Interesting form for a poem.
Quote:
“What could be stalking me?”
“No creature stirred this early what could it be?”
Is there one character with a split personality or two characters?
Did you mean a sigh was released?
Quote:
Yet the eyes did feel like it pierced my soul
I think they would fit better then it, because eyes is plural
Quote:
I stumbled forward going on towards my destination, and then more sound behind me came again.
The end is written in an interesting manner. The more I read it the more it makes sense and I like it, sorry I'm blathering a bit.
Quote:
I turned, another one came upon the scene, it stood beside the other as if it aided it.
Did the gnome walk on the scene or had it just appeared?
Quote:
I waited nothing happened
I would make this two sentences cause I think that would add to the suspense a bit.
Quote:
deep painted lifeless cheerful eyes
I believe that since it's a list you're supposed to put commas between the adjectives.
Quote:
With one quick sound of a coo of a bird they attacked
the double "of a" isn't working well in this sentence in my opinion.
Quote:
A man on a bike peddled by, but through the chaos of the attack I managed to hold a hand out to him
I think that the but should be replaced with and to make more sense.
lol forgot the critique, sorry.
I definetly enjoyed the story line. It was interesting though there were one or two times that I couldn't quite understand the setting towards the end.
The title was interesting, though I didn't feel that it fit as well as other titles could.
I enjoyed the suspense that you brought to the story and effectively kept alive.