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Why write quality works of literature when you can write bull crap?

MaDMiDgEt's Theater of Nonsense Presents:
The Swollen Eye

In the city of Memphis, TN there was an ordinary man named Fred. Like other ordinary men his age, he was fresh out of high school, single, working a dead end job trying to get by. He woke up in the early in the morning, went to work for 8 hours, went home, crashed on the couch and watched TV before falling asleep late at night. He was, what people with personal motivation and ambition would call, a bum without a future.

It is true that he was a bum with no future, but Fred had dreams. He had very big dreams, he did. And every night, he swore, he would work on those dreams...tomorrow.

One day, Fred's right eye began to slightly swell. It did not affect his vision, although it did hurt. It felt like a very small lump just below his tear duct. Fred's mom assured him that it would go away in a couple days, so Fred ignored the problem.

The next day, Fred woke up and discovered something amazing: the swelling had developed super powers in his right eye, and given him the gift of lazer eye sight! His dream had come true! It was a wonderous day for Fred, and he knew exactly how to put his new powers to work.

Within a day or two, Fred had enslaved all of Memphis. There was nothing anyone could do because Fred's powers were too great. He forced the people to build for him a monument, that the people may always remember the torment they had to endure under him.

The people toiled for many months, but they finally completed the mighty monument. It was perfect. Not a detail was forgotten, and it struck fear amongst the citizens, who could see it from any point in Memphis. Fred agreed, the monument was quite impressive. He congratulated the people for all their hard work. Then he destroyed the monument, and laughed at all the people who worked for so long to build it.

But ruling Memphis wasn't what Fred longed for. No, this was just for fun. Next, he had the people build for him a mighty pirate ship, for being a pirate was truly Fred's dream.

The people works many more months to build for Fred his pirate ship. It was a mighty ship, and Fred gave it his approval by not eliminating the people of Memphis. He then sailed off with his crew of ruffians and said down the Mississippi River towards the Gulf of Mexico.

All along the coast of the Mississippi, the Dread Pirate Fred spread carnage and destruction. There was no mercy for these people from Fred, as he scorched the shores with his lazer eye sight as the ship sailed down. Finally, they reached New Orleans, which Fred finally sank for good. He had always hated New Orleans.

Fred and his crew of barbaric pirates sailed all over the Gulf of Mexico, looting and pillaging. The U.N. declared them a threat the entire world, but the U.N. lacks the balls to do anything about anything anyways, so there was really no one who could stand up to the Dreaded Pirates of Pensacola Bay. Fred ruled the seas with his mighty lazer eye.

It was a good life for Fred. He finally had all he had dreamed of: a pirate ship, wealth, power, women, and rum. It seemed that it couldn't possibly get better for Fred.

Until one tragic day, he lost control of his lazer eye sight and destroyed his pirate ship, and everyone on board died.

Suddenly, Frank woke up and realized it had all been a dream. He really hadn't developed lazer eye sight, he wasn't a pirate, and he hadn't died.

Relieved, Frank fell back into pillow and laughed. He turned on his bedside lamp and rubbed his eyes. But something was wrong. Frank rubbed his right eye and realized something terrifying:

His eye had swollen completely shut over night.

THE END

Yeah, it was originally written as a journal entry on my myspac and xanga. I thought I'd try to translate it into a narrative story, late at night, and it probably didn't work as well as I hoped. I also wrote the journal entry a couple weeks before trying to translate it into a narrative story, so it may have just been so long the idea was no longer fresh in my mind, and I was trying to stretch to make the idea work.

Probably doesn't help that its been....about a year since I last wrote a story sweatdrop

The journal entry turned out a lot better.

But thank you very much for the honest feedback.

...Actually, since you mention it...When I was originally trying to figure out how to tell this story, I thought it would be funny if it was an elementary school child reading to his class the usually assigned "my summer vacation" report to his class. He would go up and begin telling his class how he developed super powers over the summer and enslaved a city and all the stuff mentioned in this story, including dieing, and then arguing with his teacher that it was in fact all true.

I then settled for the fairy-tell story telling. Guess it didn't work well sweatdrop