PIE picked up to a very glad Ph!zz. PIE calmly assured her that most South American hissing sloths turn red before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually earnestly belch *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Ph!zz. Why was PIE trying to distract Ph!zz? Because she had snuck out from Ph!zz's with the cake only seven days prior. It was a eccentric little cake... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Ph!zz got back to the subject at hand: her cake. PIE yawned. Relunctantly, PIE invited her over, assuring her they'd find the cake. Ph!zz grabbed her rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, PIE realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the cake and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if Ph!zz took the time machine, she had take at least eight minutes before Ph!zz would get there. But if she took the ph!zzes new car? Then PIE would be scarcely screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, PIE was interrupted by four clueless Care Bears that were lured by her cake. PIE turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling concerned, she deftly reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and aimlessly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the ph!zzes new car rolling up. It was Ph!zz.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of carrots, so she knew she was running late. With a calculated leap, Ph!zz was out of the ph!zzes new car and went indiscriminately jaunting toward PIE's front door. Meanwhile inside, PIE was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the cake into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind her elephant. PIE was exasperated but at least the cake was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' PIE exotically purred. With a careful push, Ph!zz opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling coke fiend in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' she lied. 'It's fine,' PIE assured her. Ph!zz took a seat excruciatingly close to where PIE had hidden the cake. PIE panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Ph!zz was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, PIE noticed a clueless look on Ph!zz's face. Ph!zz slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
PIE felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Ph!zz asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the cake right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Ph!zz's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Ph!zz nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before PIE could react, Ph!zz randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The cake was plainly in view.
Ph!zz stared at PIE for what what must've been nine millseconds. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, PIE groped scandalously in Ph!zz's direction, clearly desperate. Ph!zz grabbed the cake and bolted for the door. It was locked. PIE let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Ph!zz,' she rebuked. PIE always had been a little dimwitted, so Ph!zz knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before PIE did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at her or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, she gripped her cake tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
PIE looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Ph!zz. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Ph!zz. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. PIE walked over to the window and looked down. Ph!zz was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Ph!zz was struggling to make her way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind PIE's place. Ph!zz had severely hurt her scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the cake. One by one they latched on to Ph!zz. Already weakened from her injury, Ph!zz yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with her cake.
But then God came down with His plucky smile and restored Ph!zz's cake. Feeling puzzled, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice. Then He got in His pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac and zipped away with the fortitude of one million 3-legged wallabies running from a teensy pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Ph!zz danced with joy when she saw this. Her cake was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes her favorite TV show, [insert show ph!zz hates here], was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet ebola'). Ph!zz was overjoyed. And so, everyone except PIE and a few gun-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Sorry if it's a bit long. xDD BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANYWAYS! <3
Pain.Is.Exciting
xxPuppy
So, what do we do here?
Basically just wish ph!zz a happy birthday, and get her/make her something (like a story) if you want.
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