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Reply Work written between 2003 - 2006
My Feeble Attempt At Poetry

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panic_at_the_opera

PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:42 pm


I need to think, and I need to write.
Cause what I say, doesn't come out right.
I can't laugh, yet I can't cry.
All I can do is wonder why.
A man is gone, and that's a fact.
No amount of wishing will bring him back.
He left family and friends who now must deal
With the pain that's all too real.
Most who knew him are taking this rough,
while others only want his stuff.
If he were here, we all should know,
support for his wife he'd gladly show.
Yet as long as you-know-who puts his wife to the test
This great man in peace can't rest.
What I'd like to say, what this poem means,
LEAVE IT ALONE! HE'S NOT IN HIS THINGS!

((please be honest in your critiques. and does anyone have any ideas for a title...and one more thing...should I enter this in a local poetry contest?))
PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 3:07 pm


It's obviously a very moving piece, and has a clear, graphic message that I think most of us can relate to. My only critique of this piece is that your flow is a little interrupted in a few lines, and that throws the reading off.

Definately enter, it thought! It's a very emotional piece, and I think that will go over well.

The Bookwyrm
Vice Captain


panic_at_the_opera

PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 4:09 pm


thank you. There was a bunch of crap going on when I wrote that.
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Work written between 2003 - 2006

 
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