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 Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2005 7:31 pm
"Remembering Daddy"
There was a man-
i had to love him-
who had to love me back.
he had no choice,
and i had no voice
that would not crack
whenever i spoke.
he'd say only things-
i'd smile and kiss goodnight.
i wanted wings.
he held my strings-
this has yet to be set right.
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Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2005 12:22 pm
I think it's pretty good. It strikes me like it ends in the middle though. You should add another verse or two. Adding some more details might be good too. You might have been being vague on perpose, but if you weren't, you might want to make a few changes. I think it's a good start. Keep it up biggrin
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Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 5:09 pm
I think this poem is really good. The only thing I think you should maybe fix is the rhythm. But, I still think it's a great poem with lots of potential! Great work!!!
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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 5:30 am
It is overall a pretty good poem. But remember, poetry does not mean forget all grammar it just means let the grammar flow. The lack of capitolization on words such as 'I' kind of throws me off.
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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:33 am
It is good, but it sounds unfinished, like you stopped in the middle of your thought
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