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 Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2005 5:59 am
Hello again. I had a "flash/vision" last night. Why don't I put up a link for success stories! So here it is! This is in unison with "For victims", so you don't have to post your history here, just what steps you made in the way of healing (like joining the guild, for example!).
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Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2005 6:25 am
Ok, I'll go first... As many of you already know (those who had the stamina to read my whole story on the "For victims" thread, I'm a success story...person... yeah. redface
Anyways, my path to healing was one many never take. I went through the system, got help, etc. I called a child's helpline in my area. They then referred me to an organization with my very own social worker. Woohoo! Anyways, I went through that whole thing, just didn't go to court or anything like that. The social worker judged that all we needed to do was talk (me and my father) and that she couldn't really do anything except relay my feelings to him (telling him not to joke about my body/sex life/libido). That's still going on, by the way, but less than before. Anyways, after that, I went to my high-school counsellor (a woman) and she helped me deal with it, and figure out that it wasn't my fault, and it didn't matter how old I was, it was still wrong. I saw her for a few months, and then I felt o.k. enough to go out on my own for a while.
When I started to go to college, everything started cropping up again (you know how that feels) and my boyfriends family was very supportive. And so I decided to go back into counselling. I saw a woman, who said that she could only see me about once every two weeks, and at that point, I felt I needed more frequent visits (I was depressed, I was getting scared alot, etc. etc.). So she said that Carmine would probably be able to see me once a week. So I said "What's she like?" Her response was "Umm... Carmine is a man." You should have seen my reaction! Me, going to see a male counsellor??!!! I was shocked, and really nervous about it. Everyone tells me I'm really brave, and I guess this is another "brave" moment of mine... I decided to meet him. See where things went from there. And so we arranged a meeting for the next week (people on here will remember a post I made to the effect of "I'm seeing a counsellor again!"). That day, my boyfriend came to school with me, and waited in the reception area until my first session was done...
I can't tell you how surprised I was when he touched my shoulder and asked me to come in his office. I don't know how he knew it was me... perhaps my tense shoulders, maybe he'd gotten a description beforehand... I went into his office (and this is a bit fuzzy) I think I started to cry within the first 5 minutes. (How embarassing!). So he waited. When I was able to regain control of myself, we started talking. And I talked... and talked... I think he knows my entire family by now. I told him about aunts, uncles, grandparents... we barely touched the subject at hand, but that was fine with me! I'm going to see him for as long as possible, and I promise to do a "double-take" when I think I've ha enough.
After that first session, school stopped for the semester, and I went on living a normal enough life. Then, about 2 weeks ago, I remembered my counselling, and that I hadn't made an appointment for the new semester. However, there was a glitch. At this time, I decided to take a semester off from college, because I had a full-time job, and I had rent to pay. I called the school at exactly 8:45 in the morning, because I knew school opened at 8:30 am. So I called... and called... and called... I was very determined! But nobody answered the phone for a good half-hour. Finally, I got his voice mail, and asked him to call me back. He did, within about 2 hours. I told him about my predicament, and he agreed to help me when I don't have work. We have the same morning free, so we meet every thursday morning at 9am. I can't tell you how much I look forward to those days!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought for sure I would never be able to see a male counsellor (women usually want to see other women, it makes them feel like they REALLY understand.) I was wrong. He's the best damn cousellor I've ever had, and who knows... maybe he'll be able to explain some things that others couldn't...
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 10:19 am
just an update on my story. last week, my now ex-boyfriend tried to force me to perform oral sex on him by pushing my head not once, but twice. and he hit me in between that. so i broke up with yesterday after i finally felt like i could speak to him without wanting to cry, and i'm moving on. i just wanted him to know exactly what it was he had done to me as a sort of satisfaction for myself. i'm glad that i could confront him about it, and now i'm involved with my best friend
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 10:36 pm
WOW princess! you Go GIRL! i'm glad you stood up for yourself!!!
i don't exactly have a 'success story' but i'm coping! so far it hasn't bothered me too much, except for the fact that the boy who did it to me now goes to my college. But, apart from making sure i never talk to him, life hasn't changed. smile
I'm happy that my prev relationship is over, it stings that the moment i told him he ditched me.... makes it harder to do a second time. But i shall try.
hope you's all is happy as me, well at least content ^^.
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Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 5:58 pm
SilentLark so far it hasn't bothered me too much, except for the fact that the boy who did it to me now goes to my college. see, that was actually one of the things i was worried about when my attacker (the one from high school, not my ex) finally graduated from high school last year. everyone knew which school i went to and if he had actually went to college, i was worried that he would go to my school. my ex, however, will be coming here next year. i don't know how well that situation is gonna be considering i'm with someone now and that person happens to be someone that he hates very much. but i feel better now, though
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Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 4:03 pm
my success story isn't really that of success. it's that of small progress.
two years ago i was ubducted an raped outside of philadelphia, pennsylvania. i was taken somewhere, i didn't know. i'd been blindfolded. i was thrown on a bed and tied down, and then raped. it was horrible and i pray i will never have to relive that experience ever again.
afterward i felt worthless, i thought women were only here to be used. i didn't feel important or good enough. but slowly i've been able to regain confidence, realize i'm human, i have rights to live and be given person space. yes things haunt me, yes i still have vivid dreams, but i'm still living and i'm actually happy.
so my success isn't complete, but i've grown so much.
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2005 1:18 am
I already posted most of my story on the victim thread. I just didn't say what I have done to heal.
At 14 I found it very uncomfortable to hold onto my boyfriends hand, and when he went to place his arm across my shoulders I freaked out. And ran to a corner and cried. (my counsellor later told me it was a panic attack). In the past when my experiences had caused me problems my parents were of no help, so at the suggestion of a friend I saw the school nurse. And because of a bunch of rules that teachers and professionals have to follow when such is presented to them, she contacted the police and the Children's Aid Society. I saw a counsellor 3 times before Dad cancelled, but I knew this was what I needed. The following year I found out that the school had a program that would assist in getting me to see a councellor, but I needed parental concent. Mom was all I needed and I went for a year of counselling behind my Dad's back.
One of my aunts happened to be at my parents place when the police came to do their investigation. That was when I found out that she and my other aunts had also been abused by my grandpa. They didn't think he would go after his grandkids like he did them. If I hadn't of talked to the nurse and the police didn't put up the supervised visits my cousins could have been victims too....what if's are too creapy....
My sisters and I had been sharing the same room until mom's uncle was forced to leave. Once Dad said he wasn't going to rent it out to anyone I immediatly claimed his old bedroom, even though I had been hurt in there. With some paint and a few posters it became my room and my sanctuary.
As I grew more comfortable telling my story to the counsellor I also started telling my friends and learned that there were others who has also been abused. Upon the suggestion of my counsellor I was also learning more about sexual abuse/rape, and abuse/assault in general. But I took all that research one step further and where apropriate for highschool and college oral presentations, I combined my story with statistics, and research and presented it to some of my classes. (did you know that in an average size classroom you can expect there to be at least 3-5 survivors?)
My final year of college was weird for me. A memory of something my uncle had done when I was 5 surfaced during a meditation (up to this point I had no memory of him doing anything). Grandpa told his version of what happened at the cottage and I was faced with his denial, my anger, and wondering how would it affect the other survivors of my family and who would choose to support him over me. (I'm still sorting that one out). Then months later, my uncle came up to me and asked if I remembered what he did. I told him what I did remember he appologized and admitted to there being more. (think this was more because his new wife works at a womans shelter, and not because of Grandpa story).
I still have anger issues with grandpa, and my Dad, and mixed emotions about the lack of support from my parents and my aunts silence (until it was too late) and my family in general. Mom's uncle I haven't had contact with since I was 15. I would hear the occasional rumor about him and finaly a couple of years ago that he had died alone in his apartment and no one realized it until 2 days later. My sisters were very happy with the news. I don't blame them rofl , but for a while I did pity the guy, I mean there were family that I cared about who would miss him, and it taking 2 days for anyone to realize he was dead (probably due to the smell) isn't one of the nicest ways to go.
But I try not to let this all get to me. It will come up from time to time, But I have learned to deal with it in small managable bits. Otherwise it become too overwhelming. My confrontation with Grandpa will come when it is apropriate.
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