|
|
|
|
|
|
|
His Majesty Satan Captain
|
 Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 8:19 pm
Mommy I can see my dad,
Shouting at you like he's mad.
Slapping you with his giant hand.
Mommy I can see my dad.
Mommy I can hear you scream.
Quiet from daddy's choking.
I wish that I could be king.
So you wouldn't need to scream.
Mommy I can feel your tears,
Dripping on my head, so clear.
Always you've been so sincere.
Please wipe away those unhappy tears.
Mommy I can smell the blood.
Dripping from your still head.
And as daddy put me to bed.
His hands were warm with your head's blood.
Mommy I can taste metal.
The barrel of daddy's pistol.
I know you wanted dad to go.
Why is their blood on my bedroom wall?
Mommy I can hear your voice.
Telling me to scream, but I had no choice.
Just let daddy do his will.
He pulls the trigger, point blank kill.
The next time we see each other's face,
We'll be in Heaven, a better place.
A place without human anger and war.
Daddy won't cause massacre.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 4:13 pm
This is really good necr0! I could easily picture the poem all the way to the end! The ending was lovely as well! Can't wait for more!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
His Majesty Satan Captain
|
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 4:35 pm
AZookiex3 This is really good necr0! I could easily picture the poem all the way to the end! The ending was lovely as well! Can't wait for more! Thank you very much! You may have heard that writers write about what they know best, and I know nothing at all about domestic murder, until I read an article. I decided to write the poem from the point of view of the couple's child. People have asked me if I needed help. Nope! lol biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 4:40 pm
this poem is very deep, but very good. i can see the picture of the poem as well. i really love it Nerco.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
His Majesty Satan Captain
|
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 4:44 pm
Thank you both very much. Haven't got much feedback on this besides that I sound like a poetic Stephen King... Given his fame that's probably a compliment.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:36 pm
Wow, I could easily picture that. I was way to young to remember my families domestic abuse but with that discription . . . the images were vivid and short lived. I love the slight dementia note added to it. Poor kid though.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 3:54 pm
You make great horror poems EA! This one reminds me of the movie, The Shining directed by Stanley Kubrick. Have you watched it? It's a horror movie CLASSIC!
Also, if you don't mind, can you check out my story in this section of the forums and tell me what you think of it? It's titled "-When Nights Heat-". I warn you; it's disturbing, but a good disturbing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 4:03 pm
Kapitan Kailua You make great horror poems EA! This one reminds me of the movie, The Shining directed by Stanley Kubrick. Have you watched it? It's a horror movie CLASSIC!
Also, if you don't mind, can you check out my story in this section of the forums and tell me what you think of it? It's titled "-When Nights Heat-". I warn you; it's disturbing, but a good disturbing. Why thank you, and yes, I am VERY familiar with The Shining. Jack Nicholson still freaks me out O.O I'll try to check out your story sometime. I've been quite busy lately, so it might be awhile.
|
|
|
|
|
|
His Majesty Satan Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 4:04 pm
Fantastic job, Astrauld! The imagery is very clear and I can just picture all of it happening right in front of me. Very good. c:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 4:15 pm
Elder Astrauld Kapitan Kailua You make great horror poems EA! This one reminds me of the movie, The Shining directed by Stanley Kubrick. Have you watched it? It's a horror movie CLASSIC!
Also, if you don't mind, can you check out my story in this section of the forums and tell me what you think of it? It's titled "-When Nights Heat-". I warn you; it's disturbing, but a good disturbing. Why thank you, and yes, I am VERY familiar with The Shining. Jack Nicholson still freaks me out O.O I'll try to check out your story sometime. I've been quite busy lately, so it might be awhile. Ha, Yeah. Jack Nicholson (rest his soul) always had that "Maniac" role in movies.
Dude, thank you so much. I know what you mean by being busy and all, the world's hectic.
I really appreciate it Cpt., I've been wanting some feedback. It's rewarding to me to know that my work is being read. A really nice feeling.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
His Majesty Satan Captain
|
Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 4:20 pm
Sagittariis Munashii Fantastic job, Astrauld! The imagery is very clear and I can just picture all of it happening right in front of me. Very good. c: Thank you very much. Didn't think I'd get so much positive comments haha :3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 5:47 pm
I Really Liked The Ending.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 6:38 pm
Wow that was really good. I got goosebumps by reading it but it was amazing!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 2:23 am
It makes me wanna cry. If I could grade you from 1 to 10, you would be infinity 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 5:47 pm
Wow this is truly amazing. I love how horrible the actions of the father the boy still remains so innocent and pure. T^T Gosh this poem made me cry. Such a bittersweet end. Bravo, and well done.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
