Butterflies and bunnies tippled and trampolined in her belly, making her feel both giddy and slightly queasy at the same time. Today was the day she was going to tell him. Tell Quin. How she felt. Sohenol help me, she thought, don't let me say anything stupid.

She'd decided on today because she could no longer see any reason to wait. Quin was now a full member of the pack, an acolyte and thus was definitely, positively staying. Up until now she'd mostly been hiding behind the ideal that he might come to her, had been hoping so, but she had also come to realise that the black and white male was incredibly shy.

Her haste had nothing, whatsoever, to do with any overheard comments by younger females about his good looks. Nothing at all.

She'd waited until Kalain had left - the pair always had their heads together and she wasn't going to profess her crush in front of her de-facto brother-in-law, even if he was a kind hearted wolf he always had such a knowing smile on his face which made her feel like a pup again. Besides, it was more romantic this way, just the two of them.

"Quin?" she called to him quietly as she walked into the workspace shared by the acolytes.

Quin was sure he could feel her eyes on him before she even spoke - a queer feeling niggling at his temples. A flutter hit his stomach and was gone, feelings, thoughts, which he had been trying to dismiss as a strong empathic bond with the wolves around him. He always felt a little awkward around the she-wolf since he'd realised she 'liked' him - always shied away a little from her when she came close, when she suggested spending time alone. They had duties to perform which didn't require others, of course, but Sati was as dedicated to those as he himself was and it was only in the moments after, when things were done and they were both left to their own devices that he began to feel distinctly uncomfortable.

"Sati" he smiled a little uneasily, wondering if he was going to try to have to evade another uncomfortable conversation. He hated feeling like this - especially since he thought a lot of the she-wolf. He had her to thank for his life, for his rehabilitation... but her presence and her keenness on him meant he was having to confront a side of himself he had kept under strict reins.
"Everything ok?"

"Y..yes! Everything's fine" she stumbled over her words inelegantly, the tide of feeling pushing those before it too quickly from her lips. "I just wanted to talk to you. Alone." She looked around, just to double-check. Alone. Good.

"It's it's just, well, I'd been thinking..." her body felt tense, her heart was trying to escape her ribs and she sat down to steady wobbly legs. "Quin, I know you're not from here and I'm not sure what you're used to when it comes to wolves uhm... being together but I wanted to tell you that I like you and... and ask if you'd be with me. A mate... or even just try being a companion" she blurted. It wasn't uncommon for young wolves to have several relationships before settling down with a mate - her sister had been somewhat keen on that, in fact - but Sati had never ventured into that territory before.

She imagined Quin as mate and father to her pups, as a kind lover and companion. She didn't really like the idea of 'just a relationship', truth be told, but it'd be something to work on and even if he wasn't as keen on her as she was on him maybe he'd learn to like her more that way?

Her violet eyes, full of hope, longing, fear stared into his blue ones. She didn't dare hope that he'd say yes but, at the same time, she couldn't concieve, truly, of being rejected by him. They'd grown so close, surely he at least liked her enough to give it a try?

Oh gods, she'd gone and said it and his mind was awash with how she must be feeling - especially as their eyes made contact. He knew it'd break her heart, he knew it'd hurt her terribly - especially after she had gone out on a limb to tell him her feelings but he just could not conceive of saying yes. She was a lovely female, beautiful, kind, spiritual and had a childlike purity to her at times which was refreshing but he'd never felt an inkling of physical attraction to her. He knew that wasn't the be-all and end-all of things and that Kalain and Mu'sha had a fairly platonic relationship despite having children together, but he was sure that lust at least played some small part in their partnership and that Kalain didn't feel... uncomfortable with the idea of being with a female.

He could say yes, he supposed, but that could only cause more hurt in the long term. There was no way to soften the blow, no way to be kind in this. "I'm sorry Sati I... I think a lot of you, but I just I don't feel that way, I can't..." he trailed off, feeling miserable as he saw the disappointment creep into her eyes, the traces of tears as they were downcast, trying not to show the pain therein.

"It... it's not you I just I..." he balked. He couldn't tell her why. He couldn't! He had no idea of what the Aves felt about... his kind. He'd known it mentioned in other places, other packs. He could vaguely remember that his birth pack had a dislike for such as him - though he'd been too young to really understand at the time. He didn't want to ruin what he had here, and yet he also didn't want her to feel it was 'her fault' - he could feel that sense of failure, of not being good enough in his mind as thought it were his own feelings. He shook his head to clear the sensation.

No? It... it really wasn't going to happen? Her body felt suddenly as though she had been dunked into a cold pool and tears welled in her eyes, hot, stinging. She didn't want to let them loose but they came anyway, fat drops running down her muzzle and splattering off her nose onto the dusty stone floor. She tried not to look up, tried not to let her pain upset him - it wasn't his fault he didn't like her. She must have been stupid to think he did, to think she had a chance. She'd never liked someone like that before - she'd had some mild crushes, yes, but nothing so intense as this. She had been working with and around Quin for months, had grown close to him, felt intimate... to be rejected made it all feel as though their closeness was a lie, a fantasy. Had she really been so naïve as to think he liked her when there was nothing there? Did he just tolerate her?

"S..sorry" the usually cheerful wolf whispered, her form hunched over, curled up protectively against the world.

"Oh Sati, please..." he whimpered "don't cry, please. I care for you but it is more like a sister. You mean a lot to me, you have helped me so much... I it's just" he looked at her, felt her pain, felt her anguish. She'd not judge him harshly, he knew instinctively, and it might help her to understand why he couldn't... why they couldn't 'be'. "It's just that I'm not, well, I don't find females" he looked to the side, then back, trying to meet her eyes as she had moments before when she had been strong enough to relate her feelings to him openly "I don't find females attractive. It's nothing to do with you, it is me. I am... wrong in that way" he wasn't quite sure what the correct word for that would be. His vocabulary had grown every day he had been with the Aves but he still found himself, at times, stumbling over conceptually difficult words.

"I think you are lovely, kind, beautiful but I do not feel... that way. About.. females". Would she understand? Would it make her feel better?

"You.. you don't...?" she blinked, her tears almost clearing as her mind raced to catch up with the new information. How could she have never noticed? He'd never mentioned it, she was sure, never shown interest in any of the pack males, never... just... never! The idea in itself was not a problem for that - she'd known plenty of same-sex couples who were both lovers and not. Amongst the Aves two parents were always deemed necessary to bring up a pup but they didn't have to be the biological parents. Relatives were most common, but partners who weren't the biological parents weren't unknown. It was something she knew Kalain had been teased about, had been assumed to be, but it was not especially taboo amongst adult wolves.

Still. It didn't seem... him. Was he lying to make her feel better or had she truly been blind. She couldn't think of him being attracted to males, certainly, but neither had she ever seen him look at any females in 'that' way. Perhaps... perhaps they could have pups together, as Mu'sha and Kalain had, form a bond, be close without necessarily being intimate always? But, no, that was only her own dreams and her own clinging hope lingering on.

She did feel oddly comforted that it wasn't 'just her' that he didn't like but she couldn't pretend that it didn't still hurt. "I... I better go then" was all she could think to say. She needed time to think, time to compose herself. Getting to her feet, she raced out before he could reply.


Although the black and white male imagined he could almost feel her roiling emotions, could see them on her face, her words made his stomach drop with a lurch. She '...understood' but had gone, fled from him. Was it that she felt rejected or repulsed? He let out a tiny, soft whine and moved to the entrance to Kalain's den, looking out across the lush, grassy meadow and watching the tall stalks sway as Sati made her way back to the main den.

Would she tell anyone? He didn't think so but... gods, he'd been feeling so comfortable here. Perhaps it was stupid of him to have admitted it to her. Perhaps his rejection would make her lash out at him... But, no. This was Sati. She was kind, she was caring. She wouldn't be unkind to him, even if he had broken her heart. Would she? Should he go after her? Did she hate him now that she knew he had no interest in... 'that way' or perhaps because he was 'that way'?

Quin began to worry in a way he had not for a long time.

God I suck at writing doramaz =/