Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hi all. Some of you might remember me.
I had a gorgeous little girl named Evie in September. She was 3 months early. Once she got healthy, I gave her up for adoption because I simply didn't have the money to raise her on my own since her dad was out of the picture. I get to see her every month now, and I'm happy that she's in such a great family.

Fast forward. I meet a guy. We're engaged now (the wedding is on New Years' Eve) and we were trying to get pregnant, but he was skeptical about his sperm count (or whatever it's called lol) because when he was a teenager he did a LOT of drugs. We tried and tried but every single pregnancy test (home and at the doctor) came back negative. We finally gave up hope thinking he was sterile; we accepted it though. On March 7, my fiance moved to TX, where he had a job offer, so he could work up enough money for the wedding. On March 8, I found out that I was pregnant....three months pregnant.

I guess all the stress of him moving and me worrying about him took a great toll on my body because I got sick. I woke up with terrible cramps in my back and stomach. I made it to the ER in time for them to do all kinds of tests and ultrasounds; and I found out that I was going to have twins. Unfortunately I lost them.

I'm not really as upset as I should be. I wasn't going to be able to take care of 2 babies by myself and I definitely didn't want to go through it alone (with him being in Texas and all). But being pregnant made me feel like I wasn't alone; it was like I had a part of him with me while he's gone.

I really don't know what I should feel like right now.

Take care of yourself because depression my creep up on you.