Ah, reviews, where would we be without you. Not only can you save us money, you're insightful, smart, and best of all, you're free. If you pick up any magazine, go to any website, or go outside and talk to those people you call "friends", you are bound to find many opinions about movies, TV shows, games, maybe even politics, hardware, or the housing market.
Now, there are a few people who decide "Hey! I'm smart and important, and I think the whole world should know I'm smart and important", so what would they do? Start their own review show. And why not, everyone is so freaking blind to all the flaws!
First, the length. Pick any show, and you'll see that they average 20 minutes in length. 20 minutes! I know it might not sound that much of a deal, but think about it. It takes 20 minutes for a middle aged man to say that a certain game or movie sucks. Text reviews would probably take about 5-10 minutes, and I could be underestimating there. But a text review will never take 20 minutes to read.
Secondly, intros. Every time you load up one of these suckers, you have to watch an annoying theme song, and then it'll get to the review. Some of these intros can take anywhere from 1 minute to 2. Then maybe, you might find a "special" episode, where they play
THE FULL VERSION OF THE SONG which could take anywhere from 3-5 minutes!
Thirdly, it's predictable. Experience tells me that any review show is going to review bad games. Anyone. Text reviews wouldn't tell you right off the bat that a game sucks. It would probably say something like "Could this game be the next best thing in gaming?" or "Will this undersea adventure sink under pressure?" Not "Next best thing, more like next PEST thing" or "This game is so good, crabs will agree with me!"
Fourthly, the reviewers have decided "Hey! Our review shows are long and predictable, let's make it even longer and more predictable with storylines". Once again, nice idea on paper, horrible execution. AVGN's review of "Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout" was bad, but the review of "Crazy Castle" was virtually unwatchable. One reviewer even has a cyborg version of himself that appears in every episode doing evil stuff. If your a review and you want to use a storyline, don't.
Lastly, and this might not be much of a deal, but there is a excessive amount of swearing. Now, a few f-bombs here and there is ok, but if there are more f-bombs then there are actual words, that's a bit of a problem to me. Then there's the whole "think of the kids" point. If you have a kid, and you hear him dropping f-bombs, what would be your response when he says "A middle aged man with glasses said it"?
There you go, those are my pet peeves with review shows. I wouldn't mind it if one person did it, but the whole community of reviewers do it. If a reviewer would to read this an actually learn something, then maybe this persons time would not be wasted.
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