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For the past few months my mom has been yelling at me and getting mad at me for no reason, and insulting me. That,topped with bullying at school, my Type 1 diabetes, and dropping grades, have been making my depression worse. (I have depression). Last night I had a severe breakdown and I was laying in bed crying and screaming, and I has a suicidal thought... Ever since I was 9 and my father passed away I have been "Scared to death of death". I have to go to a councilor for it. It makes me not sleep for weeks, and have random breakdowns. I cant think of why I had this thought, knowing that death is such a big deal to me. I have reasons to live. I want to tell my mom but she really hates me and she'll just say I'm overreacting or want attention... What should I do?

When stress piles up a lot, it can be crippling, I think everyone knows that can happen, but few get pushed to their limits, like it sounds like you have. When I was younger, maybe 6 or 7 years ago I was really down, many friends just unexpectedly decided I am not worthy and beat me down for no reason at school, Diabetes and a rough time with Family, and I actually tried to kill myself, and it is simply something I hate is in my past. Then, Last year, around this time I lost my Mother, then my grandmother, then a few months later a friend, then friends left me, messed with me and attacked me emotionally... Stress and dealing with it is just something I have adjusted to at this point, but mainly due to the Suicide attempt, When it was happening, I saw the concern in a life long friend and family and realised that I have to find another way, regardless of the difficulty.


Now, I don't know your entire situation, but I can relate to a few things you put in your post, and all I can say is, some times the crying and screaming is a good emotional release, though it can easily cross the line to being too far, and it is hard to say what that line is exactly. Sleeping problems, I can really relate to as well, but that could be any number of thing weighing in on your mind. Honestly though, Talking to a counselor is a great thing, Having friends to talk to is another great thing, even if either just wind up being venting, getting things off of your chest is very important. Though I know from experience it can be really difficult to open up. Though unfortunately to your last point I really have no idea what can be done other than talking things out with your mother, I am sure she does not hate you, a lot of parent have a hard time having clean cut showings of love, worry, anger ect. Many people can see malice in a parents actions when all that is there is worrying, but nobody can know unless you talk things out I would wager.

Sorry this post is a bit long, but I hope I could help in any way.

When my father passed away last year on december 23 I started having problems, too. I became (and still am) scared of death. I had breakdowns almost everyday but i didn't go to school. I had to go to a doctor and therapist and all these important people because I almost killed myself once. Everyone was very understanding, especially the therapist. When you go through things like you are going through I wouldn't say it is "normal" to have suicidal thoughts but I think it is just the way your head is telling you something. That something I am not sure about, but I am just stating *my* opinion. Not everyone's.

I am not sure how you feel about my answer but I hope it helps. And life *is* worth living for. I didn't think it was, but now that I have my family and doctors and friends by my side they helped me understand that it is worth living for.

Love and Hugs,
Emily :]