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 Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 11:44 pm
All those things I’ve said before…
Stay in my mind
Regretted words to you
You were so kind
I destroyed that did I not?
Seems like yesterday
And still I forgot
Those few things I swore to keep
Little promises
So dear to you
My lies tried to become true
But a lie is a lie
Never meant to be
I should have seen that from the beginning
That was you and I
Now will you see?
Ha, How ironic
You promised me the world
And I crashed yours down
To the pure bottom
Now do you see?
Planning and plotting
Will never hurt me
I am spontaneous in my way, protected
Now to think of it
Those things I said before
I do not regret
But I will never forget…
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Posted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 8:34 pm
I think the title of the poem should be little promises instead of little things, but you're the author.
I'm usually really bad at commenting on poetry, but here's my best shot.
I don't know if you were going for this feeling, but when I read the poem I feel like a teenage girl that has a thought process that just randomly jumps from one thing to the next.
The theme keeps all of the poetry some what connected and together, but within that bubble (theme) it feels jumpy to me.
Example, the beginning 3 lines feel somber and sad, and then a random thought of "you were so kind," and oh "I destroyed that did I not?"
why did you use pure to describe bottom? Pure just seems like a funny word in my opinion in that line.
On the last line of the second to last sentence, protected just feels attached to the line for no reason. It's just kind of there for sylabuls reason kind of thing.
I do like what is being said in the last stanza and the emotion that you did put in it, but I do feel that that too could be stronger.
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