possible about it.
If you act like it's something you need to hide or are ashamed of, it will only reinforce their misconception that there's something wrong with it. It is not what is considered normal, but it's not dangerous or sick. You know that it's alot more modest and refined than alot of popular fashion (this is not to say all of it is) and if you can make them understand that, then they won't be worried about their little girl putting herself in a dangerous position, which is probably all they're worried about.
They might not understand, but if you don't try to help them to it guarantees they never will.
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 1:52 pm
I don't. I show off all of the lolita things that I buy to my parents.
I have a friend who usually changes into her lolita outfits at my house or her boyfriend's house. She's 20 years old and her parents know that she wears it. (Her mom even bought her a Bodyline skirt for her birthday.) But her dad doesn't like it, so she changes elsewhere to avoid conflict.
Kittywitch has a good point. You shouldn't go sneaking around. I know that a lot of teenagers change clothes after leaving the house (I never did.), but if you get caught, it'll only make matters worse.
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 2:21 pm
Hm, okay. I'll lay it off for now, then.
Kittywitch, I shall take that advice! It'll take some courage to have a sit down conversation with my parents, but after hearing what you said, I think I should do that.
And even if they don't really like it at first, who knows, maybe if I take it slowly for them, they'll warm up to it? I'd hope!
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 5:33 pm
Kittywitch is right, but I gotta admit, my dad was kinda strict, and I have always loved sexy cosplay, so when I was younger I'd wear jeans to conventions and change later. =3=
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Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 7:09 pm
Oh you poor things!! That's so sad; my parents are ok with it as long as I pay for it myself. When I was in Japan with my two uncles, they made faces at all the frills but they didn't say anything bad about it. They were just in awe and shocked by all the lace and bows; dragging they through baby the star shine bright and angelic pretty probaly most have been akward for them, but I had over 50000 yen and I wasn't going to pass this up.
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 4:08 am
The only time I snuck clothes without my parents knowing was a white dress I covered in fake blood to go see a zombie movie with friends xp
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:45 am
I don't sneak out, no. I got into lolita while I was in college, so I had no need to. I built my confidence in wearing it before I moved back home and got my present job, and that has made the most difference, I think. I knew what I wanted and how to tell them, and because of that they respected my decision.
My dad doesn't "get" it, but he doesn't get most of what I do [why I wanted to be a graphic designer and not some sort of business degree or scientist, why I wanted to go to school in the middle of nowhere, why I spend "so much time" on the computer, etc.] because that's just how my dad is. He's a Baby Boomer and I'm stuck between Gen X and Gen Y because I was born in that awkward period where I have the nostalgia of Gen X in my bones, but the technology savvy of Gen Y [minus the text typing] in my brain. That just puts a big gap in between our mentalities. He's pretty liberal on most points, but now and then he's just tightlaced as hell.
Anyway, my advice to you is to go through it slowly. Work through talks about why lolita is important to you, even if it's a casual mention in another conversation. Make sure that you have valid points before you start doing this [ie: how does it make you feel, why are you wearing it, brush up on your history and the different philosophies of the brands you like, etc.]. Also make sure that you consider their arguments ahead of time. Think about why it makes them uncomfortable, since they've clearly told you, and decide if your decision is a stronger one than their fears. That goes back to the "why are you wearing it" question.
I would sit down and make a list of all of those things. Really think about it, and get it all out on paper so it's tangible. It will be a benefit to you, as well as to your parents.
Also, make sure you have answers to their fears, solutions that will make them realize you've considered everything thoroughly and that you're making an informed and mature decision. If they're afraid that looking so different puts you in danger, promise you'll always carry your cell phone, always be with friends, and always tell them where you are going ahead of time or when plans change. If their fears are more socially founded, address them accordingly. For example, my mom was afraid that I would be mistaken for someone who has a sexual fetish for being treated like a little girl, that I would attract the wrong sort of attention. She and I discussed this, in relation to the fashion, the book, and how I feel when I wear the clothes. It took a while for her to understand, but now she knows that lolita makes me happy, and even agrees that sometimes it looks really good on me, which makes me even happier.
It will take some compromise, too. I don't go full-out on a daily basis, mostly because of work, but partly because it makes them uncomfortable. When I do go full-out, though, I'm sure to show them, and let them say what they think, and answer their concerns.
As Kittywitch has said, don't just let it fester. Address is. Hiding it and skulking around in the shadows is just going to keep that stigma going strong. Even if they don't get it, they'll at least respect that you're grown up enough to face them with your choice.
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Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 9:48 am
I've never had to sneak anything out of the house, but then, my parents also don't have a problem with like... ANYTHING. When i wanted to dye my hair blue, well, it was just hair, it'll grow back out. When i wanted to wear lolita, well, its just clothes, just make sure you don't get raped/killed/robbed. They prefer if i wear my lolita when i'm with at least one other person if its night time, but they prefer me to go out with at least one other person if its night time, so yeah.
However, i did have a lot of friends who had to sneak out clothing. The issue normally came when it was time to wash their clothes. My advice would be along the same line as Kittywitch's... Talk to your parents. Explain to them that you aren't trying to look like a small child, you aren't thinking "and today i'll be *****!" Explain to them that this is an alternative fashion, and ask them what their main concerns are. Listen to your parents too, since your asking them to listen to you. And start mixing lolita with normal clothing, just so that they see the elements in something more normal - like put a blouse and jeans on. things like that.
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Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 10:13 am
My mother HATES lolita. Actually hates isn't even a strong enough word. She's always calling it stupid, saying I look stupid and ridiculous in it, and in gerenal trash talking about it and me in it. I still wear it out in front of her though. The typical routine is her throwing a fit about me going out in it, and me telling her I don't care what she thinks and wearing it anyways. Trying to come to any agreement or understanding over it has been tried and failed many times.
I think you should just wear it out even in front of them. Tell them how dressing in lolita makes you feel and that's why you wear it. ANd pretty much everything kochi~mochi said.
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