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 Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 5:58 am
Soooo...in high school I changed best friends a lot. It was high school. It happened. But for a very long time I kept 2, Jennifer P. and Terra P. (No relation.) Now, Terra and I lost touch after I met H...she actually introduced us but that's not important to the story.
Cut to several years later (circa 1997 ish) and she gets back in touch. She's got a new boyfriend, he's got a kid, she wants us all to get together for dinner. So we do. The boyfriend spends the entire time glued to a computer and television combo and doesn't speak a word to us all night beyond "hey" when we're all introduced. Meanwhile T is working her butt off. I found that pretty rude, instantly disliked the guy even though he seemed to make her happy and none of us speaks (out of busy, not out of hostility) for another couple of years.
Then she up and calls me out of the blue, hey let's do Applebee's, Danny promises to be social--he's shy, see?--and we'll have (his son) with us. Yeah, ok fine...still had a lot of love for T even though she's pulled some crap peripheral to me that I don't much care for even today.
Like I had an abusive boyfriend in high school that she turned around and slept with...you know, after nursing me through the angst and the injuries for two years...now by then we were long broken up but I took great offense to the words spoken "well...he was nice to me". Meanwhile he and I had talked after that, apologies and whatnot and he tells me "Yeah, well, I just wanted to see what it was like to sleep with a fat chick." Oh yeah, real winner that one. But he kind of spiraled over the course of our relationship and plummeted once we broke up. Not really important.
There was a really close friend of mine whom I introduced to her thinking YEAY moar friends!! Bigger groups!! Fun timez!! He instantly falls in love with her, she messes around w/him at a party (her then-boyfriend was upstairs, they were in the basement) and then pulls the "but we're just friends, right???" knowing that the last like 4 girls he'd completely flipped for had crushed him with those very same words. Meanwhile she makes a play for my guy best friend at that time. Oh wait, it gets better...all the girls that broke the aforementioned boy's heart...had done so partially because they were interested in my guy best friend. Whom broken-hearted boy worshipped! And T knew this too.
So yeah, I was a little enraged on my friends' behalf but had to cry "not my business" since all parties knew what sort of people they were dealing with AND didn't ask me to mediate/choose sides. Phew.
So here we have one major personal slight to me but involving someone whom A. I was completely done with and B. she knew was a raging d**k so fwoop, water off this ducks' back. It sucked but eh, wasn't worth the stress, you know? I just had to file it under: reasons to keep one's eyes open. And we also have a major slight to my friend but I already talked about the filing practice there.
Bottomline is: I decided to be the sort of friend I would rather have had. Do the right thing. Period. It did however always become her turn to keep contact 'cause frankly I wasn't going to go out of my way for somebody who had that kind of disregard for others.
So...back to Applebee's. I may've mentioned this before but I'm baby crack. Kids freakin' flock to me like...well, like butterflies flock to me. Except I don't like kids. But I'm nice to them and I talk to them like they're actually people already because that's the right thing to do. So D and T pick me up. H was busy so it was just the 4 of us and J (the son) CLEAVES to me like we're entirely comprised of velcro and superglue. And Danny is being nice and talkative and polite and I think hey...boy was I wrong. I mean who am I to second guess somebody for being shy, right? I'm shy to the point of raging rudeness more often than not. We get through lunch and laugh a lot and I think, hey...T's back in my life and since I'm with someone and she's with someone and I don't know anybody that she doesn't right now no big. No harm, no foul.
Well, T leads the party out of the restaurant. She's going to drive so she's futzing with her keys and whatever, pulling ahead so she can get the A.C. running before we get there. It was a fairly hot fall day. J INSISTS on holding my hand and telling me something about balloons and that's just fine. We're laughing. We're best buds. D's behind us.
And the son of a b***h grabs my a**. And this wasn't just any cheek-ful-of a**-grab my dear friends, oh no. This was one of those situations where if I'd been wearing a skirt instead of jeans I'd have needed equipment to bring my underpants back to the outside of my body. Now I'm short. He's not a big dude, average sized really, with average sized hands. So the whole thing is premeditated. It wasn't just a butt-honk which would've been bad enough in and of itself but I mean really I'm a grown girl of at least a bit above-average looks... I've had my hiney honked before in the entire spectrum between ha-ha we're all going to laugh to lewd enough to warrant a boot to the jewels. This was purposeful. Purposefully dirty and
...I can't stress this enough...
while I was holding on to his 3...maybe 4 year old's HAND for ******** sake!! With his soon-to-be-fiancee 5 ******** feet in front of us.
Well because he'd done it the way he had, I had myself a merry little knee-jerk reaction. I'm pretty sedate usually, especially in public, most especially in front of children (WHICH WE WERE!!) but I rounded on that a*****e, ready to punch him in the face. And he was ready for me. My fist missed his chin by an inch.
And he's laughing. Beavis and Butthead hehehehhehheh laughing. And I realize I'm in this mess up to my ears so I make the snap decision (as I'm telling J, no honey I wasn't going to hit your daddy just being silly, we were playing around) to keep mum, compose excuses why I can't hang out with them and try to keep T in my life. It is not a secret that I was a little trampy in my youth (sometimes more than a little) but only once in memory did I ever try to "take" a guy from one of my friends and I was over that kind of bad behavior long before T and I met. I also know from experience that a person's going to expect out of you the sort of bad behavior they let themselves get away with.
I could support that statement in context but this is getting long and I've got a ways to go. He'd cheated on her once. This was not my can of worms to open.
So...tense car ride home...nope, sorry, can't hang out some more. Gotta feed the cats, yadda ya. And J is breaking my heart 'cause he's shouting out the car window about all the things we're gonna do together 'cause I'm his bestest best friend. T's shouting the same thing.
But if she ever called it was only once or twice.
We are now 10+ years in the future wooOOOooo...and she contacted me again. Really excited, really affectionate, reminds me of the girl from high school before she got all trashy and disrespectful. And that impression sets in before I get confirmation that yes she married Danny and yes they are still together.
*facepalm*
She's coming over Friday w/Chinese food and I'm great with that. I'll continue to be great with that until I have to dust off my excuses to not be around Danny. When I got her first message I told myself if she wasn't still with him and it somehow came up I'd let it fly that incident at Applebee's...but if by some dark twist of fate she was still with him I'd keep mum and dodge.
I don't like this. It's too conflicted. I mean I figure she's grown up. She's not just a stepmom now but an actual mom-mom and so far seems happy...I'll know whether or not that's the case after talking to her awhile.
I hope though that I'm not put in the sorts of situations wherein this crap I'm sitting on is going to give me an ulcer. 'Cause unless she says: I'm leaving him...I'm going to sit on this till I die if I can.
And she's not going to tell me that. Not after the conversation we had last night.
I know that at least a little bit I'm being a bad friend. I don't like that. But what really can I do, you know? Who in their right mind lets an a**-honk bother them for 10+ years?
Me...but I've never really been in my right mind. Guys mature sometimes but I've yet to hear of one that's actually truly grown up.
*headdesk*
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:55 am
And first and foremost...you need hugs...hugs of monumental proportions, tight enough to be misconstrued as straightjackets or attempts to crush your ribs.
I can merely type...so...*super hugs*
Firstly. a** grabs are fine to be bothered by....I am not comfortable with guys grabbing me...or even insinuating such. I mean...I screamed so hard when one guy tried to pick me up without warning me first that we fell over (damn my top heaviness) Guys don't grow up. And I think when they think they can get away with something like that...they're probably always going to.
And you're not being a bad friend trying not to tell her. I always thought that was being a good friend...especially after ten years and that they're married. If she can get over him cheating on her...an a** grab won't bother her.
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 7:25 am
Typehugs are good! *HUGS*
I'm with you on "when they think they can get away with something like that...they're probably always going to." That's something I've always found to be true. It may not always BE true but I've not seen it go the other way yet.
Yeh, a** grab shouldn't bother her...but I think it will. And who knows where they stand right now, y'know? Just like back then there are kids involved. And that's tricky.
The last boyfriend that cheated before D she dumped like a hot rock. So I don't know if the D cheating was suspected or I heard it from somebody else or what...but given the way he grabbed me there's no doubt in my mind really. It's as good as done.
I do appreciate the bolster though. I would like the hell off the carousel of doubt that's for sure. I'm wound so tight I feel as though I may explode. If I didn't need to clean the house so bad I'd be hip-deep in Amalur right now and I wouldn't come out till Friday except long enough to sleep and dye my hair.
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 3:28 am
+Blink.+ +Hugs tight.+ Call me when your morning reaches the appropriate point?
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 5:05 am
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 8:56 am
That's fair Felly it's not really fair you get to stress about it
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 7:40 pm
Sorry it took me so long to reply! I didn't have time until now to read it all! gonk
I'm surprised you've put up with this stuff from her for so long. I know I would be really frustrated after the first couple indiscretions with her and start to distance myself from her. I don't think you're being a bad friend because from what I can tell from your story, she hasn't been the best of friend to you, but I don't know the full story of your relationship with her. It wouldn't sit well with me either if she married that guy and who knows what else he does behind her back.
I hope your meeting with her goes well though. But if you don't like this, then why do something you don't like when its avoidable?
Either way, you got my support for whatever you decide to do in this. heart
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 3:12 am
Mel is goodness incarnate but she likes to have her cake and eat it too. And write essays.
Good luck today, dear. Your lives have grown apart. She's homework and PTA meetings and etc. You're dogs and comic books and chaos. Perhaps that's enough to keep you separate. Didn't knowing Amanda teach you that the Goddess created the internet to buffer the bullshit? +G+
You may wield it like a baseball bat at times but your diplomacy is among the most considerable of your skills. Be prepared to bite the bullet and tell her you simply won't tolerate her husband's presence. If this goes beyond today it will come up. You don't have to say why - you are after all the queen of 'I don't want to say.'
Call me if you need - or even if you don't. +Hugs.+
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 5:52 am
V>Oh shut up. xd
Mich>Sorry about all the reading. sweatdrop
Y'know...over the course of my life and most especially my young life I haven't been treated very well. So when whatever was better than the last whatever there came a measure of tolerance. I wasn't as good at holding grudges then either and these mentioned events were fairly far apart, especially in teenager time. XD
V's right though in a way. I guess on the bottomline I'd like to have Terra around...just not Danny. And I realize I probably can't have it both ways. Plus you never know what's going to happen when we get together today. She thinks I'm funny, laughs at all my jokes so of course I'm going to be in full-on performance mode. Eventually though I'll run out of jokes and have to find out what kind of person she is vs. what kind of person I am.
Ooh look at the time. sweatdrop I'm all messed up this morning. Something weird happened. I was getting mail and a van drove (normal speed) by me, got to the end of the street WHIPPED around and sped back. By then of course I was beating feet back inside the house. It was really weird and it really scared me. No print on the thing and a weird, WEIRD whistling coming from inside.
I'm a little freaked. It's really slowed me down today.
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:06 am
At the risk of creeping you out more, maybe it was a sign of your meeting today. Or just a weirdo in a van. Let's go with a weirdo in a van.
Let me know how it goes today and my pocket is always available for you to hide in!
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 3:03 am
Yikes! +Hugs tight.+
Also; Aww, I was hoping for an evening edition.
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 4:45 am
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 4:55 am
Wanna talk signs? She calls me 'bout the time I thought she'd show up. "Gonna be late, got a flat tire. Danny's coming to fix it for me."
I was in fits thinking she'd just lead him here and gaaaah! But she didn't and it was a great day. Already making promises/plans to get together again. Now call me cynical but I bet we won't. People say things, you know? I mean if we do that's awesome. I still adore her...even if she has found god. whee Maybe that'll make her better behaved. ^__^
But no, it was fun. Constant giggling. Exchanging "kids" stories (you know me, mine have fur all over them,) listening to the Jolly Rogers. Add an Algebra II textbook, some hairspray and a bad perm and it was high school and that cracks me up. I mean for goodness' sake we must've spent at least an hour snarking on the people we collectively could not stand.
If there's eventually more to report I shall report it. 3nodding
The only thing for today is BOOO I can't find my Minion t-shirt. (It's Kelly Green.) See, this is what I get for putting things away. I know I washed it last week and except for the winter stuff I washed on Thursday all the laundry is put away but it's not in the right spot.
Happy St. Pat's. *licks V & climbs in Mich's pocket*
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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 4:07 am
Aww I'm pleased you had a good time ^^ It sounds like you did
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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 5:01 am
I really did. ^_^ And apparently she's going to make me make good on a standing invitation that she come to dinner and watch Next. And I am a-ok w/that despite the fact that it means I shall have to cook. Bleh.
On the knitting front I had to take apart my red blanket block. Not sure how it happened but as I was going along I found that I had picked up an extra stitch and I couldn't find where. It's a lot of work down the drain but since H wanted me to knit the kids scarves it freed up my big needles. I'll go back to the blanket drawing board when I am done there.
On the dog front I am ready to kill B and he's not been up all that long. >=(
Rotten dog. H wants to look for somebody to take him. I'm thisclose to agreeing.
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