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please don't take this the wrong way, but from a catholic perspective, i see nothing "almost perfect" or even remotely desirable about the life you have described...and again, don't take that the wrong way, because what i mean to say is, the things you have described really are not sources of joy or happiness...they give temporary (false)peace, and temporary satisfaction, and temporary happiness, but they do not bring true peace, satisfaction, or happiness,

i'm not going to get into this very deeply, since i already spent a long time on that last post, but what i would recommend is, don't bother with the "holiday", and instead read this book - https://www.tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/749

not that vacation time is not a good and profitable thing...but one for that long is very unnecessary, a week or 2 would be fine,
everyone needs a vacation once in a while(with the exception of many of the great saints) but i must say, a vacation overdone is going to have a negative effect...
if you need replenishing, then you need God, because no one can fill you with what you need except Him.

and that feeling in the back of your mind? that's God...believe me, i've felt that, even when i thought i was trying to live a good life, God was telling me that despite what i thought, i most certainly was not on the path to heaven, and after a sincere examination of my life(which was a long process and i won't get into that) i discovered that i wasn't on the right path after all...although i've always been a catholic, but i was a catholic living for myself and not God.

i'll just tell you a little bit about my life, i am single and always have been, i have only a few friends who i rarely see, i have a full time job as a factory worker in a dirty old factory that pays minimum wage, i can't drive so i'm dependent on others in that way, i live with my brother in his doubleblock house next to my sister and her husband, i go to work everyday and come home and work some more, i get a few breaks here and there, but i rarely get a vacation, i have chronic fatigue syndrome, and a few other mild health issues, i rarely have money to spend on myself, and i don't own much...
but despite all this...i do have peace and joy...and i do not desire anything from this world, i almost despise the world for pulling my heart in any way away from God, and honestly, the things i listed about my life, i think nothing of it, i am content as far as my exterior life is concerned, i feel as though i could take it or leave it, and i only hope that i use anything in my path for good and for Gods will,
"the lord giveth, and the lord taketh away" is something i've thought of many times, why should i be troubled at what i gain or lose in this life, when all belongs to God, and i deserve nothing anyways, i should be grateful one way or the other, because God always has my best interest at heart,
i know God loves me because He gives me what i need and does for me what i need...i know the world hates me because it offers me what i want and tempts me to do what will hurt my soul, body, and mind...

but...to get to my point, those things you listed do not really bring peace or joy, they are only temporary satisfactions, and lesser ones at that...so my advice is, read that book i listed, and also read the lives of the saints, and then you will discover where true happiness is found...

you just have to ask yourself, is your life a success in your eyes, everyone elses eyes...or Gods eyes?...if you cannot say yes to the third one, then that is ultimately why you are having that feeling in the back of your mind.

anyways, i have to stop here, so i hope this helps, take care.

That's not really true. And I don't mean that in a defensive "zomg u dun know me!111!!!" sort of way. My summary of the good things in my life was extremely abridged.

Namely, my job. It's not just a job that I like and pays the bills. I'm a violinist (and I can be a pianist if someone needs me to be). I do freelance performance work, I teach violin in a private studio, and I compose. It's not just a pleasant way to pass the time. It's not just a way to pay the rent. To say that music gives me peace and joy would not even begin to touch on the tip of the iceburg. You hear lots of people insist that "music is their life," which is why I avoid using the phrase, but in a very real, literal sense, music really is my life. Not only does it keep food on my table and a roof over my head, but it makes me get out of bed in the morning. It gives me a reason to keep breathing. It's gotten me through the very darkest times in my life. It's the existence of music that has never allowed me to completely turn my back on God, even in times of extreme spiritual crisis. Music has always been very central to my spirituality. I almost see it as a sort of divine language linking man and God.

And it's not just music, either. The love I have in my life is almost as profound to me as my relationship with music. The people who love me and the people whom I love are considerably more than trivial pleasures. I never would have thought that I was capable of giving, or receiving the sort of love that I have in my life now. And I'm not just talking about romantic and/or sexual love. I'm also talking about love between friends, and love between family. Some people might say that being too focused on loving people detracts from loving God, but I rather vehemently disagree. I firmly believe that we can show our love for God by loving our fellow man, and that God shows His love for us through the people that love us.

So, I very much disagree that these things in my life are lesser, temporary satisfactions. I really think the problem is not with my environment or surroundings, but rather something that needs to be set right within myself. And I have several ideas as to what that something might be, but I'm not really sure how to go about resolving them.

Strange though it may seem to many people, especially those who hold more traditional religious beliefs...I'm actually fairly at peace with God. I can't pretend to know all of His plan for me and I'm certainly under no delusions that I'm some sort of perfect servant to God, but...I guess I feel that despite my transgressions, I do have a tendency to eventually pick up on the important things He needs me to know or find out. It's difficult for me to explain my relationship with God to most people, because depending on the audience, I generally come off as sounding like either a crazy person or a blasphemous liberal hippy (sometimes both, depending on the crowd). But I feel at peace with God. I'm sure that He wants me to strive to better myself, but I believe that God is always pushing people to better themselves, and that WE should always strive to better ourselves. I try to keep an open heart and mind to God's will, and I live my life the best way I know how, and I feel that right now, I have a pretty good relationship with God.

I realise that the two of us have very different approaches to...well, most things I'm aware of, honestly. I want you to know that I in fact have a lot of respect for you and how you live your life, and I hope I didn't come off as defensive or dismissive. I understand how much of my life and beliefs must look to you. But I appreciate your advice and insights all the same, and I will certainly look into the reading material your recommended.

Well then, that sounds like a good idea. Being alone forces you to come to terms with yourself, and you wouldn't have any restraints, like you said. It still sounds like a retreat to me! You're really grounded and know exactly what you have to do.

Just one word of warning. Don't underestimate the power of support. When we think we can do something all by ourselves, we set ourselves up for failure. It's not fair to expect so much from ourselves and then feel terrible if we have trouble succeeding. Put yourself in God's hands and ask for His grace.

you're not coming off as defensive, you can say whatever you want really because that's what helps me understand you're situation better,

but i just want to clear one thing up, when i was speaking of temporary satisfaction and joy, i was referring specifically to this world and everything in it as passing things, meaning that whether we lose everything now or when we die, we're gunna lose it, and then what?
yes we obtain joy from the things that please us and make us feel secure, but who gives those things to us? we have nothing really of our own, everything is from God, and so the question i want to ask you is, don't you think God, who created all the things you love, the people you love, the emotions and personality traits you love, every note of the music that moves your heart in ways you can't describe, every joy and every consolation...if those things are so lovable and brings you such joy, then how much greater love and joy will you find in God, who is the source of those things...

what more could we want as long as we have God?
but God is who He is, He is not what we make Him, and i'm sure He wants us to get to know Him more than we want to, just as we desire to be better known by those we love, and to get to know those we love better as well, God wants an even deeper relationship with us, deeper than any other friendship.

i realize your life and mine are very different, but the reason i brought up my life, is just because i wanted to show that, whether your life is successful in the eyes of the world or not, or whether you have all your hearts desires in this world or not, you can still have peace and joy,
although i must admit, i was not always at peace with my life, i use to be depressed and miserable and lonely all the times, but over time i just changed, and i can only thank God for that, because it certainly wasn't my own doing, even if many of the books i read helped, God still led me to those books, and opened my mind to the things He wanted me to know.

and really i don't have a problem with you, we are all sinners after all, am i perfect? no, not at all, i discover new sins in myself all the time, but the key is simply to be open minded with yourself, and to be willing to change, not to be set in your ways...which is something i often have trouble with, it's hard to change, but with God all things are possible, so i never say never.

and about loving people to much? well, i wouldn't say that we could love someone to much, i believe as our love grows, especially our love for God, that our love for others grow as well, because love is really not a feeling, but an act of the will, it is to will good to someone, or to desire to do them good, and it is something we can grow in all our lives, but to grow in love does not mean that our feelings intensify, as i said, love is not a feeling, but instead, growing in love means that you are growing in perfection, and becoming more an image of God, since God is love, and He is perfect, so to grow in love is to grow in perfection, and so that means, when we love more, we love better, more perfectly...and in that way, you can never love to much, because it's not something that becomes overbearing, but it is something that does what is right and good, and in a spirit of moderation and temperance, because what is perfect cannot be out of order, it is regulated and thoughtful,

anyways, i'm getting off subject, but i'm glad you will consider reading that book i listed, and i'm sure that will help you much more than anything i could say, cause Saint John of the cross is amazing, even the Buddhists and Hindus regard his writings very highly...although they misunderstand his work greatly, since they do not see the end he was aiming for in all his writings, which is God, but anyways, that's all, take care.