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Yeah, hey. I'm normally not into talking about my problems and stuff (though ranting is really easy for me to do), but, um...I really don't know what to do here...

See, one of my old friends died. Not that she was old! No, she was only 15, and I kind of watched her grow up. She was my best friend's younger sister, but I kind of lost contact with her and her family after her sister left back in 2002-2003. I haven't heard of her since until I found out she died

A-And, um..I've never really had to deal with people dying before. The only person I know who's died was my grandfather, but I was only a little kid then, I didn't really understand. S-So, I was just kind of wondering...if any of y'all could help me out..?

I mean, people've tried to help, but nothing's really worked. I only found out yesterday that she died, and I was really torn up about it, and now I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. They don't know what happened to make her die. Someone just found her dead outside; no injuries, no signs of anything happening to her, and no frostbite (even though it was freezing), so I don't know.

I'm kind of thinking that might be why I can't accept this because I know it's true, but I'm still so uneasy about it. There's no evidence of anything, and people who don't know her keep saying stupid things and I just can't figure it out in my head! I-I don't know... People keep saying bad things (strangers) and then research and interviews show good things, and either way all I see is the little kid who used to follow me and her sister around. I've seen the pictures of her now (before she died), as a growing teen, but all I see when I think about her is the little blonde kid who was always around...

I don't know; I really some help or something. Can y'all help?

Thanks for at least reading this. I was beginning to wonder if anyone cared.

We found out about my friend a week or two ago...

She died after sneaking out and drinking. Some form of hyperthermia killed her though it wasn't the usual kind. I guess her bloode froze or the alcohol in her system did, but no one's actually told me, so I can only guess..

Time did help, but only because it allowed more memories and thoughts to fill my head. Senior year does that, I guess. There's so much going on all the time, it was hard to focus on her death... Also the toxicology report finally came back, and that's how we found out about her sneaking out and all of that.

The thing that really kills me now, though, is... Her body was found about 100 feet or yards from her house. I knew this after she'd died, but now I know that she'd been with someone else or multiple someones. The worst part is that, she was drunk with all those other people, and yet, they just kicked her out of the car and told her to fend for herself. No one made sure she got inside and if someone had, she wouldn't be dead, you know? She would've gotten in trouble, but she'd be alive, right? I might never have heard about her, and if she died later, I wouldn't have found out. I could've gone my entire life without ever so much as hearing her name.

So, does that make all of this good or bad..? I just don't know what to think, yet.
I'm better. I don't break down crying like I did after I heard, but I just don't know what to think. Everytime I think about it, I get so mad. I really want to know who these people are so I can find them and punch them for letting her die like that.

But I just don't know..

there's really no "right way" to deal with death. especially when it happens to someone that you used to be friends with but drifted apart in the past couple years before their death. something similar happened to me when i was eighteen, i read in the paper that this guy i went to high school with died and it was just really weird. we weren't that close, mostly just hung out around school and goofed off but it was just so strange to think that he wouldn't be laughing anymore. i don't know.

it's alright to be sad and feel confused and even not know how to feel or deal with it because that's just how death is. it's confusing.