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 Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:29 pm
☼ title ☼
☼ character profile ☼
☼ history ☼
☼ family ☼
☼ what and why ☼
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:32 pm
 Username : Ravvlet Lunarian Name : Zhēnzhū, lit. means 'pearl'. Nicknames: Her mother refers to her as Ladli or 'beloved one' in her letters. Origin: Father's family is Chinese-influenced, mother's is Indian. Her name is Chinese in origin but her clothing style is Indian/Arabic. Gender: Female Alliance : Noble Path : Warrior Weapon: I know in student stage she doesn't have one, but for future conisderation: Fighter Stage: A whip, similar to the ones used in Da Tuoluo ref with a wooden/bamboo base and a thick leather band. Later: Maybe a shinto whip? refMagic Type: Weapon Projection Magic -BRIEF CHARACTER BLURB- HAHA, HI. Um, just a note, since I noticed some other people had been critted on a lack of clarity in their quest's opening posts- I will elaborate on her family/history in the relevant sections, but just FYI she lives ALONE with her grandfather on his rice-paddy-field-turned-koi-breeding-farm. Her parents are however, ALIVE. More on that later. 8D <3 Personality : Clear-Headed and Totally Cool“Muddy water, let stand - becomes clear.” - Lao TzuLiving by the example of her unflappable grandfather, Zhēnzhū is calm and level headed in even the most trying situations. This isn't to say she's incapable of doing something incredibly stupid, but rather that she isn't prone to panic about it. She's most likely going to be the one yelling at everyone to calm down, rather than the weepy girl in the corner waxing poetical about their certain demise. Zhēnzhū's grandpa wouldn't have stood for that kind of behavior-overreacting was a sure way to be ignored. This ability to remain logical allows her to be pretty quick witted in times of turmoil, but at the same time leaves others feeling like she's a little too cool about certain things. I mean, sometimes others want events (news, a confession, what have you) to get a reaction out of her, but instead she dissects it analytically. Totally a buzz killer. Not someone you'd want to confide in, although she usually does make an effort to be properly enthusiastic to avoid being completely awkward. Practically Practical“Unless one is wealthy there is no use in being a charming fellow. Romance is the privilege of the rich, not the profession of the unemployed. The poor should be practical and prosaic. It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.” - Oscar WildeZhēnzhū's grandfather raises ornamental koi. The fish are beautiful, but the job is smelly, nasty, and most of it involves being out in the sun all day. Feeding them costs money, and every culling deducts from that spawning's profits. They live a very frugal life, with few excesses. Zhēnzhū's daily routine runs by a set of very simple rules: to have money to afford food and shelter, the fish must be healthy, the fry must grow strong, and in order for all THAT to take place the ponds have to be clean. Nowhere in this is there room to be ladylike, cleanly, or observe proper hygiene. Mornings spent sloshing through fish scum, carrying buckets looped on a stick over her shoulders has given Zhēnzhū a rather uncouth outlook on laundry and body odor, but a fantastic work ethic. As soon as she was old enough to work, she HAD to work- because food wasn't free, and grandpa was your classic old-fashioned stick-and-carrot kind of guy. Food happened when the chores were done, and not a moment before. Because of this, Zhu is a hard and dedicated worker. She also doesn't ask for more than she needs, and can happily go without fancy kimonos and beautiful hairpins because it's not something she was ever taught to want. The sparse jewelry she has was left to her by her mother, and is kept because of sentimental value. A Discerning Individual"The ability of discerning high quality unavoidably implies the ability of identifying shortcomings." - Edsger Dijkstra Zhēnzhū was taught to barter early on by her grandfather on trips to the Imperial City. Their koi stock many of the ponds of the nobles, and a few even found homes in the Imperial Palace itself. Not only did they have to haggle with buyers, but often they'd make their way to the fish markets and even sometimes the residential district to meet with fellow breeders to exchange or buy koi in an effort to expand or improve their own stock. Because of this experience, Zhēnzhū has learned to become fairly perceptive. She's good at picking up body language and can usually tell when someone is trying to pass off a sham. She is fairly knowledgeable when it comes to fish, but this skill can be applied to other trades. Unfortunately, she has a bad habit announcing her findings, which isn't always to the merchant's best interest. It also has given her an unwarranted sense of self importance- critiquing things she doesn't necessarily understand, or have any expertise in. These traits haven't exactly endeared her to the local merchant crowd, but her grandfather has hopes that she'll grow out of it. Loquacious“Much talking is the cause of danger. Silence is the means of avoiding misfortune. The talkative parrot is shut up in a cage. Other birds, without speech, fly freely about.” - Saskya PanditaZhēnzhū is an extremely enthusiastic talker. Constant. Non stop. Talking. Her grandfather generally tunes her out, so she spends a lot of time talking to herself, but she's always game to talk the ear off of the other village kids, a random passerby, an Academy classmate...She isn't too particular. It's good that she's outgoing, and her ability to strike up conversation with a stranger is useful in a business sense, but she just doesn't seem to know when to stop. Most of the other kids of Goshin Village have either learned to ignore her, or just don't hang out with her. Raised as an only child, before she was allowed to take trips to the village, she didn't really have anyone to talk to. Her grandfather didn't really provide much of a conversational companion, as if it didn't involve fish, he wasn't interested. It seems that she's damned and determined to make up for lost time now- and her friends find it both endearing and a little annoying. Unseemly"I can't...actually find a clever quote relating to being inappropriate." - Ravvlet
If you're looking for a Lunarian who is ladylike and proper...this is not your girl. She doesn't know when to stop talking, she's generally covered in mud kicking a cuju ball around, and, truth be told, she probably doesn't even know how to bow properly. This total lack of decorum is of course accented by her tactless chattering and her need to make overly perceptive comments. Seriously, would some one shut her up? Some people find her inappropriate behavior somewhat bemusing, and even a little refreshing. It's clear she was raised by a man, and has thereby learned to live like one. Her grandfather was lucky enough to have kept some of her mother's old clothes, or she'd have been dressed like a boy too. The other girls of Goshin Village don't really want anything to do with her- it's not just that she's a tomboy, she has a tendency to be painfully embarrassing. Hobbies:Koi KeepingZhēnzhū has spent her entire life before the Academy working on a koi farm, and it has long since turned from a tiring chore to something she's come to enjoy. Watching the koi feed and wading through their shallow ponds gives her constantly buzzing mind a sense of peace. However, she could really do with less muck, grime, and bucket hauling. It isn't exactly eau de parfum. Fighting FishWhile she enjoys koi, she has a secret passion revolving around a much smaller freshwater fish- the betta splendens. Her parents sent her one for her last birthday- and ever since she's been an enthusiast. If she's not on the cuju field after her classes are out, you can bet she's in some low brow establishment on the docks reading up on the next tournament. She doesn't have any money to bet with, but she likes to watch. Cuju [click for info] Cuju is the sport of choice of her group of friends (mainly boys) in Goshin Village. She grew up playing, ever since she was old enough to visit the small town on her own. She's actually a pretty good player - all that manual labor means she kicks like a horse. It's also one of the few arenas in which her boylike mannerisms work in her favor. Da Tuoluo [click for info] Another game, less popular with the villagers, involving a whip and a spinning top. The tops are rather large, and the whips are used to keep them spinning, reposition them, or send them careening around obstacles. Another birthday present (her father was once a Da Tuoluo enthusiast), Zhēnzhū has been practicing for a few years. She's pretty deft with a whip, but she tends to be a little too overzealous, sending her top screaming into the distance. ❀ Appearance! Skin Tone : Has a ruddy pink skintone. Her time in the sun has darkened it some, but overall the effect kind of looks like a permanent bad sunburn. Her scales are bright orange, while white pearly 'accent' scales. color reffff Body Style :Short and muscular, especially for a girl, with fairly wide hips. She's been helping her grandfather keep koi since she was old enough to carry a bucket, and changing the water out on his many small ponds weekly is hard work. ref, but moar muscles? xD; Hair Color/Style : Navy blue, and tied in a high ponytail plaited down to her breasts. ref Eye Color : Yellow/gold. Clothing Description : She dresses in a kind of traditional Arabic/Indian outfit, basically a kind of sleeveless tunic over pants that narrow down to her mid calf, called a shalwar kameez. ref fancier ref For shoes, maybe some kind of open toed sandal. Accessory Description : Metal clips (bronze maybe) over the top and bottom of her ear-fins, the bottom has a dangly bit with a small drop shaped ball of amber attached to it (see color ref? XD) Also, part of the aforementioned outfit includes a kind of shawl thing to cover the shoulders. Unique Attributes : Um, if she could be stockier than most Lunarians usually are that would be great. 8D
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:36 pm
 Quote: HISTORY: TL;DR EDITION, for those who are like WALL OF TEXT: DO NOT WANT!-Zhēnzhū's dad is disowned by his pro-Imperial father when he elopes with a servant girl that is part of the Noble Retainers -Her father and mother find out the hard way that the life of a rebel on the run is not kid friendly -Her father begs his father's forgiveness, and asks him to take care of their child and protect her. He agrees because A.) His son was his only living heir before Zhēnzhū, B.) He still has mushy feelings for his son even though he's TOTALLY on the wrong team and C.) because he's actually a pretty cool dude -Zhēnzhū is basically raised like a boy and only child, and learns lots about fish poop. Her grandad gives her letters and gifts 'from her parents' on her birthdays -Zhēnzhū gets old enough to visit the local village on her own, finds out from a series of letters about who her parents are and what they do -Magic fast foward- her grandaddy pays for her to go to the Academy to LRN2WOMAN about. Zhēnzhū was born, as most Lunarians are, with the appropriate amount of fingers, fins, and toes, to two parents who loved her very much. Her father, Mu Ch'en, was the son of a koi farmer, and her mother Raakhi the servant of a wealthy noble family from the Imperial City. The couple met when Mu was delivering a few of his father's prized fish to the noble household. Raakhi thought he was just adorable, Mu thought she had a nice behind- and things developed as they are wont to do between star crossed lovers and young adults in their late teens who have all the life skills of a pair of rabbits. Unfortunately for Mu, the family Raakhi served was deeply involved in the Noble rebellion. Or maybe the misfortune lay in the fact that his father was a stalwart Imperialist. Either way, when he got news of the baby, he had to make a choice. Stand with his new wife, and fight for the future of their family - or go back home, and sink into the obscurity of the koi farm he had come to loathe. The fact that the Nobles recruitment speeches were filled with romance and adventure factored largely into his decision making. Raakhi represented more than just the love of his life, fluffy puppies, and warm and fuzzy feelings. She represented freedom. Freedom from his familial obligations, freedom from the farm, freedom from obscurity- maybe, if he joined her and her masters, he could BE something. Plus, he doubted they cleaned out many fish ponds while championing the cause of the Nobles. So he packed his bags, left his father a letter, and vanished for nine months. His father was outraged and ashamed. He wouldn't publicly acknowledge his son's elopement. As far as he was concerned, the issues of the Nobles and the Emperor were none of their business. The Emperor reigned because the goddess willed it, and would pass when his time came. As a person who's living was made on a species of fish that could live upwards of 200 years, longevity wasn't something that bothered him. Neither did the strict rules of the Empire- he too, ruled his farm with an iron fist. But Mu was made of younger, more imaginative stuff- he envisioned a world where everyone could live like the Nobles did, and they certainly didn't do anything to discourage that kind of wishful thinking. So he enlisted. His skill with a whip from playing Da Tuoluo soon came in handy, as he didn't really have any other weapon experience. And, for the next 8 months, Mu Ch'en lived by moonlight. For eight long months, Mu's survival lay on the edge of a knife. He began his journey naive, inexperienced; a country bumpkin, really. But war was a swift and cruel teacher. Every mistake he made left a scar, every night was a lesson- a lesson in the merits of his cause. He soon learned that the romantic vision the Nobles painted was a charade, but that their quest no less important. He learned the value of the role he played, and embraced this war against the emperor personally. This wasn't just a battle for some imaginative dream life. No matter who was in charge, not everyone could live like a king. But everyone could live. Live, with the knowledge that they would be truly free of the shackles of a ruler so far removed from his people that they had not seen his face in an age. Change came again, however, in the form of Zhēnzhū. At first, the couple kept her with them in their modest hut in Raakhi's master's homestead. However, it became clear that their activities were constantly putting their child in danger. Men from the Shinobi Legion began tailing Mu at twilight, and they had to start living out of inns, dockhouses- anywhere they could find a friendly face or free bed. The constant uprooting was stressful on the whole family, but especially their new child. She was frequently sick, and they were quickly running out of places to hide her- she was compromising Mu's mission, and the thought of her in danger worried at his conscience. So the time came for Mu to face his father. He was a different man, covered in fresh pink scars and sporting a scraggly beard. Even his face had changed- permanent worry lines accented his eyes, now grown hard and stern. His father was not impressed, however. He refused to speak to Mu, until Mu mentioned his granddaughter- Zhēnzhū, whose existence his father was previously unaware of. He was taken aback, to say the least. He agreed to meet them in the nearby Goshin Village later that evening. Raakhi and Mu trusted him with their most precious posession, and prayed to the goddess that their perfect daughter could remain safe, sheltered by the obscurity he once scorned. They left her a few items- some of Raakhi's old clothes and jewelry, and the promise that they would be allowed to write occasionally. And then they were gone. Mu's father, Xiao-ping, was at once saddened and overjoyed. His only son seemed determined to throw his life away for a cause he found utterly despicable, and yet he could not bring himself to turn them in. However, Zhēnzhū represented a kind of hope he had not felt since the day his son left him- a chance that the family legacy would not die out in the next generation. He taught Zhēnzhū everything he knew. And he was strict with her- far stricter than he had been with his son. He overcompensated for every mistake he felt he'd made in raising him, perceived or imagined. Nevermind that she was a girl- he raised her the only way he knew how. His wife had died in childbirth to his son, so his home had little in the way of a woman's touch. Zhēnzhū grew up rough, and she grew up hard- but she grew up well. Despite her shortcomings, Xaio-ping was immensely proud of her. He could tell by the gentle way she handled herself around the koi that he enkindled a passion he had failed to ignite in his son. He worried the letters she received on her birthdays would instill a seed of rebellion in his only heir, but so far the messages seemed innocent. The gifts she also enjoyed- she idolized her parents, imagining them out championing some great cause (and secretly wondering what could have been more important than her). All her grandfather would tell her was that they were on an important mission for the emperor, and had left her in his care for fear of putting her in danger. Soon enough, little Zhen was old enough to visit the Goshin Village on her own. Xaio-Ping wanted the girl to have friends her own age, and to reward her for doing her chores. It was during her first afternoon alone there that she learned who her parents really were, and what they did- from letters delivered to her that a friend of her father had been keeping for when she came of age. The censorship of the previous letters was thrown out the window- her parents told her about their role in the Noble rebellions, and her father communicated his regret at the schism their political positions had created in the family. He cautioned her to keep their correspondence from his father- the only secret she probably kept in her short life. Despite these eye opening revelations, life when on fairly normally. Now Zhen recieved letters from her father and mother mostly through Goshin Village, and even made some friends on the way. She learned to play Cuju, and later Da Tuoluo, and waited for her parents to write. Secretly, in her time on the farm, Xaio-ping had been saving up money to send her to the Academy. There he hoped she would learn some sense of decorum and ladylikeness, and perhaps bring home a boy who could inherit their homestead. When he told her that she was enrolled, Zhēnzhū was overjoyed. She silently hoped she could meet her parents, or maybe the Nobles they worked for. She wanted to join them in the rebellion, and prove her worth to them- she might even finally get to meet them in the flesh. And so, she began her days at the Academy, full of unrealistic hopes and dreams like every other teenager. She had to practice personal hygiene, and had less time to work on the farm, but it was worth it- hopefully. plot points/ideas Her parents never actually like...attempt to meet her, both because I'm not sure of how far Goshin Village is from the Imperial City and because of fear of endangering her by having her seen with known rebels. HOWEVER, it might be interesting if she finds out that her parents are dead- and that they set up the birthday gifts and letters in advance, so that she could have some semblance of hope. Or you know, to be generally soul crushing, daytime soap style. >8
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:43 pm
 Xiao-ping Ch'enRelation: Grandfather A strict but caring farmer who lives on a rice paddy-gone-koi-farm about a half a day from Goshin Village. He is old fashioned and supports the Emperor, but doesn't really involve himself in political affairs. He is disappointed and hurt that his only son did not share his desire to keep the family trade alive, but hopes that Zhēnzhū will become heir to their legacy in his stead.Mu Ch'en/RaakhiRelation: Father/Mother Zhēnzhū's biological parents, who chose to distance themselves from her when she was a toddler to keep her out of danger. It also gave her the freedom to chose her own path in life; something that would have been difficult when constantly on the run. They left her with a series of letters that have been delivered to her at various stages in her life, but she has never actually met them.
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:51 pm
 I didn't know if you wanted us to LITERALLY answer these questions, or to consider them when writing our character profiles...so I went for the literal. |D Why the Nobles?Zhēnzhū, with all the wisdom of a 16 year old- and the naivete of a country girl suddenly uprooted to live and attend school in the Imperial City- has been enraptured by the romance and danger of the cause of the Nobles. She loves to listen to stories and speeches that they are more than happy to share. Her more perceptive and mature side is telling her that it's not all sunshine and roses, but lately she's chosen to ignore it. After all, her parents fought for the Nobles; perhaps if she joined their ranks they would finally be reunited. And maybe people wouldn't make fun of her for smelling like fish and walking like a boy. Ah, wishful thinking. But on a more serious note, Zhēnzhū is a lot like her father was, on his first time in the city- young, idealistic, unfettered. She still feels some nagging responsibility to the koi farm, but her quest to be reconciled with the mother and father she really never knew has taken priority. She has no plans to actually ABANDON the farm- Lunarians are long lived, and she's convinced she'll be able to return before her grandfather is unable to care for it himself. Besides, her time at the Academy is largely unsupervised, as she's renting a room in town, so what better time to snoop around? What can Zhen offer/why is she a good candidate for a revolutionary?Zhēnzhū might be a little awkward and inappropriate, but at her heart she's an honest and hard working girl. She's more than just another Joe Dirt, although she's definitely got that 'salt of the earth' feel about her. She's independent, logical, and growing into a fairly shrewd business woman. She's also good at physical activity, especially for a young lady- years of hard labor and playing sports with boys have attested to that. Cuju and Da Tuoluo have taught her to be quick and dexterious- and, failing that, to kick like a mule. She may not have the martial arts experience other youths boast, but she has the foundation to be a fine fighter. But being a rebel also involves a certain kind of attitude- a passion. Zhēnzhū's desire to find her parents fuels her quest to become a member of the Samurai Retainers. The more boastful and open attitude of the Nobles also better fits her personality- after all, someone as chatty as her wouldn't exactly make a prime candidate for the secretive legions of the Shinobi. Her practicality also befits someone who might eventually be on the run- she can survive on little, and her time as a laborer has taught her the value of resources. With time, she has the potential to grow into a powerful asset for the Noble's cause.
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:33 pm
gonna copypasta fill in everything in a little bit |D
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Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 2:39 pm
done <3. feel free to tear it to pieces |D
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 6:39 am
Presentation is important, and so far I’m impressed. Readable font, and nice banners. Good job. You can a gold star for that. Well, an imaginary gold star, but it’s a nice one nonetheless.
The basics check out, nice use of reference images, and I’m liking the idea for your weapon.
Now we move onto the personality – the big part. (I’ve shortened the traits into key words bellow, nothing against your titles, it’s just easier for me.)
Okay, so your traits check out with me, but I’d like a bit more expansion here and there. I wouldn’t mind a bit of expansion on ones like “calm”, for example, on how it influences her interactions. I’m wondering, though, how enthusiastic a talking she can be while being completely level headed. Talking your head off sort of verges on an overreaction to the subject doesn’t it? I’d also like to see some more depth on how she can pick up on people’s emotions, but she doesn’t project them herself. It’s an interesting dynamic. And “unseemly” seems to need a bit more too. Just expand on how people see her, their perceptions of her, and how it effects her bartering/ daily interaction /etc.
Your appearance is fine. you have references in all the right places. (:
Like her history. Family checks out as well, though it could use some expansion rather than just repeating the history.
So does the what & why.
This was a very short critique.
Basically, touch up your grammar in the small cases where they’re off, expand on the personality and the family, but otherwise you’re doing well. Great start!
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 11:32 am
Venexia Presentation is important, and so far I’m impressed. Readable font, and nice banners. Good job. You can a gold star for that. Well, an imaginary gold star, but it’s a nice one nonetheless.
The basics check out, nice use of reference images, and I’m liking the idea for your weapon.
Now we move onto the personality – the big part. (I’ve shortened the traits into key words bellow, nothing against your titles, it’s just easier for me.)
Okay, so your traits check out with me, but I’d like a bit more expansion here and there. I wouldn’t mind a bit of expansion on ones like “calm”, for example, on how it influences her interactions. I’m wondering, though, how enthusiastic a talking she can be while being completely level headed. Talking your head off sort of verges on an overreaction to the subject doesn’t it? I’d also like to see some more depth on how she can pick up on people’s emotions, but she doesn’t project them herself. It’s an interesting dynamic. And “unseemly” seems to need a bit more too. Just expand on how people see her, their perceptions of her, and how it effects her bartering/ daily interaction /etc.
Your appearance is fine. you have references in all the right places. (:
Like her history. Family checks out as well, though it could use some expansion rather than just repeating the history.
So does the what & why.
This was a very short critique.
Basically, touch up your grammar in the small cases where they’re off, expand on the personality and the family, but otherwise you’re doing well. Great start!
Weeeell, for the uh. Talkative and 'level-headed' relating to each other, what I imagined was like, one of those people who are pretty easygoing know it all types who I guess don't display emotion appropriately. So they don't neccessarily overreact to something...She's 'level-headed' to the point of THAT being awkward. Maybe calm/level-headed isn't the right word for it. I have this idea in my head on how it works, but I just woke up so the English language is eluding me. I'll fix it though. 8D I wanted to give her kind of an socially awkward, oversharing type of personality, since she is the epitome of "doesn't get out much". As for the comments about adding more info- OK! I wasn't sure if I had too much or not enough, and I didn't want to go like WAY OVERBOARD. And I didn't put much info in the fam section because it was mostly for people who just wanted to skim, but I'll fill that out too. Thank you again for the critique! :3 <3 EDIT: I'M GONNA GET KRUNK AND WORK ON THIS AWWWIGHT MKAY EXPECT UPDATES DAWG 7/14
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Posted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:40 pm
Quest approved.
I'm going to lock it up now, if you have any objections then send them to Kurama. LOL.
Since she'll unlock it for you again.
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