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when i'm with you

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B-block

PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2006 9:43 pm


[ Message temporarily off-line ]
PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 4:43 pm


It seems okay, although I think you could make it longer, it's good as it is. I found a couple spelling mistakes:
Line One: I'm, the I should be capitalized.
Line: I think you're missing a to between seems and me.
Line Four: Because, and I.
Line Six: Again.

Other than that, I would just try to make it longer and play with the rhyme scheme a bit.
 

Nesce
Vice Captain

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The Writer's Menagerie

 
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