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 Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 7:28 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 12:59 pm
It's quite good. The structure you've given it is interesting and reflects the difficulty in controlling the emotions (at least, that's how I interpreted it). The rhythm works effectively too. The "temporary" in the last line makes me wonder about the feelings and whether it is experience that removes them or that they weren't that strong.
Oh, gosh, now I've rambled on you're going to tell me I've got the wrong end of the stick entirely, aren't you? sweatdrop Well, that's how I viewed it, anyway...
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Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 2:55 pm
Yuukiko It's quite good. The structure you've given it is interesting and reflects the difficulty in controlling the emotions (at least, that's how I interpreted it). The rhythm works effectively too. The "temporary" in the last line makes me wonder about the feelings and whether it is experience that removes them or that they weren't that strong. Oh, gosh, now I've rambled on you're going to tell me I've got the wrong end of the stick entirely, aren't you? sweatdrop Well, that's how I viewed it, anyway... Every poem is open to interpretation. When I wrote this one short poem, everyone who read it interpreted it completely differently. This poem for me has two meanings, In one it about the times when write poems from another's point of view, allowing thier feelings to fill the emptiness so I can write from thier heart as I see it. Another is just that (this is more depressing) I am empty and my emotions come all from others.
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Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2006 9:53 am
I have to say - very effective metaphors. It makes a gorgeous picture, all of it, and whichever way you interpret it, it's strongly meaningful.
However, it lacks flow and rhythm, something I really like in poems, but which more people aren't willing to do anymore. Oh well - that's just personal prefrence. And some of the lines could stand to rephrasing - they're good thoughts, but they sound a bit clumsy in the poem. "Owerflow ontoa piece of paper" irks me specifically, but I couldn't tell you what other words you could use. ><
Still - 3nodding heart
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 10:19 pm
Hmm, this poem brings out the philosophical in me, but I won't get into that.
I rather thought the poem was from the point of view of an old fashioned pen, then inkwell, then the paper itself. Sort of the whole writing process, from the tools' point of view. I also got the impression of time passing. Written work, more permanent (in a manner of speaking) than oral tradition, is still subject to time. I got the feeling of a lot of time having passed, ink fading, and paper growing more and more delicate. Very...transient.
I like the indentations, they add a certain something, though I'm not sure what. Ah, it adds to the impression of flow, direction - things the poem discusses and emphasizes.
Lastly, I thought that maybe it should go on longer, that there was more to the story, as it were. But then again, maybe not. I keep going back and forth.
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