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Elleraly21

PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:45 pm


I've wanted to post a story for some time and it might take some time to complete. And I am sort of a first time writer so wish me luck......the story's main character looks basically like my avatar so think of my avatar when reading. lol uhh i actually have to write it so it might take some time to post it Xb
PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 7:45 am


Well best of luck to you!

Dylan Rey


Elleraly21

PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 6:27 pm


* It’s a cold rainy night of no particular date...the city dark and wet with few who dare enter the gray streets after nightfall...of those few, we meet a particular person named Darmos…a hybrid of neko and dragon…and now, his story is about to begin.........*

Darmos slowly steps into a bar, his dark red eyes giving off a dim glow in the dark, dirty bar. Glancing around, he spots a few punks playing pool in the middle of the bar. He walks around nonchalantly seeing drunks everywhere he turns. At the very back of the bar he notices tables of people and a female singer on the stage. Darmos slowly sits down at a stool in front of the bartender who stares oddly for a moment and asks the same thing he asks every drunk who enters his bar.
“What'da have?” he asks.
“I'll have a large glass of whiskey.” Darmos responds slowly and calmly handing the bartender some money for the drink. The drink gets passed over to him spilling a few drops here and there after being filled. He takes some small sips out of it and looks over at the female singer for a moment. He looks at her features. She was blonde and skinny, with an average sized chest. He looked down and noticed a metal cuff attached to her leg.
“Who’s the singer?” he asks.
“She was won in a bet, from the owner of this place,” replies the bartender.
“I would help but I need this dam job.”
“Hmmm, I understand…” says Darmos looking at the cuff around the girl’s leg once more before standing up. He walks closer to the stage and bumps into a punk from the pool table who looks at him.
“What the hell are you?” questions the punk as he looks at Darmos's tail and ears.
“It doesn't matter to you punk,” replies Darmos, a small hint of anger rising up inside him. The punk reacts in a fit of anger as his fist comes flying at Darmos's face caught by his hand.
“Don't you mess with me or I’ll kick your a**,” says Darmos leading to more people surrounding him. He quickly punches the punk’s face sending him flying to the ground as a chair hits him in the back breaking it on contact. Darmos stands still momentarily, and then turns around growing out his claws, pouncing on the man while angrily tearing his face to shreds. A volley of punches is thrown at him but also swiftly dodged as Darmos proceeds to punch and claw his way through the group of attackers. Eventually, all his attackers are either severely injured, or dead on the ground. He then looks around the bar as a door opens and a huge man wearing a black suit steps in.
“What the hell are you doing killing my customers??” he questioned, with a hint of fury in his voice. “They pay good money to get drunk every day,” continues the man.
“I finally found you, and I know you know who I am you b*****d!' exclaimed Darmos angrily.
“Hahaha long time no see Darmos, I see you still have those scars…” the edge of his mouth curving up in a satisfying smirk.
”Shut up! You and your brothers did this to me!' Darmos yelled.
“They were your brothers once too you know...” the huge man states, almost in concern.
“That was a long time ago! And now you die...'
Darmos quickly lashes out but the man uses his massive hands to effortlessly block his attack.
“You should know by now that regular attacks won’t work on me,” he says as he throws Darmos at a table.
“Fine I’ll just blow your freakin’ head off!”
Darmos opens his mouth as a massive fireball spews out and hits the man dead on. The man looks down seeing a few burn marks. He stays standing momentarily, and then falls to his knees.
“Heh you’re better than I am. Though, you know there's still 7 others, waiting to kill you at any moment...” The man says, looking up at Darmos.
“I plan on killing them all, and that means you too,” Darmos asserts as he quickly swipes at the man whose head falls off shortly after.
“That's one down, the rest to go...” he says as he cracks his knuckles and walks up to the female singer while she looks, fearful of what might be next...

~To be continued~



Well there's part one enjoy in about a week or so ill make part two.  
PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 6:36 pm


GrandMasterLE


Okay, this may just be your writing style of putting things, or you may do this to orient yourself and the readers within the story, but when describing a setting (which is the very first thing you did<3) I would suggest turning that into detailed (or not so detailed) paragraph(s) as well, so that the readers may get a better feel for it instead of just being told straight to their face.

Also, in writing you start a new line every time there is new dialogue or a new character speaks.

Don't forget to capitalize I! It is a proper noun too, the poor guy doesn't like to be left out!

Anyways, the story seems to be interesting. I can't wait to see more!


Munashii the Unseen
Crew

Informer


Elleraly21

PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 6:40 pm


Thank you for the advice i really do appreciate it ^w^ As i've said i'm new at this so i'm not perfect I will eventually get better and better I thank you for your comment .
PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 6:44 pm


GrandMasterLE
Thank you for the advice i really do appreciate it ^w^ As i've said i'm new at this so i'm not perfect I will eventually get better and better I thank you for your comment .


That's okay, that's what the guild is for; improvement! <3

Munashii the Unseen
Crew

Informer


Elleraly21

PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 9:08 pm


With a little help and advice from a friend i made it somewhat different and idk if it might be better or not lol if so just tell me XD
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