Of course, I'm going to be hit with millions of copyright laws, but whatever.

To the theme of... I forgot the name of it. Little Drummer Boy? Maybe.
"Get a job, you bum bum bum bum...
Money don't grow on trees you bum bum bum bum."

Silent Night
"Silent Fart
Deadly Fart
All was Calm
Not for Long"

Oh Come All Ye Faithful
"Oh come all ye illegal immigrants
Come and get damn green cards
And learn some damn English
And then how to drive"

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
"Hark! The hairlipped angels sing
'Glary tew the noobern kang!'"

12 Days of Christmas
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
CLAP! An electric!"

Silver Bells
"Blue balls
Blue balls
It's dollar night
At the city club"

Frosty the Snowman
"Johnny the retard
Had an eight-pound water head
He was five foot three and he said to me
"I LIKE TATER TOTS! HAHA!"

Santa Claus is Comin' to Town
"Y'better watch out
I think she's a guy
I'm not quite sure
But somethin' ain't right
Hilary Clinton's comin' to town."