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I always write a critique in the same format; first I write a preface, then I detail edits (if any), and then I end with my opinion. I will not edit for style unless specifically asked - all edits will be only those that are based upon a sufficient amount of objective evidence to require editing. I will often offer several solutions to any particular edit, and if I do not explain why something requires an edit, please inform me and I shall do so.

I am pleased to see your first poetry submission, and anticipate that you shall continue to share your words.

Edits:

--"Are all this risks worth to take" - numerical disagreement between "this" and "risks". The former is singular, while the latter is plural. In this context, the plural is a simpler solution (to alter thus line to the singular would require changing "are" to the singular as well). Additionally, the infinitive "to take" was employed, when the present participle ("taking") should have been used.

--"it wouldn't even help me if I'd be bright" - The form of "to be" that you have used ("be") should be replaced with the past tense "were". "To be" is an irregular verb, so each of the different tenses are non sequiturs.

--"Would I know if it'll end with sob?" - This is the singular line which does not rhyme with any other line, and as you have an unforgiving rhyme scheme, this line receives much more emphasis than it would have otherwise, but in a critical manner rather than the emphasis of a line of import.

My opinion: Your unorthodox use of diction is quite refreshing, and forces the reader to pay more attention to the individual words and lines, rather than the feeling of the entire piece. This may be either a positive or a negative depending upon the scope being assessed - for individual lines, this is a positive effect, but when considered in the milieu of the entire piece, it increases the reader's awareness of the oft-changing forms of address and tense between lines or stanzas.

The lack of end punctuation other than quotations leaves one wondering if there is not something more to the piece, which in conjunction with the lack of commas or semi-colons within lines (if you would like to address these, and/or other stylistic facets, please let me (or another) know, and they shall be discussed) leaves the rhythm of the piece as a whole unregulated. Again, this is positive for some of the lines - those which require little moderation beyond that of what the reader assigns arbitrarily - and negative for others, namely the lengthier lines.

The unusual perspective of the poem, of the narrator's thoughts and particular attentions is intriguing, and allows a definition of your program that is different than the standard approach, and allows for greater insight and a more complete adherence to the program. Increasing this will positively affect the poem, but only so long as a single program is still evident.

Better than the last. I like it.