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I just started this story and I'm not entirely sure where it's headed. However, I would really like some opinions on how this opening is. And I would like your honest opinions. I'll take any criticism. As I add onto the stroy, I'll try to make sure this gets updated. Thanks everyone! xd


“In every world there is a dark, foreboding place. A place of terror and pain that haunts the minds of the people. A place that is forbidden to be entered. However, for those brave enough to traverse these dangerous grounds, there is another place they may never want to leave. This place is my home and I can come and go as I please. Only me and no one else. My personal sanctuary.
Here I don't need anyone. The rollings hills, mountains, river, and lake are my backyard. The deer, birds, otters, and insects are my friends and teachers. They speak to me and I respond. They give me food and I take no more than I need. I play with the wolf and bear cubs. I run with the wild foals. I climb the trees with the monkeys and see the distant sky. I lay among the flowers and dance beneath the stars. I listen to the chirps and croaks of the night and feel the soft breeze as it ruffles through my hair. The sun warms me and the night cools me. So here I don't need anyone, or anything, else.
My peaceful home is surrounded by a great forest known as Demon Trap Forest. It is thick and dark within. Large, looming trees stretch their branches into interlocking nets high into the sky. Animals in this forest are gigantic in size and strength. Their teeth and claws can destroy trees in a single swipe. Those living outside of the forest are terrified of entering and those that do are never seen again. The people also believe that spirits roam the forest and keep travelers lost in the forest for eternity. I am the only one who comes and goes through Demon Trap Forest, which is fine with me.”

A hazel eyed girl looked up at me with amazement and awe as I whispered in her ear. Her full attention was upon me. “That sounds wonderful!” she whispered in reply. “Rune, I want to see it someday!”

“If you can make it through the Demon Trap Forest, you can,” I snickered in reply.

“You'll take me won't you? If I'm with you, I'll make it with no problems.” She was practically bouncing with anticipation at this point. Like always, hiding my laughter became nearly impossible as I watched this ten year old girl. Her golden curls lightly bounced against her back and her small hands were clutching the edge of her bed. The soft, silk nightgown that she wore lay loosely around her tiny form while its light pink color cooled the darkness of her tanned skin.

I ushered her under her blankets and gently pushed the hair from her eyes. “Maybe someday, Princess Layla. For now, its time for you to sleep. You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow.”

Silently she smiled and nodded before curling into a comfortable position. I went over to the oil lamp hanging on the wall near the bed and extinguished it. As I reached the door, a little voice cried out to me, “Rune?”

“Yes, my princess?”

“If given the chance to return to your home, would you go?” I could hear the worry in her voice. Her face was clouded with shadows, but I knew that the worry also shown in her large hazel eyes.

“I'm not sure, Princess,” I sighed. “I do miss it, but I know that I would worry about you so much that I would have to return to your side.”

“Please don't ever leave me Rune.”

I smiled, “I will do my best. Sweet dreams, my little Princess.” Stepping out of the room, I heard her move under her blanket. I listened to her breathing till it became heavy with sleep. Silently, I closed the door and made my way down the hall toward the kitchens. There were still chores to be done before I too could rest my eyes..

The kitchens were overflowing with activity as the day drew to a close. Many of the servants made their way here for their evening meal before finishing whatever chores were left. I made my way through the crowd to the far side of the room. Here I set to work scrubbing dishes. Some of the maids sat nearby eating and gossiping.

"Have you heard? More people are flooding the outer gates every day. Soon we'll be overrun!" one of the maids whined.

"I know!" another responded. "We barely have enough food and supplies for ourselves. There is no way that we can support more."

A third piped up, "His Highness won't turn them away. He feels responsible due to the war."

"Well they don't have to all come here," sighed the first, who i finally recognized as Julia the head maid."By the way...Rune, where were you all day? Did I see you in the garden with the princess? Know your place, boy. Such things are forbidden. Especially for an orphan like you."

I unconsciously cringed as she spat the word orphan as if it were poison. All the maids went quiet as my rag splashed into the wash bucket. Thankfully, at that moment Nana, the head cook, came over.

“Rune,” Nana cooed, “ya can't be doin' that. The lord's a callin' for ya.” Ever since I'd arrived at the castle gates 6 years ago, Nana had been looking after me. So I nodded, folded my rag, and started toward the door.

Julia looked shocked by the interruption. “What do you mean by that, Nana?” she snapped.

“ 'Sactly what I said,” Nana eyed Julia, “an' ya be wise not ta make 'im late.” She then turned and led me out of the kitchen.


“Thanks,” I smiled as Nana led me down the corridor holding a platter of teacups, sugar, and a kettle. Nana only returned the smile in reply. By now, the castle was lit only by the few oil lamps that dotted the corridors. Night brought a cooling breeze through the windows cooling the day's summer heat. Our steps echoed off the walls and the sounds of the night swallowed us up.

“Now on ya need ta go see the lord 'fore comin' ta the kitchens,” Nana sounded a bit solemn and refused to look at me. “I'll keep ya some supper, but ya need ta keep doin' dishes after.” The stern look on her face as she finally turned toward me was like a foreign mask. All I could do was nod and stare. “Good. An' no more forest stories. Such lies'll get ya in trouble some day.” Silence swallowed us as we continue the rest of the way to the king's private study.


Many voices could be heard through the door of the study as Nana knocked. It only took a few minutes before one of the palace guards opened the door for us and led the way into the brightly lit study. Many men were huddled around a small table diligently conversing in harsh tones about a map before them.

“Thanks so much Nana,”one husky voice called from the group. “Just place it on the desk.” Nana nodded and moved quickly to pour the hot tea.

“Anythin' else my Lord?”

“Not right now. You may go.” The voice was strong, but underlaid with lack of sleep. Nana smiled at me and then left the room. As soon as the door shut, the men began lifting their voices again. I had never been in the king's presence before and wasn't sure what to do. All of the men sounded desperate to find an answer to their deliberations, and yet they all were exhausted. So, I did the only thing I knew how; I took the men their tea.

After having listened and watched them for a few moments, I was easily able to tell who was who. “My Lord,” I said calmly as I placed the teacup in front of him, “you may be able to reach a conclusion to your discussion after a short break.” At this, all of the men raised their eyes to stare at me, so I continued in the same tone as before. “Of course, this is just a suggestion from a worried servant boy. However, it seems that you all could use one.” I smiled and continued passing out the tea and addressed each man while doing so. Of the ten men present with the king: three were dukes, two were counts, three were barons, and the last two were generals of the royal army.

As the teacup touched the table in front of one of the generals, he sighed, “The boy is right. We've been at this for almost two days. We need to rest.”

“Three days, General Lot. And I agree, it is time for a break.” The king slid down into his chair and closed his eyes for a moment. At this cue, the others began to either stretch or sit down themselves. The king opened his eyes and stared at me. I smiled and offered some sugar for his tea which he refused. “Who are you?”

“Excuse me, your Highness, my name is Rune. You summoned me?”

“Ah! Yes.” The king looked pale as he tried to straighten up in his seat. “My daughter's new companion. How is Layla? I've been so busy lately that I haven't been able to see my own daughter...” A sad smile crawled along his face as his voice faded.

“Very well, sire. She works hard on her studies to meet your expectations and has a fantastic imagination for her age. Her heart is kind and understanding while her mind is strong and proud.” The king began to truly smile as I complimented the princess. The relief in his eyes showed how much he loved her. “At the moment she's resting soundly in her room. Once my evening chores are complete, I'll return to her side.” The king nodded and sipped his tea. Once he was finished, he reassembled the other men. I gathered their cups and prepared to leave.

The guard at the door stopped me. “You said you're Rune? As in that lad who came here 6 years ago?” I stared at the guard and nodded. The guard's eyes widened. He turned to the men gathered at the table, “General Tap, this lad may know the answer! He was present at the battle of Signa Hill.”

With this, everyone in the room stopped what they were doing. All eyes seemed to have turned on me as if staring me down. “What do you mean?” the king's face showed his confusion. As soon as the king spoke, the guard went rigid from realizing how out of place his outburst had been.

“Your Highness,” the second general, General Lankly, passed his gaze over the guard and me, “at the Battle of Signa Hill we lost a great number of soldiers while being outnumbered three to one. However, due to an unknown event, we managed to win. The only survivor in the area where this event took place was a seven year old boy.” As the general spoke, recognition and understanding filled the eyes of all those in the room. “The boy refused to speak,” General Lankly continued, “so we brought him back to the castle. He was given the name Rune and placed under the service of the head cook.”

It's not bad, pretty easy to follow. The only bit of advice I can offer to you is that, well, bombarding your reader with info right off the bat isn't the best idea ever. I understand that you want your reader to know things about your world, but don't over-load them with info, OK?

The way you've started out is fine, but might I suggest taking a break from the geography lesson and talk about something else? Like lets say, your character's daily life. How does he (She?) interact with the animals he (she?) lives with? and how does he (Or she) get through the Demon Trap Forest without getting trampled? things like that, you know?