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 Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 2:56 pm
hey i was thinkin this is an entertainment guild right? so why not have some entertaining little tales or jokes i havnt seen a joke thread yet so here it is. everyone should tell a funny or add a witty statement onto the previous comment just to make our daysthat more full of mirth
so i guess i'll start us off
i think mental instatutions should cary a nut warnings
"cannot garuntee nut free"
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 6:50 pm
I GOT A JOKE Whats the opposite of up
Down..... hahahahahhahahha
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:04 pm
This ones the only one i can think of atm that isn't rude:
But first a definiation for those who (due to certain words not used in their cultral/countries dialog) don't know what Puke is: Vomit, Chunder.... to be sick ~ sometimes pple complain about my australian lingo
Two Pukes are walking down the street when when they pass a pub. Suddenly one of the Pukes stops and cries.
The other Puke says to the Pukes who's crying "What's the matter?"
"Oh," Said the crying puke " you see that pub over there that's where i was brought up!"
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 1:33 pm
Neat thread Squirrel.
What do you get if you drop a Grand Piano down a mine.
A Flat Minor
rofl
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Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 7:07 pm
As an American of Polish descent, I have the right to make this joke...
How many Pollocks does it take to screw in a lightbulb??
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Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 7:08 pm
Tendrhrted As an American of Polish descent, I have the right to make this joke... How many Pollocks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? Three..... One two hold the lightbulb, two to turn the ladder!!! rofl
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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 5:26 pm
There was a man who worked for the Post Office... whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses .One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds,he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day,all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later,another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. It must have been those thieving ******** at the Post Office.
Sincerely, Edna
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 4:40 am
rofl rofl rofl ::laughs heartily:: I heard that one about the post office before, but it's still funny!!!! rofl rofl rofl
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:17 am
Badgerjmg Neat thread Squirrel. What do you get if you drop a Grand Piano down a mine. A Flat Minor rofl That's hilarious! Um... I can't think of one.
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:54 am
Two men are driving through Rockhampton when they get pulled over by the boys in blue. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick.
"What the hell was that for?" the driver asks.
"You're in Queensland mate" the copper answers. "When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
"I'm sorry, officer," the driver says, "I'm from Victoria".
The copper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean-- and gives the guy his license back. The copper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the copper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
"What'd you do that for?" the passenger asks.
"Just making your wish come true," replies the copper.
"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asks.
"Because I know," the copper says," that two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your mate and say, "I wish that a*****e would've tried that s**t with me!"
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:55 am
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
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Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 1:39 am
rofl very funny mars. rofl
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Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 1:42 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 12:56 am
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 12:57 am
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
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Reply
