Welcome to Gaia! ::

So, I decided to share my story and experiences as I learn more about all things mystic.

First of all, I'll start off with an introduction of myself. I'm a 17-year-old aspiring author and avid book collector. I have a pervasive mental disorder called Asperger's Syndrome.

This Syndrome causes me to have an extremely literal and logical mind, to where faith is almost an impossibility, and I have to see proof of things before I can believe they exist.

Now, this being said, I have absolute belief in the afterlife and spirits, and with good reason. It's not contradictory to my logical mind; in fact, it's because of it.

When I was young, I was sleeping over my grandmother's old, mining town house. Around the middle of the night, I woke up for no explainable reason, and then I started to feel like I was being watched.

I soon discovered why, as I turned my vision toward the open door. Standing out in the hall, in full Civil War (or older) military garb, gun and sword included. And he was staring right at me. I was absolutely petrified, and just as I began to wake my grandmother up, the man's head turned and he walked through the wooden closet doors outside the room. The linen, no-exit closet, which upon inspection had nobody within.

After my grandmother died, I moved into the house, as it was given to me in her will, and I was always wary of the upstairs. Especially since the same room where I saw the ghost was now my bedroom. Whenever I stepped off the top step, I was instantly aware of the feeling of being watched, and would almost always go out of my way to use the downstairs bathroom instead.

About 3 years after we moved there, I finally had enough, and moved my bedroom downstairs, as it was convenient with renovations being done. It was also around this time that my grandparents on my other side moved in with us, and we had a shower installed in the downstairs bathroom. I was overjoyed with the prospect of never having to go upstairs as long as we lived there.

The joy was short-lived, however, as I began to have the feeling of being watched even more intensely in my new room, and had horrific nightmares. At one point, I felt as though I were being choked to death, and that it was coming from the window beside me.

It wasn't until after we'd moved out that I was informed that my bedroom was the same room as where my grandfather, who had built the house, died.

There was also a house nearby my friend's, that no matter what time of year or day, made me feel horrible and paranoid whenever I got near. Recently, there was a news story about the owner of the house being a child molester. And this isn't the only moment in my life that could be considered to have psychic properties.

I don't know if it can be called an 'aura,' but when I stare at my hand, I see an almost invisible outline about 2 cm away from the skin. I have also always had a keen sense of presence, to where most people can't sneak up on me, even if I'm simultaneously walking, reading a book, and listening to my MP3 player.

Despite how logical and clear-cut everything is for me, I have an unwavering belief in the mystic, psychic, and magickal. It wasn't until recently that I discovered Wicca, and while I still don't have enough faith to have a personal religion, and am constantly having Christianity shoved down my throat, that I believe in Wicca and witchcraft far more than any other religion that I know of. And I know a lot, even at 17, because I am constantly studying mythology and theology whenever possible.

To havenee17, I don't really think of AS as a disorder, either. In fact, it's probably the reason I'm so steady and grounded, and it also gives me a higher-than-average IQ. I don't treat it as a crutch. It just makes me different, and it certainly helps me stand out in a crowd, as I generally don't care what others think of me.

That said, I recently watched a particular Japanese anime, and it broke some form of dam on my emotions, and I've been getting used to actually having emotions for the last three days. From what I understand, AS generally causes a serious lack of empathy, but since I cast a spell, my first ever, to empower the hematite ring and necklace I got in Salem during my last week of summer break to get rid of my negativity, and it seems to work, as this is the first time I've felt anything strongly since I was 12 or 13. And the hematite by itself is helping very well, as they block out anything negative and are letting me deal with things personally. So, yeah, I got to continue a discussion and add a new journal entry at the same time smile

I do general research into a massive number of topics, and then go back and delve deeper into what interests me. So far, that includes ghosts, ESP, human behavior, theology, Greek deities, spirits, and especially magick and divination.
I described it as a dam breaking because that's what it was truly like; I wasn't even aware of the emotions until suddenly I was flooded with them. I'm happy to say after three days of it, though, I seem to have gotten past that all, and now have simply acknowledged the emotions are there, but rarely used. It had a really good effect though; I've been finding my extreme pessimism toward the world becoming slightly less drastic recently.
I almost wonder if that spell I cast had the unexpected side-effect of giving me an opportunity to make myself less negative.
And, as this is about personal journeys, I just finished reading the second book in Madelyn Alt's fantastic Bewitching Mysteries series, and subsequently bought the rest of the series to date, as well as an amethyst pendulum; my first real magickal tool. I'm looking very forward to their arrival.

To Yanueh;
Thank you for the input. The person wasn't physical, but it definitely was a person. That I later discovered looked like my long-deceased grandfather. And he looked right at me before disappearing into a closet.
Regardless, I guess it's possible that it wasn't strictly a ghost in the sense of a spirit, but regardless of what it was, it destroyed any disbelief factor I may have had, and I now can only dismiss something as ludicrous when something happens that leaves no room for disagreement in its non-existence. In many ways, regardless of how terrifying it was, it's what made it possible for me to believe in anything, and I'm glad it happened.
Also, thank you for the congratulations smile

Perhaps you should start with the type of meditation that just lets it all go by as opposed to the type which tries to stop all the activity. It is like becoming an observer in your own head, not judging or remarking upon the content, just letting it flow.

So, today I did something impulsive, and don't know how it'll go. I recently joined the drama club at my school, and we had to all introduce ourselves in three sentences as an ice breaker. So, in a room full of people, including my teacher, I decided to mention I'm a practicing witch. Nobody seemed distressed by this, but only time will tell how this will go.

Recently, I think I may have contacted my Spirit Guide through the pendulum. I'm not 100% certain, but I think that's what happened. Unfortunately, there weren't any really important things to ask it beyond finding out if I was related to him/her (I'm not) or if I knew him/her (I didn't), as I wasn't exactly expecting it when I started to meditate.

That is very good to hear. Trusting in one's spirit guides or guardians is an important step.