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 Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 8:44 am
Here is the book that coincides with Halo Wars on the flip side as the title says.
Halo Wars:The fl1p side
Ch 1. The clones, the droids, the weapons
*shrkk* "Cross com activated. Enemy sighted approx 18 clicks away" Hello, my name is Josh, but you can call me Spartan-216. See it all started with this mission to rescue the world from destruction on a planet called Halo. My best friend Spartan-117 aka John saved us from destruction the first time. The covenant were trying to turn the Halo on. Spartan-117 also took out the second halo the covenant tried to activate. He teamed up with the eiltes and hunters to do this. Now Spartan-117 has taken out the third Halo. Our galaxy is safe. Now it is our duty to go to different galaxies and planets and protect them now Earth and its fellows are safe. It just so happened we picked a desolate planet called Endor.
"Enemy sighted give me the sniper rifle. BAM headshot! What now?" That was me again always loving my sniper. We had to kill these so droids so that was exacatly what I did. Keep in mind I like to hold a Battle Rifle with a Sniper as back-up. The rebels helped us with their new weapons. Guns are good too but blasters would help us. I saw one of the Replubic clone troopers called Shadow-313. He looked different from the others. He was put in my group with three other clones called. I watched his stance and compared it with the other clone seeing it was very different. Clones had a set stance while Shadow would do his own unique things to dodge the blasters. Shadow also took a bullet for his friend clone which was very heroic. I wanted this guy on my team. He was built to kill. But somewhere in my mind it told me this man would watch my back for a long time to come.
They assigned us into two squads. I would be in Shadow-313's squad with his 3 other clones, Runner-45, Boom-56, and Slicy-29. Ships were coming in to land Lots of ships that carried over 200 troops. We took control of auto-turrets and rocket launchers and grenades to take out the ships guns first. We needed to fight this battle in space and take as much out as possible first.
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Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 8:59 am
Ch 2. Space Fleet
After we all swapped weapons we got ready to go into space.
__________________________________________________
Being edited
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 7:22 pm
Nice, and for those who do not know, mystic is my cousin and I do allow him to use my storyline idea. Except this is like a v2 or what else could've happened.
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Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 4:11 pm
Hokay. o: Constructive criticism for you. Lots of it. 'w'
It's not the best writing I've seen. But a significant amount of this is going to be stylistic criticism, which I guess you can ignore if you want to. >> << ><
My boyfriend is an uber Star Wars fanboy, but I know nothing about Halo, so - be prepared for utterly clueless comments.
1. *shrkk* - It's not a comic. I would suggest describing the sound instead - "The came to life with a burst of static and muffled voices." Or if you want to keep the sound, put it in italics. It looks crude between asterisks.
2. Approx. - That's a shortened form for 'approximately' - noone uses it in the spoken language. Or while writing a story, for that matter. It's purely technical.
3. "Hello, my name is Josh." - Who in the world is he talking to? This suddenly makes the story look very unrealistic and detached. It seems more like a recounting of events instead of actual action. Of course, a novel can be written in this manner - but somehow I don't think the journal feel is what you're going for. Not to mention, it's very abrupt. I would suggest a bit of description of the setting first, before plunging into character introductions.
4. "save the world from destruction on a planet called Halo" - By 'world' I assume you're referring to the planet. So this piece is a bit repetitive. And I have no clue as to why this planet is in danger. "The covenant were trying to turn the Halo on" means absolutely nothing to me, and thus I am utterly confused. xD
5. I'd have preferred if that paragraph was entirely in past tense, as a bit of an introduction to the life your characters are leading. It could also use a ton more detail. I mean it - that could have been a good five paragraphs, to thoroughly explain the world, characters, setting, whatever. Since you're writing a crossover, you can't get away by assuming your readers will know everything. Like me, there might be some who know about SW, but not about Halo. And then there might be some who only know the other.
Well, that was paragraph 1. xD Tell me if you want me to continue.
St
ere
o.
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Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 5:52 pm
Stereochrome Hokay. o: Constructive criticism for you. Lots of it. 'w'
It's not the best writing I've seen. But a significant amount of this is going to be stylistic criticism, which I guess you can ignore if you want to. >> << ><
My boyfriend is an uber Star Wars fanboy, but I know nothing about Halo, so - be prepared for utterly clueless comments.
1. *shrkk* - It's not a comic. I would suggest describing the sound instead - "The came to life with a burst of static and muffled voices." Or if you want to keep the sound, put it in italics. It looks crude between asterisks.
2. Approx. - That's a shortened form for 'approximately' - noone uses it in the spoken language. Or while writing a story, for that matter. It's purely technical.
3. "Hello, my name is Josh." - Who in the world is he talking to? This suddenly makes the story look very unrealistic and detached. It seems more like a recounting of events instead of actual action. Of course, a novel can be written in this manner - but somehow I don't think the journal feel is what you're going for. Not to mention, it's very abrupt. I would suggest a bit of description of the setting first, before plunging into character introductions.
4. "save the world from destruction on a planet called Halo" - By 'world' I assume you're referring to the planet. So this piece is a bit repetitive. And I have no clue as to why this planet is in danger. "The covenant were trying to turn the Halo on" means absolutely nothing to me, and thus I am utterly confused. xD
5. I'd have preferred if that paragraph was entirely in past tense, as a bit of an introduction to the life your characters are leading. It could also use a ton more detail. I mean it - that could have been a good five paragraphs, to thoroughly explain the world, characters, setting, whatever. Since you're writing a crossover, you can't get away by assuming your readers will know everything. Like me, there might be some who know about SW, but not about Halo. And then there might be some who only know the other.
Well, that was paragraph 1. xD Tell me if you want me to continue.
St
ere
o. I compltely agree lol. But this is an introductory chapter... right? Also can you criticize my story I love critisism it's mean but fun ^_^
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