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I'm sorry to be the one to have this thread made but I think it's an excellent idea heart heart heart

True, you are not the reason for this thread. (Sorry to steal it from you) But I wanted this just as much. I think the main reason we had our disagreement was because I was in just as bad a state. I really felt hurt after seeing that post. You know the one. But rather than not let it hurt, I did. And then I made it worse... So heart heart

I haven't replied to the thread 'out there' but in here is better.

I totally have my down times too, when I get so awfully depressed that I feel like nothing can pull me out, and I get super reclusive too and don't want to talk to anybody or share my feelings or even breathe.

About a decade ago I tried lots of different anti-depressants, but none of them helped me with even small significance, and the side-effects weren't fun, so I got off all of them. I have very little sex drive as it is, but the meds made me kind of.. unable to function. And getting off the meds was a complete reversal of that for a short while (giving me my first and only "multiples" in my life, if you get what I mean.)

I also experienced an unpleasant side-effect while taking Effexor that gave me an electric shock feeling down my arm(s) when I'd turn my head. When I told the doctor, he said "well that isn't a documented side effect, so it can't be".. well YAHAW! It's DOCUMENTED NOW! WITH ME!! If I could find the way to 'officially' document it, because I read that this exact occurrence is a side effect of OTHER anti-depressant or anti-anxiety meds. Stupid doctor not believing me. Like I'd make something like that up when I'd never ever heard of such a thing before I experienced it...

I'm SO AFRAID of going through menopause!! I've seen the effects it has had on my mother-in-law, and I have a hard enough time with irritability and flying off the handle and snapping at people and not being able to handle even the simplest things already as it is!! (I honestly thought I wouldn't live that long. But I also honestly thought I wouldn't live THIS long!)

Also, growing up, I was also picked last in teams, made to cry in PE, felt so much lower than everybody around me, felt different all my life and like I don't belong. But here I do. Online is a whole nother universe where I can BE the person I am inside without all the self-consciousness.

Oh god, I so wanted to cry when I read that thread out there about how everyone has been feeling. Like I want to cry now. It's so hard living feeling the way we've all felt.

Whole heartedly agree!!



I think it's something that you can't really recognize in yourself that something's truly wrong and needs fixing/help because when you're that deep down, nothing matters anymore. "Helping" things and "fixing" things don't even seem to be recognized concepts anymore because it's just all helpless despair, and the only way you seem to be able to look is down. Ugh, I don't even remember what things bring me up from the deepest despair. Oh, the desire to have a baby and the excitement and anticipation of a whole new focus to my life brought me out of one depression. But then the frustration of being infertile for 2 years added a whole new spin on things, but at least it was an alive/awake crying sort of despair and not a 'nothing matters anymore' depression.

I did try St. John's Wort about a year ago and gave it longer than the recommended trial period, but it actually made things worse for a while, and then if it helped it all, it wasn't a significant enough help, so I stopped that too.

Right now I just carry on. I have my ups, and I have my downs. As long as I eventually come up from a down, it's ok. I think at least believing spiritually that suicide will leave me with all kinds of unfinished karma (and then some, for the karma of what that caused to those around me,) and that I'll have to come back and repeat it all over again and GET through whatever I didn't get through this time, is enough to deter me, and I'll always hang in there.

Hmm.. I'm trying to find the exact quote online, but I can't.

This morning Jason was watching Contact, with Jodie Foster, and the being on the far off planet tells her that humans are an interesting species, capable of the most beautiful dreams, and the most horrible of nightmares. He said that they found that out of all the bad stuff out there, that the one thing that really mattered and that brought everything into light was "each other."

This really hit home. Having each other, leaning on each other, caring about one another, and helping each other is really what the point of the world is all about.

And this afternoon, this same lesson also hit home when we were driving to Santa Fe and I noticed how the pigeons up on the telephone polls were always sitting in social groups. They take comfort in each other's presence. And then I saw a huge flock of them take off and fly around, and two stray birds came and joined them, and then another one broke off and started flying off by itself in another direction. I expected it to turn and rejoin them, but it kept going off by itself. Just before it went out of view, I saw another pigeon catch up to it from behind. It has noticed the other one going off by itself and went to say maybe "hey! don't leave!" or "I want to be with you!" or something. It noticed, and it cared.

Anyway, that's a silly story, but it made an impact on me. I need to remember when I'm down that shying away from social contact doesn't help me as much as talking to someone does.

I know what you mean Jelly. But coming here and talking this all out with you all has made me feel so much better. Huggles

Makes perfect sense to me.