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relationship...problems?

osozaki girl

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Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:36 pm

since i don't feel sexual attraction i experience something like...romantic attraction towards people.
i find my friends blurring into romantic relationships because there isn't really that defining line of who i would be "sexually attracted to" and who i "just like as a close friend".
and it hurts me a lot because i get "squishes" on a lot of people, but i'm in a relationship at the moment (and one i want to keep)
but i feel like i'm just being a cheating skankho when i start to fall in love with another person as well.

do you have any advice or do any of you find yourself in this position?

Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 10:05 am

I'm something that is in Swedish called "relationsanarkist" and would translate to "relationship anarchist". There's an info page about it here.

It basically says that relationships are all different so it's difficult (maybe nearly impossible) to give them all labels like "friends", "partners" or whatever else. There are thousands and thousands of different relationships and we can't describe them all with labels.

I call all people I like "friends". It's a good idea to talk with your friends what your relationship is like, what you expect from each other and so.

But then you could also be monogamous but falling in love with others. Just talk about what your relation should be like, rules and feelings.

Mikusagi
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Leodom

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Posted: Sun Apr 11, 2010 1:44 pm

I find that I get attracted to my close friends, but generally nothing ever comes of them. It seems that anytime I really sit down and think about my feelings for them, if I can name the feelings (i.e. lust, like, jealousy) towards them it generally goes away for me. Just recently I lusted towards a friend and even though she was in a relationship I still would try to court her in a sense, but I knew nothing would come of it so I had to drop the feelings. It isn't easy for everyone, but for me I can generally drop my feelings if I find them to be inconvenient.

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 7:19 pm

Well, I will just comment on the part where you feel like " a cheating skankho" when you "start to fall in love with another person as well".

Everyone has their way, and point of view. I will only share you a slice of mine. When in a romantic one-to-one relationship, you love intensively. It is a special, unique bond you establish with this one person. If you drive yourself away from this bond, you enjoy it, and do it constantly; then it would be considered as cheating. Is this what you mean? Anything you'd like to add or subtract?

If this is your case, then I'm glad you're being honest with yourself by accepting it. I can suggest that maybe you're searching or expecting something that sadly is not in the person you are sharing a bond with. This "something" you're searching could be company or emotional stability. I am not saying this is not part of what is experienced and/or expected in a relationship. I just think that it usually isn't the main focus. Maybe what you are needing unconsciously right now is not being provided by him or her.
What do you think?

Tifey_Lewis

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