Welcome to Gaia! ::

First off let me tell you this was not intentional.
Caryn and I were invited to a party, that much I remember. After that all I pull is a complete blank. The next thing I know I'm walking into work, no clue how I got there.
First thing I notice is that I have one killer of a headache. Next thing that makes it through the fog is that there are too many people here for it to be a Saturday. And the last thing is that everyone is staring and what was embarrassing was what they were staring at...Me. And for the life of me I can't figure out why. That is until my boss walks over
"Where have you been?"
"Whadaya mean." I slur. Am I drunk?
"You have been missing for four days Alyss!"
His statement snaps me into reality. Was I drugged? And where is Caryn.
Bile rose to my throat, "I think I should go home."
"Yeah that would be best."
I walk out into the parking lot rubbing my eyes.
"Alyss thank god!" I felt someone run into me and give me a big hug.
I looked down to see the blond head of my best friend, Caryn.
"Carrie.... I don't feel so well." and blacked out.
I could hear as if from a long distance some one screaming my name.

So lets recap while my conscious mind is off in LaLa land.

My name is Alyss White and today is the day I die.



So last Friday after work me and my best friend who was also a co-worker Caryn Daniels, invited me out for some drinks.
Halfway through the night Caryn was wasted, I hadn't touched alcohol since the day five years ago after the funeral of my boyfriend of three years who died in a car accident. Caryn found me so drunk that I didn't know the ceiling from the floor, she forcibly put me in the bathtub and gave me a cold shower. I spent the rest of the night and most of the next morning in the hospital getting my stomach pumped because of alcohol poisoning.
So a very handsome man whom we shall refer to a 'The Great Hotness' invited us to a dusk til dawn party, Caryn was all to eager to join and I tagged along for the fun, that and I was her designated driver.
I don't remember anything after we left the bar till I walked into work four days later.
What I will tell you now is what I remembered as I lay unconscious in the hospital with every specialist in the city scratching their heads trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with me.
What I remember now of the party was there were a lot of people. Most of them resembled 'The Great Hotness' in beauty and ethereal disinterest. One in particular couldn't keep his eyes off me and as the sun made an appearance on the horizon drew me to a dark corner where he started to what seemed at the time to kiss my neck.I started to grow weak and pass out.
An angry growl erupted from somewhere behind me and I was forcibly yanked out of his arms and hit the floor...Hard. I was knocked unconscious by the impact.

It's very interesting. But I did feel like I was sorta stumbling in the first part over sentences that were not very concise. Remember you can always have a beta-reader to look over your work, or if you can't find anyone you can try reading the sentences outloud to determine if they make any sense. I know that sounds kinda weird but talking outloud will help you figure out where the mistakes are and it will make revising a lot easier.