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 Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2006 3:55 pm
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2006 11:14 pm
Pretty good, I didn't get some parts though sweatdrop try smoothing out the creases?
One part to me just seems strange...
I'd give him my soul, my heart
In my life I have no part
Who I am you suddenly ask
Should I remove the mask
To me it seems like ya talking about the devil but then the topic jumps back to you in the same stanza... o_0
It could just be me though gonk
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Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 4:17 am
Von von Pretty good, I didn't get some parts though sweatdrop try smoothing out the creases?
One part to me just seems strange...
I'd give him my soul, my heart
In my life I have no part
Who I am you suddenly ask
Should I remove the mask
To me it seems like ya talking about the devil but then the topic jumps back to you in the same stanza... o_0
It could just be me though gonk K.. thank you for the comment ^^ hmm.. there are 3 ppl in that poem, the devil, me and a boy... I just mentioned the devil to make it a bit "darker" lolz... to explain how "much" I care about my life (in this poem lolz)
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 2:02 pm
I kinda like them. ^^ biggrin The rhyming adds a nice touch though they can get a bit confusing. Good job! mrgreen
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 10:03 pm
ShiraLi I kinda like them. ^^ biggrin The rhyming adds a nice touch though they can get a bit confusing. Good job! mrgreen thank you! I know, I'm comfusing too XD
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 8:17 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 8:19 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:23 pm
Add some structure to them, change up the way you write them down, not the words but the shapes and paragraphs to exsentuate when you're trying to say, it makes a poem more effective.
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Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 1:04 pm
PVC Add some structure to them, change up the way you write them down, not the words but the shapes and paragraphs to exsentuate when you're trying to say, it makes a poem more effective. ^^; thank you for the tip!! I'll try it out biggrin
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Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 4:22 pm
The rythm of the third poem in this first post seems a little off to me...
But I like the second one... it reminds me of someone I'd like to get to know... redface
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Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:31 am
Cuori The rythm of the third poem in this first post seems a little off to me...
But I like the second one... it reminds me of someone I'd like to get to know... redface ^^; I should really look at my poems and fix 'em a bit XD just like I'm doing with my story lolz... ^^ thanks for liking the poem!!
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Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 6:23 pm
I feel a strong urge to put *my shade* to music. I'll try to resist, but I like it a bunch.
Strong rhymes throughout most here, which is just dandy, but it is also alright to vary from that some.
Also... nice range of topics. It'd be an enjoyable collection. mrgreen
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 9:57 pm
al_batross I feel a strong urge to put *my shade* to music. I'll try to resist, but I like it a bunch. Strong rhymes throughout most here, which is just dandy, but it is also alright to vary from that some. Also... nice range of topics. It'd be an enjoyable collection. mrgreen ^^ thanks, my classmates have said that I should turn some of my poems into songs too, and besides that I have happier themed poems in Estonian, but unfortunatelly you wont be able to understand 'em ^^;
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 7:02 pm
That's the magic of music. I don't have to understand them to get the message.
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Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 1:56 pm
Raspberry-Tea ShiraLi I kinda like them. ^^ biggrin The rhyming adds a nice touch though they can get a bit confusing. Good job! mrgreen thank you! I know, I'm comfusing too XD Really? lol sweatdrop That's alright sometimes my friends think I have multiple personalities. xd ^^
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