I like the repetition of the final line in the poem.
I think that you are focusing so much on the rhyming that you are compromising everything else about the poem to make sure that it rhymes.
I like the story, but maybe if you chose to rhyme every couple of lines then the story would flow a little better.
Quote:
But now it is night and she's not there to give me light
I think that here to say night in the middle is a little strange, cause that is the word that you're rhyming and it is only seen on the end of the lines.
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