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Deployment is hard on every member of the family, but sometimes we forget that kids suffer the most. While we just miss our spouse or brother/sister, children often depend on both parents and feel betrayed or abandoned when one leaves. Here are some tips and tricks to do when Mommy or Daddy are going away.

1. Before Mommy or Daddy leaves, record them reading bedtime stories to play while they are gone.
2. Also record them singing the child's favorite lullaby if applicable.
3. If the child is old enough (around 4-5 and up), sit them down well before the deployment is scheduled and let them know what is happening. Make sure they understand that it is not permenant and that Mommy or Daddy will come home.
4. Take plenty of pictures of the military member and put them all over the house so the child will always see them.
5. Make home videos to show the child when they are gone.
6. If the deployed member is able, while they are deployed use the internet and try a live chat. MSN can be used however I haved found Skype is much better.
7. While deployed, take pictures is possible to send home. Videos as well.
8. When tucking your child in at night, make sure they know both Mommy and Daddy love them.
9. If an older child but still 'young', let them know that even though Mommy or Daddy are far away, there are still things they share (sky, stars, day and night).
10. Have a ritual set before hand and continue it on through the deployment (such as dinner, bath, book, then bed). This will help keep the child's world 'stationary' when they leave and when they come home. It is important for a child to have stable routines in their lives. It keeps them feeling safe and normal.
11. Have the deployed member take along a little voice recorder so they can record messages to their child, especially if they are not old enough to read letters.
12. Have the child actively do things for the deployed parent so they know that they are still there and still care such as writing letters or drawing pictures.
13. Have a set time to do something together, like sit down and read one of the child's books and make sure the child knows that Mommy or Daddy are doing it with them.
14. When it gets close to the time when the deployment ends and your loved one is coming home, it is very important that they know he or she is coming home. Make them feel a part of things getting ready for them to be home.

I must stress something very important and this is very true with younger children:

Even if you do everything above there is still a chance that the child will not recognize who they are when they come home. It is only natural and it may take time for the child to become reaccustomed to having them home. That is why routines are so important.

Also, I would like the parents who remain behind to remember that when the deploymed member returns home, the child may be unhappy about sharing you. They have had you to themselves for many months and will be angry when somebody else comes into the picture. We had this problem with my daughter who screamed everytime my husband even tried to hug me. It got to the point where she started turning violent if he ever got close to me.

A few tips to deal with this are:
1. Make sure you put aside time every day for just you and your child. This will let them know you have not forgotten them and are not choosing your spouse above them.
2. When your spouse comes home, ease them into any physical enteractment between yourself and them.
3. Make sure to include your child in hugs and kisses so they do not feel left out. Be careful because they may still push the other parent away.
4. Set aside activity time so the returning parent has time with the child to do something the child enjoys. Have them sit down and draw, or watch the child's favorite shows together so the child can become more comfortable with the parent.
5. If you have the recordings of bedtime stories or lullabies, have the returning parent take it's place.
6. Even though you will want to do everything for the returning spouse, try doing your child's favorite activities and cook their favorite meals instead.
7. During the first few days after they return, they will be tired and your child will be curious. Be sure to talk to your spouse and set aside a time for when they get up for family.

I hope this helps and I wish everybody luck, both deploying/deployed parents and those who stay home.