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Happy Blood Cell

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 5:55 pm


The story line takes place in the future. All of the world countries have sort of merged together into one, large culture, and well, no one actually remembers the countries and no one cares, because it's world peace right? In truth, murders and rapes are abundent, and everytime they happen, there's no punishment for the criminal sense ths society accepts all people, and they classify murderers and such as mentally disabled and simply send them higher into the city. The city has about a billon different levels housing billons of people, stores, markets, etc. The 'unstables' are kept on the highest floors. Oringinally, everyone starts on the bottem floor, where everything is plain and peaceful, people are kept in order, and live out the lives of hamsters. There is only one church, it's very small, and it's kept on the highest floors. By now, society has claimed to overrule death and that when you die, you just disapear, and bibles have been replaced with books encouraging you to do the scientific method for everything. The very few people who still go to the church are classified as unstables. Women unstables are taken and killed in fear of the unstables breeding and creating more unstable 'Chaos'. So the very few unstables who go to the church are male, and have done some things that weren't considerered very stable. One of the unstables happen to be a scientist, a scientist that was working on robotics and such. Sense there were no women, and it's doubtful porn will satisfy him forever, he makes a female robot, concealing the robot inside the church. After awhile, he finds himself satisfied with the love-doll hes created, and he of course wants more, so he programs into her, her own sense of intelligence and feeling, with the catch of that she must love him, and only give him the good stuff. She lives in solitude, behavng as a Nun and believing this is the life God wanted for her. Of course her husbend is an athiest, as the rest of them are, Rosarey (Her name) continues to pray for her husbend's soul endlessly. The reason for her religion is the fact that as her literacy test, she read the bible, which her mind runs around the things she read. She spends most of her time in the confession booth, locked away when her husbend is gone. Every now and then, someone will come and confess. After hearing the story of how a Man wished forgiveness, She answers in attempt to consule him, however, How is a man to react when he hears the voice of a woman, in a supposingly abandoned church, In a place with there's no such thing as a female Unstable?

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Wooo..... That was long, can I get an opinion?... I honestly can't say whether it'll be a romance or not. Romance perhaps, but there sha'll be a lot of gore and such. xp
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:47 pm


It seems to need a bit more organization and more thought put into it, because even though I read it I'm not fully grasping at what the story is about and why it is the way it is.
Why would all the many cultures and countries of this planet ever want to merge into one culture and one country? How did they manage to obtain world peace? Why would this culture categorize "murder" and "rape" as people just being mentally unstable and in fact are sent to the higher levels of buildings in this society?
Why would society claim to have overruled death and that you just disappear when death is a part of the nature cycle? When you replace the bible with a book about the scientific method, wouldnt those people learning this method in fact try to disprove society's claim that you just disappear when you "die"? What exactly is this church all about when no one really needs religion?
Why would a scientist who works in robotics which, in the future, is a very lucrative field to go into be classified as "unstable"? Every rule of science fiction is that its an extremely bad idea to have an AI with little to no shackles running lose despite the fact that she is a sex doll. So why would this scientist turn her into such a thing when all he really wants is sex?

Siegfried006


Happy Blood Cell

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 3:33 pm


Siegfried006
It seems to need a bit more organization and more thought put into it, because even though I read it I'm not fully grasping at what the story is about and why it is the way it is.
Why would all the many cultures and countries of this planet ever want to merge into one culture and one country? How did they manage to obtain world peace? Why would this culture categorize "murder" and "rape" as people just being mentally unstable and in fact are sent to the higher levels of buildings in this society?
Why would society claim to have overruled death and that you just disappear when death is a part of the nature cycle? When you replace the bible with a book about the scientific method, wouldnt those people learning this method in fact try to disprove society's claim that you just disappear when you "die"? What exactly is this church all about when no one really needs religion?
Why would a scientist who works in robotics which, in the future, is a very lucrative field to go into be classified as "unstable"? Every rule of science fiction is that its an extremely bad idea to have an AI with little to no shackles running lose despite the fact that she is a sex doll. So why would this scientist turn her into such a thing when all he really wants is sex?

I knooowwwww, and this is what critism is for, So I thank you. I lack organization completely, *Sucks in a breath to explain and such* Okay. Plagues from lack of sanitation, (Some whack, began spreading the idea of developing better immune systems by not being Sanitary, Just, Just, Go figure.) began to spread everywhere, Goverments tried their best to keep the people in hand, but sense the Goverment wasn't finding cures for these new illnesses, people began clumping together. So these people needed new leaders, So they went to science and began to rely on that. They found it best to abandon people who were ill, and eventually some reincarnation of Hitler decided to burn them all. There were tons of people against this, most of them religious and even Non-religious people rose up against this, but they were faced with the factor that there was no cure at hand. Anyone who was left standing against this, was forced to live with people who were infected, and were eventually burned with them. This stage lasted for about fifty years, and the moment they were sure the plague nolonger existed, they began to build, reusing all the metal that had once been used for the oringinal cities. Building of the structure took over a hundred years for completion, and by then, any seperation of culture or language had died out. People, being people, needed a Leader. The Leader, (I don't really think the name is essential at this point) soon began to see crime. After awhile, he tried to create a justice system, but people being free so long, there was nothing to truly get people to see moral anymore. So the justice system failed, and he simply began sending people higher into the structure, and locking them in there. The very few people who had any idea of religion were identified as insane, and put higher into the building just like the unstables. Being up there, they created a church and tried to create their own community, which in the end failed with all the murderers and such. The Scientist, "Kon." was labeled insane because of his study in the old plagues, and people began to get nervous that he was replicating them, wich he wasn't, he was creating wax models of the virus. He lived among the unstables for a long time, and he resided inside the church for safety, eventually creating Rosary. The reason why he gave her intellegence is because just sex, gets boring, and making her a companion was next. Another thing is, he didn't have to worry because she has an extremely short battery life, and it's only stable insie the church where he's made it safe for her electromagnetic waves to function correctly. Another thing is, I admit I was rambling about the religious part, religion being forgotten, the only thing they relied on was Science, so they of course had books explaining the science. As for the he Disapearing and the Science, It's a pure mixture, People are different, so why wouldn't they have different kinds of explanations? (I apologize if this doesn't explain enough, I really have to work on this Idea.)
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 4:10 pm


Devious Scone
Siegfried006
It seems to need a bit more organization and more thought put into it, because even though I read it I'm not fully grasping at what the story is about and why it is the way it is.
Why would all the many cultures and countries of this planet ever want to merge into one culture and one country? How did they manage to obtain world peace? Why would this culture categorize "murder" and "rape" as people just being mentally unstable and in fact are sent to the higher levels of buildings in this society?
Why would society claim to have overruled death and that you just disappear when death is a part of the nature cycle? When you replace the bible with a book about the scientific method, wouldnt those people learning this method in fact try to disprove society's claim that you just disappear when you "die"? What exactly is this church all about when no one really needs religion?
Why would a scientist who works in robotics which, in the future, is a very lucrative field to go into be classified as "unstable"? Every rule of science fiction is that its an extremely bad idea to have an AI with little to no shackles running lose despite the fact that she is a sex doll. So why would this scientist turn her into such a thing when all he really wants is sex?

I knooowwwww, and this is what critism is for, So I thank you. I lack organization completely, *Sucks in a breath to explain and such* Okay. Plagues from lack of sanitation, (Some whack, began spreading the idea of developing better immune systems by not being Sanitary, Just, Just, Go figure.) began to spread everywhere, Goverments tried their best to keep the people in hand, but sense the Goverment wasn't finding cures for these new illnesses, people began clumping together. So these people needed new leaders, So they went to science and began to rely on that. They found it best to abandon people who were ill, and eventually some reincarnation of Hitler decided to burn them all. There were tons of people against this, most of them religious and even Non-religious people rose up against this, but they were faced with the factor that there was no cure at hand. Anyone who was left standing against this, was forced to live with people who were infected, and were eventually burned with them. This stage lasted for about fifty years, and the moment they were sure the plague nolonger existed, they began to build, reusing all the metal that had once been used for the oringinal cities. Building of the structure took over a hundred years for completion, and by then, any seperation of culture or language had died out. People, being people, needed a Leader. The Leader, (I don't really think the name is essential at this point) soon began to see crime. After awhile, he tried to create a justice system, but people being free so long, there was nothing to truly get people to see moral anymore. So the justice system failed, and he simply began sending people higher into the structure, and locking them in there. The very few people who had any idea of religion were identified as insane, and put higher into the building just like the unstables. Being up there, they created a church and tried to create their own community, which in the end failed with all the murderers and such. The Scientist, "Kon." was labeled insane because of his study in the old plagues, and people began to get nervous that he was replicating them, wich he wasn't, he was creating wax models of the virus. He lived among the unstables for a long time, and he resided inside the church for safety, eventually creating Rosary. The reason why he gave her intellegence is because just sex, gets boring, and making her a companion was next. Another thing is, he didn't have to worry because she has an extremely short battery life, and it's only stable insie the church where he's made it safe for her electromagnetic waves to function correctly. Another thing is, I admit I was rambling about the religious part, religion being forgotten, the only thing they relied on was Science, so they of course had books explaining the science. As for the he Disapearing and the Science, It's a pure mixture, People are different, so why wouldn't they have different kinds of explanations? (I apologize if this doesn't explain enough, I really have to work on this Idea.)

Well you have explained some things, but the way things happen is a bit perplexing.
Such as the government's plan of making better immune systems by not being sanitary. In theory that sounds like a great idea, if you are exposed to these diseases and being dirty your immune systems would get stronger, but I don't quite think all the governments of the world would adopt this plan because they would think it was stupid. And to some extent, it is.
A better explanation might be a mutated plague that either attacks crops or burrows into the ground. There is no obvious signs that the crops are corrupt, but if they are eaten they case all kinds of nasty effects among them death to the people that eat them. With no real way to discover what crops were corrupt or even what soil was bad/good, people clumped together into tiny communities after they become disillusioned with the governments promise to find a way a solution.
The more cynical among them believe the government did it in a way to cull the herd so to speak, a last ditch plan to control over-population. Maybe this new Hitler of yours is someone that believes this so fiercely he is willing to take it to the next level. So for fifty so on years he engages in a war against all governments of the world doing all kinds of heinous acts and whatnot.

Now you don't have to go that route, it is your story and this is just a spitballed idea, but if you do then you will have to figure out how this plague/virus got across the ocean to infect the other countries soil. You don't have to go into too much explanation since this is the backstory to bring the story to the present day, but it might be a good idea to know just in case.

I would also advise to reverse where the "unstable" people go. They don't go higher because they would seem like they are getting special treatment, but instead if society wanted to get rid of them then they would go to the bottom where the tainted soil is to die out. But somehow they survive, make a church, then you can go ahead with this scientist and his robot.

Now, if you want to make this a romance story then there is FAR too much effort going into it. Most romance books barely go over 200 pages and if there is not enough sex or no sex near the beginning of the book, almost no one would continue reading it past a certain point. And since a sci-fi environment, futuristic in terms of time scale, at times requires A LOT of explanation as to how this future came about, it would not be a good idea to make it a romance. A sci-fi drama with romance in it would suit your purposes far better then making it a pure romance.
Now in regards to the story, what is the end goal? Where do you plan on taking this story?

Siegfried006


Happy Blood Cell

Sparkly Fatcat

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 4:50 pm


Siegfried006


Your idea makes so much more sense. I would like the end goal to be Rosary making it to the outside, where she believes Heaven is, but in truth,outside, there's an entie different Society, that's not as healthy as the one inside, but it doesn't lack the moral the one inside does.
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:46 pm


Devious Scone
Siegfried006


Your idea makes so much more sense. I would like the end goal to be Rosary making it to the outside, where she believes Heaven is, but in truth,outside, there's an entie different Society, that's not as healthy as the one inside, but it doesn't lack the moral the one inside does.
Okay so my last comment wasn't very good since I didn't understand what you had written, but now I got it. So what you want to have is three different worlds: The high class where all the fancy buildings are, the lower class where the "unstables" are located, then the world outside of both kinda like the frontier world. Why I have no clue, unless you plan on making this a series.
Also, why would she leave if her only purpose is to love, cherish, and pray for the salvation of her creator/lover?

Siegfried006


Happy Blood Cell

Sparkly Fatcat

5,700 Points
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:57 pm


Siegfried006
Devious Scone
Siegfried006


Your idea makes so much more sense. I would like the end goal to be Rosary making it to the outside, where she believes Heaven is, but in truth,outside, there's an entie different Society, that's not as healthy as the one inside, but it doesn't lack the moral the one inside does.
Okay so my last comment wasn't very good since I didn't understand what you had written, but now I got it. So what you want to have is three different worlds: The high class where all the fancy buildings are, the lower class where the "unstables" are located, then the world outside of both kinda like the frontier world. Why I have no clue, unless you plan on making this a series.
Also, why would she leave if her only purpose is to love, cherish, and pray for the salvation of her creator/lover?

Because, the guy who she answers in the confession room kills her Husbend, which leaves her with nothing. So she leaves thinking she'll find his soul outside.
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 7:35 pm


Devious Scone
Siegfried006
Devious Scone
Siegfried006


Your idea makes so much more sense. I would like the end goal to be Rosary making it to the outside, where she believes Heaven is, but in truth,outside, there's an entie different Society, that's not as healthy as the one inside, but it doesn't lack the moral the one inside does.
Okay so my last comment wasn't very good since I didn't understand what you had written, but now I got it. So what you want to have is three different worlds: The high class where all the fancy buildings are, the lower class where the "unstables" are located, then the world outside of both kinda like the frontier world. Why I have no clue, unless you plan on making this a series.
Also, why would she leave if her only purpose is to love, cherish, and pray for the salvation of her creator/lover?

Because, the guy who she answers in the confession room kills her Husbend, which leaves her with nothing. So she leaves thinking she'll find his soul outside.
Mhmm, so what reason would this guy kill her creator?

Siegfried006


Happy Blood Cell

Sparkly Fatcat

5,700 Points
  • Loiterer 100
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:02 pm


Siegfried006
Devious Scone
Siegfried006
Devious Scone
Siegfried006


Your idea makes so much more sense. I would like the end goal to be Rosary making it to the outside, where she believes Heaven is, but in truth,outside, there's an entie different Society, that's not as healthy as the one inside, but it doesn't lack the moral the one inside does.
Okay so my last comment wasn't very good since I didn't understand what you had written, but now I got it. So what you want to have is three different worlds: The high class where all the fancy buildings are, the lower class where the "unstables" are located, then the world outside of both kinda like the frontier world. Why I have no clue, unless you plan on making this a series.
Also, why would she leave if her only purpose is to love, cherish, and pray for the salvation of her creator/lover?

Because, the guy who she answers in the confession room kills her Husbend, which leaves her with nothing. So she leaves thinking she'll find his soul outside.
Mhmm, so what reason would this guy kill her creator?

He's a bad guy and wanted to kill the Creator because he didn't share his sex toy, Yah' know, He's the bad guy, Who's just bad.
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:25 pm


Devious Scone
Siegfried006
Devious Scone
Siegfried006
Devious Scone
Siegfried006


Your idea makes so much more sense. I would like the end goal to be Rosary making it to the outside, where she believes Heaven is, but in truth,outside, there's an entie different Society, that's not as healthy as the one inside, but it doesn't lack the moral the one inside does.
Okay so my last comment wasn't very good since I didn't understand what you had written, but now I got it. So what you want to have is three different worlds: The high class where all the fancy buildings are, the lower class where the "unstables" are located, then the world outside of both kinda like the frontier world. Why I have no clue, unless you plan on making this a series.
Also, why would she leave if her only purpose is to love, cherish, and pray for the salvation of her creator/lover?

Because, the guy who she answers in the confession room kills her Husbend, which leaves her with nothing. So she leaves thinking she'll find his soul outside.
Mhmm, so what reason would this guy kill her creator?

He's a bad guy and wanted to kill the Creator because he didn't share his sex toy, Yah' know, He's the bad guy, Who's just bad.
That is the wrong attitude to take you know. When you are writing a story you need to have a plausible explanation for why almost everything happens in the story. If you make it too vague or if the reason doesn't make sense then you turn your readers away from reading further.
Besides, how would the bad guy know about the sex toy if the scientist is keeping it a major secret? Unless the scientist discovered something that the bad guy wanted to keep under wraps. Like...the bad guy is a drug smuggler, or he is doing something really bad to the "unstables" to make them want to rebel, or he found the cure to the tainted soil and the bad guy killed him to prevent him from curing it because he makes some kind of profit off of the unstables.
Something like that, I don't know, Im spitballing ideas here for your story.

Siegfried006


Happy Blood Cell

Sparkly Fatcat

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 1:22 pm


Siegfried006
Devious Scone
Siegfried006
Devious Scone
Siegfried006
Okay so my last comment wasn't very good since I didn't understand what you had written, but now I got it. So what you want to have is three different worlds: The high class where all the fancy buildings are, the lower class where the "unstables" are located, then the world outside of both kinda like the frontier world. Why I have no clue, unless you plan on making this a series.
Also, why would she leave if her only purpose is to love, cherish, and pray for the salvation of her creator/lover?

Because, the guy who she answers in the confession room kills her Husbend, which leaves her with nothing. So she leaves thinking she'll find his soul outside.
Mhmm, so what reason would this guy kill her creator?

He's a bad guy and wanted to kill the Creator because he didn't share his sex toy, Yah' know, He's the bad guy, Who's just bad.
That is the wrong attitude to take you know. When you are writing a story you need to have a plausible explanation for why almost everything happens in the story. If you make it too vague or if the reason doesn't make sense then you turn your readers away from reading further.
Besides, how would the bad guy know about the sex toy if the scientist is keeping it a major secret? Unless the scientist discovered something that the bad guy wanted to keep under wraps. Like...the bad guy is a drug smuggler, or he is doing something really bad to the "unstables" to make them want to rebel, or he found the cure to the tainted soil and the bad guy killed him to prevent him from curing it because he makes some kind of profit off of the unstables.
Something like that, I don't know, Im spitballing ideas here for your story.

You're really wanting to make orange juice, Aren't you? Okay. The Bad guy who is bad, he was the son of one of the very last few religious people, and he went inside the church to confess his Sins because his father asked him to while he was taking his last breath from old age. So Luscien (His name) out of pure respect for his Father went to the church. The only way to get to the hidden part of the church is through the Confession box, where Rosary spends most of her time peeking out through the window-thingy. When someone begins to confess, she's so overwhelmed that someone is actually confessing she answers him.
PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 8:24 pm


Devious Scone
Siegfried006
Devious Scone
Siegfried006
Devious Scone
Siegfried006
Okay so my last comment wasn't very good since I didn't understand what you had written, but now I got it. So what you want to have is three different worlds: The high class where all the fancy buildings are, the lower class where the "unstables" are located, then the world outside of both kinda like the frontier world. Why I have no clue, unless you plan on making this a series.
Also, why would she leave if her only purpose is to love, cherish, and pray for the salvation of her creator/lover?

Because, the guy who she answers in the confession room kills her Husbend, which leaves her with nothing. So she leaves thinking she'll find his soul outside.
Mhmm, so what reason would this guy kill her creator?

He's a bad guy and wanted to kill the Creator because he didn't share his sex toy, Yah' know, He's the bad guy, Who's just bad.
That is the wrong attitude to take you know. When you are writing a story you need to have a plausible explanation for why almost everything happens in the story. If you make it too vague or if the reason doesn't make sense then you turn your readers away from reading further.
Besides, how would the bad guy know about the sex toy if the scientist is keeping it a major secret? Unless the scientist discovered something that the bad guy wanted to keep under wraps. Like...the bad guy is a drug smuggler, or he is doing something really bad to the "unstables" to make them want to rebel, or he found the cure to the tainted soil and the bad guy killed him to prevent him from curing it because he makes some kind of profit off of the unstables.
Something like that, I don't know, Im spitballing ideas here for your story.

You're really wanting to make orange juice, Aren't you? Okay. The Bad guy who is bad, he was the son of one of the very last few religious people, and he went inside the church to confess his Sins because his father asked him to while he was taking his last breath from old age. So Luscien (His name) out of pure respect for his Father went to the church. The only way to get to the hidden part of the church is through the Confession box, where Rosary spends most of her time peeking out through the window-thingy. When someone begins to confess, she's so overwhelmed that someone is actually confessing she answers him.
Hm, if thats the way you want to do it then why not do it?

Siegfried006

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