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 Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:44 pm
Status: LOOKING FOR CRITIQUES
A quick note - please let me know about misspelled words. I'm dyslexic so its not abnormal for me to misspell things. c: I have also not taken an English class since high school (approximately five years) and so am not really up to date on the current MLA standards in writing. So feel free to let me know about errors like that, but please do so politely. c: X X X X X X X X X X X X X _____________❁ ɑbout the ʗhɑrɑcter ❁____ O O O oooooooooName : Chakri, MalaioooooooooAlliance : LegionoooooooooPath : WarrioroooooooooSkin Tone : Pale with blue undertones (kind of like how a normal human can have peach/pink/etc undertones)oooooooooBody Style : Athletic, lithe like a dancer'soooooooooHair Color/Style : Light brown, to her waist and usually kept in a ponytail pulled over her shoulder or in a bunoooooooooEye Color : Golden brownoooooooooClothing Description : Malai prefers snug fitting shirts that won't hinder her movements and pants that are baggy along the legs but snug at the ankle. She likes shoes with a subtle heel but are good for lots of running, walking, or sparring. Colors she might wear would be greens, browns, with subtle reds. (But really, she'd wear anything so long as it fits well and won't interfere with sparring.)oooooooooAccessory Description : Because she loves to spar, she wears bracers suitable for Muay Thai and its many strikes on her arms. Other than that...whatever the artist feels would be suitable for her, works just fine. c:oooooooooHobbies: Singing, dancing, watching others fight, exploring outdoorsoooooooooLikes : Strawberries, lemons, sparring, horses, dogs, the outdoors, winningoooooooooDislikes : onions, frilly things, annoying people, losing, being stuck indoors, cats
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:46 pm
X X X X X X X X X X X X X _____________❁ ɑbout the ρersonality ❁____ O O O ooooooooo
BLURB: coming soon oooooooootrait იი1 I like to think on my feet, but warning - my mouth moves faster than my mind sometimes
Malai learned to think on her feet when she was younger, having to constantly find ways to get herself out of trouble she had gotten herself into, or out of sticky situations she had wound up in. Her elder brothers only helped this, often blaming the mischievous young Malai for things they had done themselves. Her quick thinking and fast talking helped her get out of trouble or find ways to shift the blame to the ones that usually deserved it. (Not that she was completely innocent - she has, in the past, used those skills to get others into trouble too.) This ability to think on her feet lends itself well to fighting and strategy as she can take in a lot of information, quickly process it, formulate a new plan and blurt it out quickly. Not all of these plans work, however, as they are not always 100% thought out. oooooooootrait იი2 You can't make me do it if I don't want to
Malai was not always the strongest or fastest of her siblings and often was defeated in sparring rounds as a young child. She learned quickly that no matter how hard she was hit or how fast the opponent was she should stand up and try again. The young Lunarian felt the need to prove herself to her father and even when there was no hope in the match would stand up to continue until she was knocked out or the person refereeing called the match. This behavior showed especially strong when she felt something was wrong or that someone was being treated wrongly – she would stubbornly stick by her beliefs even if it meant having to fight or getting jeered at for it. She was not always right, however, when she thought the other person was wrong and this did lead to some unnecessary arguments. If Malai gave her word, she stuck to it even if it did seem a little ridiculous to do and in fact, the more someone jeered, told her to leave it alone, or told her not to worry about it – the more she dug in and stuck to her proverbial guns. On the flip side, though, if she digs her heels in and does not want to do something it is very difficult to get her to see why she should do exactly what she doesn’t want to.oooooooootrait იი3 I'm here if you need me, you know where to find me
Though she was younger than most of her siblings, Malai developed a soft spot and was the person they went to when they needed some patching up and their Mother wasn't around. She listened to their girl troubles and gave them advice as they grew older, and took to rescuing small animals to fix them up. Regardless of how often they fought, she was dependable and they admired that much about her. Especially when she never spoke to their parents of anything they told her. Malai's caring and nurturing nature really blossomed when her younger siblings were born. She spent most of the time she wasn't in lessons or sparring with them, helping her mother care for them. oooooooootrait იი4 Stand by me and I'll stand by you
With many siblings, Malai grew up knowing that in order to stand tall and strong you must stand together. She may not always agree with someone, how they do things, or what they believe, but if she is their friend or feels they are on the same side then she will stand with them regardless of what happens. However, while she is extremely loyal and will stand with someone through thick and thin, if they cross the line from honorable to dishonorable or ethical to unethical or betray someone in any way she will walk away and never look back. As far as she is concerned, once you have done that you are no longer someone worth spending time with, and her loyalty to you on any level is void. She doesn’t go so far as to deem them enemies, but the grudge she bears against those who do become betrayers or are dishonorable shows well through any act of politeness or kindness she may put on. oooooooootrait იი5 I don't like to lose and I don't plan on stopping until I'm the best I can be
Malai does not like to lose and has always had a competitive streak due to growing up sparring with her siblings. In her mind, if she lost, she was letting her teacher down. Letting him down was not an option as he was not just her instructor but also her father. When she does lose, she attempts to do so gracefully though has been known to grow pouty over it and will strive twice as hard to win the next time she comes up against that person. Her need to prove she is just as fast, strong and intelligent as the next person no matter whom they are leads her to train and study hard to be the best. She is determined to never falter and to never give up just as much as she is to never (or at least rarely) lose.
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:49 pm
X X X X X X X X X X X X X _____________❁ ℸhe ωɑrrior ωithin ❁____ O O O oooooooooWEAPON The Thai halberd or spear, which most closely resembles the naginata used in Japan, but with a hook on the opposite side of the sharpened part of the blade, where the person wielding it could hook the weapon of their opponent from a safe distance away.oooooooooFIGHTING STYLE Muay Thai & Krabi Krabong oooooooooREASON Malai's father is a master of Muay Thai and raised each of his children in the martial art from the time they could walk. She enjoyed fighting with her siblings to see who would be The Best in their Father's eyes. As soon as Malai was old enough, her Mother increased her tutelage to include weapons training because she felt bashing people with her limbs was just not womanly enough for her young daughter. Although Malai prefers the rush involved in Muay Thai, she has come to love the art of Krabi Krabong and the use of the spear. oooooooooMAGIC Seal Forming oooooooooREASON Malai was raised on Muay Thai and Krabi Krabong, which are deeply spiritual martial arts. Muay Thai in particular focuses on the ritual before the match, Wai Khruu, which is a dance set to traditional Thai music that the competitors do to center themselves. Because she is accustomed to specific steps and rituals, Malai believes Seal Forming is the most suitable form of magic for her to learn and utilize in battle. To her, it would require the same level of expertise as her Muay Thai does and the ritual of forming the Seals will better center her for and during battle.
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:50 pm
X X X X X X X X X X X X X _____________❁ ℸhe Һistory ℸhɑℸ mɑkes us ωhɑℸ ωe ɑre ❁____ O O O oooooooooA HARD LESSON Her Father had taught her the basic moves for Muay Thai and the Wai Khruu that had to be performed before each match. It was Malai's first competition with her brothers, who were both older and stronger than she and her father had gathered some friends to help with performing the Wai Khruu properly. They had, in turn, brought their sons and daughters for the tournament, while the wives brought food for pot luck. Enough people showed up that a small tournament was created and Malai was more than happy to show off her skills in it. Though she defeated her first opponent, her next was her elder brother and he did not take it easy on the little girl. She went back for more each time the round ended and the points went to him and when the fight was over and he was declared the winner, she burst into tears in front of everyone. Malai felt ashamed at having lost and she hurt from all the hits she'd taken that day. Her mother had to carry her out of the tournament and did her best to soothe her daughter, but her father's glower stayed with her for the rest of the day. He had been disappointed in her and she knew it. The next day she apologized to her father, for embarrassing him before his friends, and to her brother for being such a sore loser. Both laughed and shrugged it off, but she knew she had made a mistake. From then on Malai tried her best to not cry when she lost and to bow to the winner and thank them for the match. Its not something she always succeeds at, but the disgrace of her father stays with her when she wants to throw a tantrum for losing.oooooooooEVERYTHING HAS A RITUAL After disgracing her family once, young Malai quickly threw herself into her studies, focusing on the ritual of Wai Khruu and soon began to notice that almost everything they did in their lives was a ritual or repeated from the day before. Each morning she got up and would do the exact same things to get ready for the day. Training started the same way each day with little difference in the pattern of events, and her tutoring continued on in the same way each day, though new things were learned at each lesson. Malai began to focus on the ritual of the every day and used it to find her inner peace in everything she did. Before a test, she would center herself using a version of Wai Khruu she had adopted for the every day things. Each morning Malai does the Wai Khruu in her house to start herself off on the right foot in the morning and she does it again at night to find peace before going to sleep. She finds that having a set routine works best for her and if that routine is too disrupted may find herself at a momentary loss of what to do, or in a short state of freaking out before regaining her calm. oooooooooLITTLE SIBLINGS TO CARE FOR The birth of her younger brother and then her baby sister made Malai realize there was more to her existence than just learning Muay Thai and Krabi Krabong. There was also a softer side that needed nurturing and when her father was too busy to help her mother with the children, Malai assisted in caring for them. She learned how to wrap a swaddle and change a diaper, how to feed a baby and helped teach them how to walk and talk. Having someone in the house younger than her also taught her she had to be more responsible for herself, not everything was her brothers' faults and it gave her someone to look out for. The babies taught her responsibility beyond herself and were her first great lesson in the reality of life and growing up. oooooooooLOYALTY, ABOVE ALL ELSE When the war started, her father sided with the Emperor. He had always believed in the monarchy and had raised his children to obey the Emperor and to follow him where ever he lead. Her mother, subsequently also sided with the Emperor, though she would quietly disagree with him and would have preferred to side with the Nobles. Between her father's strict loyalty to the Emperor and her mother's obvious disagreement with it but also siding with him, Malai learned that no matter the cost, loyalty was respected and required above all else. Her personal opinions aside, she knew that when the choice was to be made it would not be her's alone, for her entire family was loyal to the Emperor. And to them, that loyalty was everything in the world.
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:51 pm
X X X X X X X X X X X X X _____________❁ ℸhe fɑmily ℸree ❁____ O O O oooooooooCHANARONG Father
Her relationship with her father is one full of expectations. Malai is expected to be as strong and fast as her elder brothers, but as feminine as her mother who is not much of a fighter. She is expected to rarely lose a fight - whether it be against another opponent [verbally or physically] or within herself. The bar is set high and this occasionally causes strain on their relationship. But overall, she loves him and her father loves her very much. He will rarely say it but he is proud of who she is and loves her for that same reason. He is definitely not someone Malai would go to for emotional support, though. He tends to recommend more training or some sparring to beat out the frustrations than an understanding of the inner workings of a young woman who needs an emotional outlet every now and then that isn't physical in nature.oooooooooTASANEE Mother
Malai's relationship with her mother is extremely tight. Though she rarely goes to her mother for advice and is not really into the "girly" side of things, she knows that when everything else fails, her mother's words will see her through anything. Often words are not needed with Tasanee. If Malai is stressed or needs emotional support, her mother will wordlessly sweep her into a hug and hold her until Malai chooses to speak. If she does. Tasanee's words are far and few between, but what she does say is usually profound or has a great impact on the person she speaks to. Because of this, Malai respects her mother on a much higher, more proud level than she does her father.oooooooooNIRAN Grandfather
Malai has a deep respect for her grandfather Niran. Though he lost his wife, friends, and most recently children and grandchildren he remains steadfast and strong in his beliefs. He speaks no nonsense and that's something that pleases Malai. Her grandfather has a great sense of humor and a teasing nature such that its often difficult to tell if he's joking or being serious. The lessons he has taught Malai are many and her respect and love for her grandfather are obvious in their every interaction. Whenever she is angry, if her father recommends something she disagrees with, she will go to Niran for advice. His words calm her as fast as her mother's hugs.oooooooooMONGKUT Eldest Brother
Mongkut has always been Malai's biggest rival. He is the eldest and is much larger than Malai in size. Always has he acted as if he is superior to her in everything, and though he sometimes proves that he is when it comes to sparring, she has a strong need to beat him every chance she gets. At the same time, though they are hardcore rivals, when she needs a helping hand or someone to rely on, she knows she can go to Mongkut. He is always there for her even though he teases her when she does need help. oooooooooSUNAN Older Brother
He has always been the look-out type, keeping an eye on Malai as much as he can whether this attention was asked for or not. He feels he is her protector and has challenged her to numerous sparring matches just to prove to her that she must work harder than ever to maintain or improve her skills so that she can watch out for herself. He worries over her, and all of his siblings, which can cause annoyance, especially for Malai. She doesn't believe she needs a man keeping an eye on her for her safety and tries to beat him at his own game sometimes by escaping his watchful eye. oooooooooVIROTE Older Brother
This brother is boisterous and frustrating to Malai. He is a loud mouth without the skills to back it up in her mind and she has often found herself trying to help him out of sticky situations which then require Sunan's assistance for the both of them to escape. He has a short fuse and when it comes to Malai and Lawan will fly off the handle if either are injured - whether verbally or physically. He tries to be a protector like Sunan, but winds up being the aggressive annoyance more than anything else in Malai's mind.oooooooooDAW Younger Brother
Malai has a soft spot for Daw and has taken him under her wing to teach him Muay Thai. She doesn't want him to go through what she did with training and tries to teach him in a soft manner that won't lessen his strength or ability to handle anything he gets into. He seems to be a little slower on the uptake, though, preferring dance to Muay Thai. She's like the protective big sister for him and cherishes every moment she gets with him. She doesn't want him to grow up to be like their elder brothers at all.oooooooooLAWAN Baby Sister
Malai spoils Lawan as much as she can and loves to spend time with her baby sister. She has taught her a few of the moves in Muay Thai but would rather her sister pursue the arts more than fighting. Lawan gets great joy out of things like flower arranging, dancing and singing and Malai gets just as much joy from watching her sister do those things. Spending time with Lawan is relaxing for Malai and so she does it as much as she can as a break from every day life.
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:52 pm
X X X X X X X X X X X X X _____________❁ ℸhe םrive ɑnם inℸenℸ of ɑ ωomɑn ❁____ O O O oooooooooLOYALTY Malai's family believes in tradition and following the lead of her father. Her father is loyal to the Emperor and so her mother is as well, as a dutiful wife should be. Because of this, Malai has also decided to side with the Emperor, to remain loyal not only to him but also to her family. oooooooooRESPECT Out of respect for the man who has ruled Lunaria for so long, respect for her parents and her older siblings who have since joined the war Malai has chosen to side with the Emperor. Though she is not sure if she respects the Emperor because of the leader he has been, or because of the fact he is simply the Emperor it is one of the reasons she tells people as her decision to side with the Legion.oooooooooDUTY A good citizen has a duty to their leader and Malai feels that sense of duty strongly. Having been raised from day one on a strict regimen of lessons and sparring sessions, she feels duty, respect, and loyalty lead to honor. Because of that sense of duty she will side with Legion, no matter how the war ends.oooooooooHONOR To a member of her family, honor is above all else. To gain and keep your honor, one must prove their loyalty beyond a shadow of a doubt. One must do their duties to their family and their nation without worry of their own safety. One must respect leadership and obey orders without question or hesitation. To build her honor and her reputation, Malai will join the Legion in defending the Emperor.
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:21 pm
X X X X X X X X X X X X X _____________❁ ɋuestions ɑnd suggestions ❁____ O O O oooooooooQUESTION answeroooooooooQUESTION answeroooooooooQUESTION answeroooooooooSUGGESTION responseoooooooooSUGGESTION responseoooooooooSUGGESTION response
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Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 9:13 pm
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Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 11:38 pm
Phew. All done! I'm ready for critiques, so please don't hesitate to be honest with me. c: I'm not very good at creating characters and I'm really looking forward to any and all suggestions you guys can offer.
Thanks for taking the time to look the thread over! <3
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Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:35 pm
Hm. I feel like trait 5 can be expanded on. Like was there anything that triggered her drive to be the best/never lose? Is she just naturally competitive? Or did something happen/some said something that made her want to prove to them that she could be the best?
For the family section, maybe you could add a little blurb about what each member is like and Malai's thoughts toward them?
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Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 9:05 pm
Thank you for the crit - I'll work on getting both of those areas updated. <33
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Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 4:33 pm
Trait 5 and the family section have been updated.
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Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:10 pm
Personality
It helped that her brothers would often blame things that were broken or trashed on her, because they knew how curious she was and knew that there was a good chance her parents would believe her. Though she usually succeeded in concocting an alibi quickly and was often believed,
This part confuses me a little. They got her in trouble because they knew their parents would believe her when she denied it?
Also, her personality seems to have 4 flaws and 1 positive trait. ovo Is she just a mouthy personality or is there more to her than her temper and her pride?
Warrior Within
I love how you incorporated her seal-forming to her natural movements!
History
While I enjoy what you're saying here, I think these are more traits with an explanation of how she came across them -- for the Ritual and Siblings parts. We don't really know about her life growing up save for some snippets, and it's not always from her point of view. Like, the loyalty part. It's a good, solid reason for her to join the Legion but it doesn't really say what her opinion is. Or if she has one. ovo I'm only bringing this up 'cause it's her history and some insight to her mind would be awesome. I can see things were rough and she had a general feeling/reaction towards thing, but to know her thoughts would be helpful. c:
The Drive
Is this just sort of a family creed? I'm not sure what this post is. It's nice, but it's not telling me much about her as much as her family.
Sorry if this is all kind of pointed, I just keep asking myself 'why?' and see if I can find the answer before I ask here. ;u;
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Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:16 pm
Thank you Chrys, the pointed crit is very helpful because it helps me see what I missed. c: I knew something was way off, but wasn't certain where, so now I have a basis for what to work on.
Thanks! <333
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