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 Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 9:33 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:48 am
Oh yeah, teen poetry.
You have a plus there as you control the flow and rhythm and rhyme of the poem (I especially like the second half of the poem) but isn't the topic too naive? I mean, hey, Bravo Girl or Popcorn or stuff like that would gladly print that. And that's a VERRRYYYY good way to start you adventure with poetry.
But aim your ideals higher. You've got your dose of talent and do not waste it!
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 4:32 pm
It's full of emotion, which is very good, and for the most part the rhythm is very good. It was a cute poem to read because it took the reader with the narrator from confusion to revelation, which is always a nice touch.
Two things, however, hurt the reading process:
1. The fifth stanza's rhythm was slightly different which somewhat disrupted the reading process.
2. The fourth stanza for some reason didn't seem to make sense to me on the first read. Maybe different wording would make it easier to read?
Overall, it was very good- punctuation was used well and the emotion was strong. Good job!
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Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 6:43 pm
thanks.. I'm not realy good at love poems... the one I'm most proud of is my poem young death which I'm sure I posted here if you want to read it. blaugh
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