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If only...I am terminally a coward and a victim.

*sends berries skittering back* These are not the ones! gonk crying

A little bit, yeah. *air mail hug* But no. Work, be merry...er, actually won't you be visiting the fam anyway?

On an unrelated "needed a good laugh" note: Neopets pound prank made me eyeroll, but the Shop Wizard made me *LOLOLOL* There may be something wrong with me.

Not a fortuitous start to April. My laptop won't start. I'm completely fretting that the dog is being completely naughty but I'm going bat$s17 with the thought of not knocking out my "dailies" today in a timely manner. Thus, I am downstairs with my hair turning silver and my fingers aching as I rushrushrush.

Mich&ME>You two are completely right, of course. I know this. I know what I should do. In this circumstance it's not going to happen. Insofar as the next one...who knows? More on this in a bit.

Veebs>*point* *flail* You weren't there! You didn't taste them! You know nothing!! scream *ahem* Well, if you want to drop by you know you're welcome. I'll even hide some eggs for ya. =) And I hear 'em, get off my back. You know I have obedience issues.

See guys, here's the thing...you know, beyond the coward/victim thing--and I went over this w/H the morning of the conversation. He doesn't think much of it either but he can't tell me I'm out of my mind.

Not to be conceited but I know I'm a better person than either of them separately and all of 'em put together. I am NOT going to be alone. I told H no matter what, I don't care if the universe starts to fall in and he's the only guy with braces, he's staying. Period. And he's going to be civil. We're ALL going to be civil.

Furthermore, it's been a decade+. She made her choice, she's happy with it. Unfortunately it stuck but we're not close enough for me to really want to save her from this p***s on wheels--and it's partially petty due to the "relationship" she's developed with my exes (yes, multiple.) I'll save myself if it comes down to it, sure...because I'm still suspicious that the universe does in some way revolve around me. (Character flaws, boy do I got 'em.) Maybe he's changed. (I doubt it, but it *has* been a decade+ right?) Relationships break and re-mold people. You can't know the rebuild until you see the floor plan and hardly anybody ever does. It's the way it works. Maybe. Just maybe. I can't do better than that.

She claims they've both found god. Maybe it adjusted the attitudes. I mean it's supposed to, right? They're not Catholic so they don't get free passes to misbehave. They have to invent them. Quite frankly anybody's relationship with "god" isn't any of my damn business. I'll nod to it but you can't make me do much more.

But here's the meat of the matter: he has a daughter now. To my mind that should be a wake-up call. Men and their sons...that's tricky, but men and their daughters...it should flip those switches in the head and the heart that say: respect! Cherish! Nurture!

Yes, I know from experience (in the generalized parent-child relationship scope) that tragically that is NOT the way things always work but another of my flaws is I give people way too much credit. It is a flaw that keeps me dealing with people not only person-by-person but interaction-by-interaction. It is a flaw with limits. I can't count how many people I've cut from my life forever because of some transgression that I decided was over the line.

But in the end it is a flaw that without which I would die. I would spiral right down into an ocean of self-destruction and never come up again. Dramatic...sure...but core truth. (Ironically it's that same flaw that keeps me avoiding people when I can but that's neither here nor there.)

So he gets to come here with Terra. I will feed him. I will let him watch my television. I will speak to him as politely as I can unless or until he sets me off. And I won't turn my back on him, not for one ******** second because to my mind he will always be a piece of s**t.

Yeah, my lid is going to be really easy to blow off. I foresee great potential for fiasco with this. Hopefully though, I can keep Terra on the fringes of my life and a meeting or two with useless evil is the small price I have to pay. So concludes my list of reasons--or if you prefer: my excuses.

I am starting to wonder though if she doesn't know or suspect something. Just due to the fact that she waited until the very end to be clear with me that it was going to be Terra+1. With everything else we spoke about she was clear and over-explainy and detail-vomit. So I suspect. Oh yes, I do suspect.

It'd be nice if she'd ask me what I think in some private venue. Maybe it will be as easy as: Eh, I don't like him. Didn't like him in meeting one. You asked for a second chance for him. By the end of meeting two I liked him less.

Nothing's ever that easy though, is it? sad

Micherru; I don't know about all that RE: situations with the husband. If she was all that concerned about Mel I don't think she'd have bothered to be friends with the aforementioned ex at all, especially since if I recall my Mel History with any accuracy the two became "friends" after the beatings and the break-up.
You know - I feel like I'm watching a prime time drama on the CW.
Mel; Ok ok, I retract the berries. Keep your eggs in their basket. +Big hugs.+ I appreciate it and all but it's a lot of driving on a holiday weekend. Perhaps the following weekend? I'll see about swinging some overtime this week.
As far as anything else goes: I get where you're coming from but from the sound of things all those events and behaviors that bothered you in the first big essay are still very much in play. God or no, this woman is the same person she always was and that person is dross. Toss her - preferably before she brings either ex by just to watch you (as you like to put it: ) flip your lid.

See, that, that right there bugs the hell out of me. It really does. But I've always taken the ...eh, I don't know the word...At first I was all like betrayed and she pulled that "well, he was nice to me" b.s. And then I figured 1 of 2 things. Either she'd find out exactly how he was (too bad, so sad, told you so you stupid girl) or the thing I said about the pair of us bringing out the absolute worst in each other would prove true. Did I ever stop feeling betrayed? No, not really. She was instrumental in the break-up process. I thought that was genuine concern. You know, 1 too many days of me showing up at school barely able to move or covered over in scratches and bruises and spots of scalp visible where my hair was pulled out.

I mean my goddess I know how to act! I know that if a couple parts over differences there's a little leeway if you're friends with both. You be a friend, you remain neutral and you hope it all blows the hell over someday. I also know that you definitely pick sides with cheating and beating and stuff like that. I did it. For her. Over a "friend" who I'd known for YEARS before they met. We were actually very close. He cheated. I stood by her. It was the right thing to do. It's how people SHOULD act but rarely do. (I'm all mythical and rare and exquisite, like a unicorn - oh yes I am. A cowardly unicorn though.) You can't pick somebody's friends, not if they won't let you.

But I do have 1 transgression in my past against her and I suppose it's possible but my mind rails against the idea that she may still be punishing me for that -- especially since it happened at the very end of high school.

Prom. We all decided to go together and I had several guys cancel on me. 1 breakup, 1 "sure I'll go" and then he had his sister call me and tell me he died -- NIIICE guy, and the last one was a really good friend of mine who chickened out 4 hours before showtime. I don't blame him much, he was only 14 but damned if the boy didn't look 21. His mom and stepdad felt so bad for me that they asked the young man who was doing some landscaping for them if he would go with me. He said yes. They rented him a tux, the mom made us our finery flowers from her garden and sent him on up.

Unfortunately I kind of completely spaced on who the guy was: my "best friend's" ex from 2 years earlier. Awkward. In my defense I'd only ever seen him once and while I may've spouted off friend things "oh he's cute, oh good job" (and I'm not going to repeat what I *actually* said hehehe) but I really didn't file him in my head. I spent a year apologizing for that and trying to make it up to her. It was my duty as her dizzy best friend.

That was my big sin against her and if I can't be blamed for being outright DUMB then it was just an accident. I willingly accepted blame for it though.



I choose to believe she's not going to do that. Mainly because she told me so. Well, about Jody. I don't know about Jason. And I don't want to see his a** either. But that's kind of a long story in my head and this is pretty long already.

Thereagain I'm stupid. I cut a girl out of my life for pouncing on Jody as soon as we broke up (and to be quite honest she started working on him long before.) Yet another one that knew the score and didn't care.

I know what I should do...but I have no idea what will actually happen.

Mich>We shall see. heart

ME>I will. Thank you.

+Facepalm.+ Oi, Mel. How is it you can manage to be so awesome and so mental at the same time? I don't know whether to shake you or put you in a pretty box and keep you out of direct sunlight.
Jason. Wasn't that the guy that "wanted to feel closer to you?"
For the love of Mike, listen to Micherru!