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 Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 12:09 am
Hi...um...Well, I hate typing this kind of stuff up, but...I really need some good, christian advice.
Right now, I'm in my first 'real' relationship. I mean, I've had boys I met online that I called my boyfriends before, but none that I ever actually met and stuff. Until now, of course. After the second internet 'boyfriend' I decided it was time to stop thinking and worrying about boys and having a boyfriend and start focusing more on God.
Just this past April, however, I think God's sent someone across my path. We've been seeing each other since April.
My question is, how do I know how to tell him how I feel? I feel like our relationship is at a standstill right now, but I think it's more on my part and not his. I'm afraid of telling him how I feel about him, because our relationship is still pretty new, and I don't want to move too fast. I really, really care about this guy, and I tell him I love him and such, but I don't know where to draw the lines. I've never been in this kind of relationship before, one that a.) I know the guy in real life and b.) I seek God in it. So I just don't know how to proceed, I guess.
I guess what I'm asking is...How do I know what's appropriate to say? I want to tell him that I care, and I want our relationship to move forward past the shy 'hellos' and quiet smiles. But I also don't want to, at this point, say something like 'I love you, I wanna be with you forever'. 'Cause to be honest, I feel like it's way too soon to say something like that.
I'm sorry, I know I'm rambling. : / I can't seem to concentrate right now, or form my thoughts very clearly because the family's watching tv right now.
Um...I don't know if my age matters or not, but I'm in my early twenties, if you needed to know for any advice-related reasons.
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Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 3:11 pm
I am a sinner... "1 John 1:8"
I would like to say that I commend you on reaching out in the matters of your relationship.
It's normal for relationships to hit spots that aren't always sunshine and smiles, sometimes it's boring, other times it's hard, and you just want to give up.
Don't ever be afraid to tell your feelings to someone. As long as what you're saying is coming from truth and not what you think you want them to hear or what you think is right to say. Prayer is very important in all matters and we should ALWAYS seek God's will before we act on things. Is your boyfriend a believer? Does he know the lord and does he know that you are a believer? If you feel that you are starting to love him or that you do love him then honestly tell him. You can say things like "I love you and I'm glad I have you in my life and I would like to keep it that way". Has your boyfriend had other relationships before?
The lord will tell you what is right to say and what is not. Also, how do you want more forward in your relationship? Do you want to be able to have a deep meaningful conversation with him, do you want to be able to express your feelings openly to each other and not feel so awkward? Every relationship goes through it's own phases in it's own time. If you want to move forward in becoming more involved, then open up to him, tell him you want to move past those things. Keeping the lines of communication open or even just opening up those lines is quite important for a relationship to succeed. If you want to have a deeper conversation then go for walks together or to places of interest and talk about your thoughts on those things. Learn his interests and and help him learn about yours. If you both are believers then pray together, both of you ask God to direct the relationship. Read the word together and discuss what you get out of it. I'm not sure if anything I said helped or I said too much, but know that I'm praying for you and I hope all things work out for you!
... Saved by God's grace "Acts 15:11"
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Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 9:43 pm
Thank you very much...what you said meant a lot.
He is a believer, but I don't know how far along in his walk with God he is. I know he was coming to church with me, and will be again when he is able, and I do very much believe he loves God. My pastor, when I told her I was seeing him, told me she liked him a great deal, which isn't something she'd say if she didn't mean it.
I don't know exactly how I feel, though. I mean, I know that when I'm around him, my chest feels all fluttery, and I love it when he smiles, holds my hand, etc. I still feel really nervous around him, though. I've never been very good at talking to people as I've been more of a loner for a great deal of my life. My conversational skills are kind of...needing to be polished, I guess.
I've been seeking God, and asking him what to do. Right now I feel like he's been telling me to stick it out (which is hard for me, I'm shy, and even talking or hanging out with someone, much less a boyfriend, is very out of my comfort zone). I don't think God would tell me to do something he didn't want me to do...but I still get scared to say things about how I really feel. I get scared that I'll say it, but it'll sound too clingy, or crazy, or...well, whatever.
Thank you again for your advice, and for your prayers. They really do mean a lot to me, and I'll take your advice to heart. I think it was something I really needed to hear.
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Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:06 am
I am a sinner... "1 John 1:8"
I can totally understand the social skills problem. When I started dating my husband I felt shy and awkward. If something that was deep for me came up I basically shut off. I wouldn't talk, I my emotions just kind of shut down and I am unaware of my emotions and I lose all empathy. It's a pattern I have learned from Dad's side of the family. It's taken some mighty big upsets to start breaking me from it though and I'm glad I'm not doing it any more.
I realized once I started to really share about my thoughts and feelings, I can't just hold them in anymore. It's important to have open communication. Maybe you could prime the pump by asking him how he feels about the relationship and what he would like to see happen between the two of you. He may be just as nervous as you to tell you that he likes you. You can tell him he gives you butterflies when he is near, that you enjoy holding his hand, or other simple statements like that at different times can help too because it's not rushing into all the feelings at once. I'm a clingy person as it is though, and it's something that my husband found cute while we were dating. Because it was pretty much the only way I could get it across that I really liked him and loved him. I lacked the words to say and so I showed it in different ways.
... Saved by God's grace "Acts 15:11"
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Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 2:26 pm
That makes a lot of sense, thanks. : )
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Posted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:09 pm
Jewel1986 That makes a lot of sense, thanks. : ) I am a sinner... "1 John 1:8"
I hope things are going better for you and your relationship. I'm here if you ever want to talk about anything!
... Saved by God's grace "Acts 15:11"
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