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Had I known that I would die on my twenty sixth birthday I would have done things different. I would have gone to church, I would have traveled as much as possible. I would have even voted. I like to believe that I would have gone and been with my family more but that would be a lie. Where I am it is probably not a good idea to lie, get me in more trouble than I seem to be in already.
But how was I to know that I was going to die today? I mean I’m just human, how was I supposed to read the future? But I did die.
Oh I know what you are thinking, you think I just didn’t wake up that day. Wow I’m right? You do think that? Oh wow are you sadly mistaken. I didn’t die before I woke up I assure you kind folks. I died exactly three minutes before the dawn of the next day. Yes yes I know it’s strange, but it did happen.
So how did I die you ask? Are you sure you are able to handle this information? You aren’t one of the faint of heart are you? No? I sure hope not I don’t want to see you here just yet.
So as for how I died. Well, I was shot. Shot in the lung to be exact, and you better believe this fact here. Being shot in the lung did not tickle one bit.
Oh come on folks how much more do you want to know? You want to know why I was shot too? I should come over there and knock you a new one…oh wait I forgot I’m dead. Ok here it goes, I was shot by accident. There was a gang war in the city I lived in. And they tended to migrate to the strangest places. WHO WOULD WANT TO FIGHT AT A MCDONALDS? I mean honestly. So here I was, late at night, cause face it who doesn’t not take advantage of a 24 hour fast food place, leaving the restaurant with the double cheese burger I had just paid for when I felt searing pain.
Please don’t get angry. I wish I could tell you what happened there, but I think the pain was to much and my body shut down temporarily. Honestly I’m not sure but I remember waking up in the E.R. with doctors all around me. Doctors that barley stood out in the black fog that had seemed to appear out of nowhere. I couldn’t talk, even couldn’t move. I was strapped down with all their doctor equipment. Ha, you’d think that even now as I wait here I’d know what the equipment was, but you’ll just have to forgive me, I was busy dying I didn’t have a chance to ask.
So the pain kept coming, I could feel them when they operated, I could feel them as they removed the bullet from my chest. And I could hear them as they pronounced that I would die, if not now but later. Even the doctors had no hope that I would live. I remember feeling the despair. No one should be able to hear the words, “She’s going to die.”
So let’s take a break from you asking me how I died and let me ask you a question. If you knew you were going to die, could you honestly say you liked how you lived your life? Can you honestly say you did all the things that you should have done, and shunned all those you shouldn’t? Can you say that your life, all though flawed as all are, was a shining example of all things good? I truly and deeply hope you can, cause I know for a fact that I never could. I had always meant to turn things around, make things better, make things right, but I never got the chance. It was to late. To late for me to change, to late for me to make things right, to late for anything to happen.
The Doctors gave me a room, I was alone with doctors checking in on me every hour to make sure that I wouldn’t be in pain as I died. Alone with the fog, alone with the shadows that kept forming, and alone with my mind…
So this was it, I was thinking about my life, all the things I did, all the things I didn’t do when I saw the first shadow form. Fear struck my heart as it turned into a little goblin person with giant moth wings. I had no idea what that was. I had no idea why more and more kept forming, why they were circling my bed.
The heart monitor was beeping furiously as I heard a voice Its not to late. Hmm even now I’m not sure what that voice was. It could have been God, as I figure I’m here to be judged.
Lets get back to the figures, you need to know everything. The figures came closer and closer to me as I watched them, still unable to move, and as the figures grabbed my arms I felt like I was already dead. Like my heart had been wrenched out of my body and thrown on the floor only to be stomped on by steel toed boots to a bloody gory mess.
It had been a very short time before my breath wasn’t coming any more and I knew I was dying for sure. Until then I had hoped my doctors had been wrong, after all it was possible people were wrong before about dying people. Still not to late. Ok really people is that God that spoke to me? Is that God that’s actually real? Prehaps all those annoying a** preachers, and church goers were right. I don’t know its to late to know now. And I wonder if he is really real.
How can I wonder that though, I mean I’m standing here aren’t I? Its as if I was denying the fact that the world was round or the fact that we breathed air. It was to late I couldn’t repent I couldn’t turn away and fix the life I had always meant to fix. I was going to die in more ways than one now. The end was here.
The figure that stepped before me now was much much to grand to be described. Infact I don’t believe that there is any human way to describe the majesty I saw. I only wish to let you know that God’s real and I truly believe this was God that stood before me.
You wouldn’t be able to understand the dialogue that God and I went through, you wouldn’t have any idea. I only assume it would be different for everybody as we all lead different lives.
I guess it was Jesus I saw next. Honestly folks I’m not sure but it could have been. He looked at me mournfully and simply said one phrase, “I do not know you.”
I knew it was it then. I knew I would suffer forever. How I knew was beyond me, but I knew it then. My life was over and I would never have another life.
It doesn’t have to happen to you folks though, you could learn from the mistakes I made. I pray you do learn in fact.I do not want to see you in hell. I want you to live, to truly live.
Please live.