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 Posted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 11:12 pm
Name: Kazuma Ikezawa
Age at Writing: 69 years and 11 months
Sebject: Fear
As I grow into my twilight years I tend to see the futility of my life. I have spent many years of my life in this paper shop, wasting my time with inventory and books when I could have been out living life to its fullest. I suppose there is nothing that can be done however, this end is an end we must all face...I do not fear it like I did when I was a child, which is not to say I do not fear the end now. Uncertainties can be so frightening to all humans and death is the inevitable uncertainty, the end of our path in life. Will I be reincarnated as some believe or is a blank mind for eternity? I really would not know... i certainly hope I will forget this wretched life... so much to experience still and so little time in which to do it.
Last night I was thinking on the subject of progeny when a young lady entered my storing looking for some parchment on which to have her wedding invitations written. Perhaps I missed out on something great... I spent so much time with my head in books it is strange to think of myself as a family man. I wish I had more time... something to give me the chance to try again, but I suppose that is what all dying old men ask for isn't it? Truly I fear that unknown but I have come to accept fear... it is coming either way and maybe if I don't throw a tantrum my passing will be easier. Wish there was someone who would read this after my death though. With no grandchildren or children it seems unlikely anyway, best to leave no mark on the world. Who would need an old man like me anyway?
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Posted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 11:57 pm
Name: Kazuma Ikezawa
Age at Writing: 70 years 3 months 5 days
Subject: Rebirth
From the mouth of death I am reborn. I do not understand by what hand this happened but, my youth is restored. I stood on the edge of my life and stared into the endless chasm of death that so ironically mirrored my years here in the land of the living and... well I screamed. I screamed and yelled for help as loud as I could. I pleaded to any god that would give a dying paper merchant his ear. I pleaded with the almighty that I might be given another life another chance at life. I agreed that whatever god would grant me life I would devote myself to and I was delivered from death. The merciful god who gave me my wish has kept himself hidden from me so I have no one to pray too. In absence of a higher being to thank for this blessing I will live my life to the fullest. Enjoyment shall be my prayer until the truly kind god who allowed me this life is revealed to me.
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Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 12:05 am
Name: Kazuma Ikezawa
Age at Writing: 70 years 3 months 6 days
Subject: A blessing?
What cursed god heeded my call while I stood on the edge of death?! Yesterday I spent my hours of new life drinking and reveling in happiness I spent all the money I had in this world and drank until I passed out. Once asleep I saw the truth of this new life. I am cursed! I do not sit calmly in the valleys of life I am stuck, glued in place in the land between life and death. I shriek as I sleep the horror of my reality truly hitting me for the first time... This curse is truly nothing and now I have no money and no peace. How can I conduct myself if I am a beggar who cannot sleep without fear or horror? This blessing is cruel. I must find a way to push this reality out of my head. Even now I feel the cold fingers of death wrapped around my soul trying to pull me into the void and I feel the grip of a god's power pulling me back towards life. My soul is stretched thing and I fear that the devil may win.
I cannot return to my store, people know my face. I was a failure in life and I can not return for fear that someone will recognize my shame and I will be killed. I will escape into the mountains under cover of night and find a master of those martial styles. I hear that one must train body, soul, and mind into one being to become a master of those arts. Perhaps such training will help me remove the images from my head... only time will tell.
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