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 Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:43 am
LinkAnyway I can improve this? All feedback much appreciated ^_^
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:26 pm
Please read the rules and guidelines for story posting and repost. Else I'll be forced to remove your thread.
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:50 pm
oOGarrettOo Please read the rules and guidelines for story posting and repost. Else I'll be forced to remove your thread. I apologise sincerely, I really didn't want to make a bad first impression Dx A link to the writing is acceptable, is it not?
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:54 pm
Xiac oOGarrettOo Please read the rules and guidelines for story posting and repost. Else I'll be forced to remove your thread. I apologise sincerely, I really didn't want to make a bad first impression Dx A link to the writing is acceptable, is it not? A link is fine. Just be sure to follow the rules. Also, and this has nothing to do with the rules, but we could use more people who read other peoples' work 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:01 pm
oOGarrettOo Xiac oOGarrettOo Please read the rules and guidelines for story posting and repost. Else I'll be forced to remove your thread. I apologise sincerely, I really didn't want to make a bad first impression Dx A link to the writing is acceptable, is it not? A link is fine. Just be sure to follow the rules. Also, and this has nothing to do with the rules, but we could use more people who read other peoples' work 3nodding If I have the time, I shall do! I do enjoy to read =P If a link is fine, I think I've sorted it all out xP Thanks for putting me straight, and I apologise for the hassle created by not taking a look at the rules Dx
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:24 pm
Xiac If a link is fine, I think I've sorted it all out xP Thanks for putting me straight, and I apologise for the hassle created by not taking a look at the rules Dx Always read the rules wink Xiac Anyway I can improve this? All feedback much appreciated ^_^ Okay, so, the idea/concept is pretty good. I tend to like things that deal with darkness being a tangible thing or that hides tangible things that can consume (I'm working on one myself). Work on utilizing a larger variety of words. Thesauruses are a writer's best friend. The problem with using the same word over and over is that sometimes the brain can start to focus on that "sound" and sometimes it will actually break up the sentences and cause some mental stumbling. In some cases it can also make the story rather boring to read, regardless of how unique and interesting the plot is. Using a larger variety of words also helps with the flow and the overall attraction. It keeps the reader interested. I'm not talking about using massive, unfamiliar words all over the place, just a variety of them so that, again, it's not the same thing every other word smile Also, pay attention to your usage. I don't want to call it grammar, necessarily, but there are some places where the wording is awkward or incorrect, and again causes some stumbling. So, great story, great idea. Really all you need to work on is smoothing and polishing. Don't be afraid of using different words or experimenting with a structure you've never used before. smile
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 2:04 pm
oOGarrettOo Xiac If a link is fine, I think I've sorted it all out xP Thanks for putting me straight, and I apologise for the hassle created by not taking a look at the rules Dx Always read the rules wink Xiac Anyway I can improve this? All feedback much appreciated ^_^ Okay, so, the idea/concept is pretty good. I tend to like things that deal with darkness being a tangible thing or that hides tangible things that can consume (I'm working on one myself). Work on utilizing a larger variety of words. Thesauruses are a writer's best friend. The problem with using the same word over and over is that sometimes the brain can start to focus on that "sound" and sometimes it will actually break up the sentences and cause some mental stumbling. In some cases it can also make the story rather boring to read, regardless of how unique and interesting the plot is. Using a larger variety of words also helps with the flow and the overall attraction. It keeps the reader interested. I'm not talking about using massive, unfamiliar words all over the place, just a variety of them so that, again, it's not the same thing every other word smile Also, pay attention to your usage. I don't want to call it grammar, necessarily, but there are some places where the wording is awkward or incorrect, and again causes some stumbling. So, great story, great idea. Really all you need to work on is smoothing and polishing. Don't be afraid of using different words or experimenting with a structure you've never used before. smile Yes! Some actual feedback! biggrin Much appreciated, I understand that I use the words "beat" too much, and I can understand where my writing starts getting... meh xP I really appreciate this, thank you ^_^
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 2:01 am
I really loved the sense of alarm that this story envoked. The use of similes and metaphors were excellent, the one "I would be drawn into it jaws of eternal nightmares." made a particular affect on me. Id have to agree with Garrett in that the particular word "beat" was just a tad overused, but otherwise the writing was very good.
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:04 pm
X-tailerr-X I really loved the sense of alarm that this story envoked. The use of similes and metaphors were excellent, the one "I would be drawn into it jaws of eternal nightmares." made a particular affect on me. Id have to agree with Garrett in that the particular word "beat" was just a tad overused, but otherwise the writing was very good. Thank you ^_^ Yeah, I got a little... stuck, I think ._. xD Glad you liked it ^_^
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