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 Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 10:37 pm
I've been working with the system of counting syllables, and using stanzas and what not... And I was wondering how this one came out.
Forever I will love you,
Forever you will not know.
Forever I will want you,
Forever I cannot show.
The feelings I have hidden,
The worlds eyes may never see.
This love that is forbidden.
Alone I may always be.
Dark secrets lie un awaken.
Dark places hide my feelings.
Dark souls must never awake.
Dark nights are my true being.
Bare and broken beholds truth.
Believe my most mournful myth.
Boundless brings the broken truth.
Behold soundless stolen kiss.
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Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 5:35 am
It's nice. I like the flow, except in a few places it's all great. Good job and keep working at it. Although, there is one thing I encourage all writers to do, and that's to step outside the rules. it's doesn't always have to ryhme, and the syllabuls do NOT always have to go together, and the shape and stanzas of your poem are things you can have a lot of fun with. But other than me rambling on, I liked the poem a lot.
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Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:39 am
PVC It's nice. I like the flow, except in a few places it's all great. Good job and keep working at it. Although, there is one thing I encourage all writers to do, and that's to step outside the rules. it's doesn't always have to ryhme, and the syllabuls do NOT always have to go together, and the shape and stanzas of your poem are things you can have a lot of fun with. But other than me rambling on, I liked the poem a lot.
I also know that I have seven syllables in each line, but that's because of the first stanza, I was trying to make them different but I liked how it sounded. ^^;
As for playing around with how the shape of the stanza's are, I know what you mean my friend explained that to me. xD
Thank you though PVC I'll try to keep it in mind next poem. ^^
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Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 11:43 am
surprised *speechless*
...I like it! It puts into words things I couldn't say aloud...
...Because I've felt like that many times...
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Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:26 pm
Cuori surprised *speechless*
...I like it! It puts into words things I couldn't say aloud...
...Because I've felt like that many times...
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Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 6:19 pm
I enjoy this, especially if it's during stanza/counting practice. It seems like a nice topic to have the basic stanza and count structure, as the thoughts when you're in that kind of mood simply focus for a second... and then moves on. Good work.
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