Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ever hear the phrase "Dark Night of the Soul?" Sounds like what you're having. Also sexual orientation and faith are kind of a touchy subject. Truly, at the risk of sounding too optimistic it may be bringing you closer to God (quite frankly, the journey of His wisdom is often fraught with hardship and sometimes even despair.)

Bare in mind that being gay doesn't make you any less human. God still loves gays too.

You likely know about how the Church aims (or should aim) to accept people from all walks of life. Sure, it asserts that certain people are called to certain things, but when people take that too far and say "That's not Catholic and you're going to Hell" then they're demonstrating that they don't know what the hell they're talking about. Being gay or bisexual is no mark against your morality, it just means that your body is wired differently.

My advice is reflect on the teachings of the church in the most charitable light that you can, and at the same time, ignore/be patient with the haters. Your mom sounds like a bit of a bigot (I don't mean anything by that, it just looks that way to me) but she's still your mom and you have to keep trying, even if it seems like a lost cause.

I don't know if this helps or not; I apologize if it didn't.

I see some parallels between your story and my own.

I, too, have spent many, many years trying to reconcile my faith with my sexuality (as well as some other not-so-Christian lifestyle choices* I've made in my life, some of which I'm not proud of, others of which I'll stand behind to the bitter end), and I've encountered difficulties with my family, most specifically my mother, because of my sexual orientation and differing spiritual, political, professional, and moral views.

I think the first question you should ask yourself is how important having a continued relationship with your mother really is to you. I remember a time when I couldn't possibly imagine how or why anyone would be willing to just completely turn their back on their family, but I've since come to realise some people really are better off that way. My partner's father was a pretty terrible person, and my partner left home when he was 16 and never looked back. His father died several years ago, they never reconciled, and my partner has no regrets. He decided long ago that his father was just not a person he wanted in his life, and given what little I know about the man, I think that was probably the right choice.

I, on the other hand, had a good relationship with both my parents growing up, and the fact that I never reconciled with my father before he died is the single greatest regret of my life, so for me, it was very important to try to repair my relationship with my mother. It hasn't been easy, and our relationship is still strained sometimes, but having her in my life is important to me, so for me, it's worth my time and effort, even if we drive each other crazy sometimes.

If you do want a continued relationship with your mother, you're both going to have to find ways to compromise, and find a way to have some degree of mutual respect, even if you can't always agree. You'll probably have to do some things that might make you a little uncomfortable (for example, appeasing her by celebrating Christmas with your family and going to Mass with them), and ideally, she'll also be willing to reach some middle ground with you (for example, accepting you for who you are even if your sexual orientation might make her uncomfortable, being willing to meet any significant others you have or may have in the future, etc.).

If you haven't already, I recommend sitting down with her and explaining that even if she doesn't fully agree with it, you've finally found a spiritual path that makes you feel happiness and fulfillment. Explain to her how her past behaviour has made you feel. If, for whatever reason, this is a conversation that you can't or don't want to do face-to-face, write her a letter.

Recognise that mending a damaged child/parent relationship isn't going to happen over night. It's going to take time, it won't be easy, and at times it will probably be downright painful, but if the two of you love one another, hopefully in time you'll both find a way to accept each other's differences, hang up the boxing gloves, and ultimately have a mutually respectful and loving relationship.









Not implying here that sexuality is a lifestyle choice; it's not.

It could very well be that once you put some space between the two of you, things will work themselves out. I know that speaking for myself, there is no way in hell that I could have a halfway decent relationship with my mother if I was still living with her. It's a lot easier to "agree to disagree" and remain peaceful with someone when your contact with them is limited to a few phonecalls/emails a week, and the occational visit in person when both can just bite their tongues and be on their best behaviour for a few days out of the year. stressed

My mother and my partner hate each other, and they probably always will. I've come to accept that that's a battle I'll never win. This has by far been the most peaceful Christmas in many, many years because my partner elected to not come with me to visit my family this year.

Ultimately, you need to look out for your own well-being. If attending Mass with your family has that much of a negative effect on you, then I think it's well within your rights to avoid it.

For the time being, I guess the best thing to do is to just keep doing what you're doing. When you leave home, give things a chance and see if some separation makes maintaining a civil relationship easier. If it doesn't...well, then you have a difficult decision to make. You'll have to decide if it's more painful to sever ties completely, or to continue staying in touch.

Thanks, but I have an issue with maintaining the notion that homosexual attraction means I must live a life of chastity. I believe that I can have a monogamous, loving relationship and still be seen as following God's love. And I would want to be able to marry my partner and feel fulfilled in that, even if the Church does not recognize my commitment.

I am leery about this because such notions are how a lot of "conversion therapy for the sake of your soul" groups started off. Great concept of sharing what it means to be religious and gay and what do about it. Then desiring to be chaste because of XYZ in readings, spirit of the law, ect and how to fight same-sex attraction. Then evolving into groups like Exodus which uses bullshit psychology to further its concepts and while reversing it's stance of "curing homosexuality", it goes into great efforts to try and stamp it out of individuals. Some have killed themselves because they felt so incredibly guilty due to the psychology behind it.

As someone who used to be a cutter and abused painkillers in the past, and with how strongly conflicted I am, I am worried that meeting up with a group like that will become a lethal combination.