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 Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2012 2:00 am
We are having our first ever Joke telling contest
The top five jokes will win 2500 gold each. Then out of the top five will be voted on and the top joke will win 7500 more gold.
There will also be a prize of 1000 gold for the top five worse jokes.
Rules:
No race jokes.
Dirty jokes are aloud, but please keep them with in reason.
We are closing the joke contest Dec. 1, 2012. The voting for the winner will be picked after that.
Edit: Because we had So many enters, I would like it if People could nominate a joke for the Best and/or Worst Joke.
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Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 9:27 pm
Sweet hart, do do have any idea who you're talking to? I'm the freacking Queen of this!!! XD But don't expect me to tell just one joke, and expect some of these to be true stories! XP Let's see.... To get us started I'll start with something simple... But I'll avoid my list of "blonde jokes" that I learned from reading Twiligt. (P.S. After reading the entire series I simply couldn't stand to watch the movies... Frankly I want the missing hours of my life back.. That series made me turn emo while I was reading it. Everyone thoght I'd been abducted and replaced by aliens. So don't even ask if I'm a Twilight fan... Because I'd rather watch TeleTubbies then go through that again... And the TeleTubbies are scary... No really... They haunt my nightmares... *shivers* NO. MORE. CUSTAAARRDD!!! Xll) Anyway, most of my joke mention varoius races, but are not meant to insult them. I've told the joke before to black people before and they laughed just as hard (If not harder) then the other people. And I happen to live in a black neighborhood. Though most of my other jokes have to do with talking animals, or Native American Indians. Again, no offense is ever intended. And making fun of most of these jokes (Excluding the one below) is actually insulting to me, considering I live this crud.... My first joke: *Cue Epic Deep Voice* (Note, the slight racial innuendo at the end was never intended to insult anyone, it was olny meant to be humouros, and the Parrot was punished for saying all of this anyway.) Once opon a time there was a Pirate Captain. But this Pirate was very lonly. Do you know why? This Pirate had no parrot. So at one of his stops he went to the pet shop to buy a parrot. The store clerk told him that they had all but one parrot left, but he couldn't talk. "That's ok," the Pirate said, "I'll teach him!" And thus he left. But then the Pirate was hungery, so he went to a local diner. The waiter asked the Pirate what he wanted and he said "Bolanga." And so the Parrot learned the word *Wrak! Balonga!*Then they went back to sea. But before sailing off, one of the crew fell overboard. So the Pirate said "Hoist 'em up!" They did, and the Parrot learned to say *Wrak! Hoist 'em up, Hoist 'em up!*After that they were ready to sail. "Full speed ahead!" The Pirate yelled. And so the parrot learned *Wrak! Full speed ahead! Full speed ahead!*Later on that day, there was a terrible storm. The ship was blown slightly off course. They rammed into a dark colored rock by accident. "Hit a black rock!" the Pirate yelled. And so the Parrot learned *Wrak! Hit a black rock! Hit a black rock!*The next day, the skies cleared, and the Pirate took his Parrot to church. (Yes, pirates go to church.) The Preacher spoke: "The Lord is above us!" he gestered above. *Wrak! Bolonga!* "The Devil is below us!" he gestered downwards. *Wrak! Hoist 'em up! Hoist 'em up!* The Preacher grew irratable. He spoke to the Parrot, holding up a black Bible. "If you don't be quiet, I will throw this book at you..." *Wrak! Full speed ahead! Full speed ahead!!* (XP) The Preacher stood true to his word. But the Parrot dodged, and the black book hit the African man behind him. *Wrak! Hit a black rock! Hit a black rock!*From that day on not the Pirate, nor the Parrot, were ever allowed back into church again...
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 4:55 am
What's red and smells like blue paint?
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 2:04 pm
Starchan13 What's red and smells like blue paint? A friend of mine read that and said "the crappiest joke I ever heard". LULZ.
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 2:06 pm
Starchan13 What's red and smells like blue paint? Musty carrots
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 3:02 pm
The REAL Kurisu-Taru Starchan13 What's red and smells like blue paint? A friend of mine read that and said "the crappiest joke I ever heard". LULZ. xD glad I could help.
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 11:28 pm
Did you hear how Canada got it name?
they put letters into a bag and had a guy pull out letters at random.
the man pulls the first letter.
Man: C eh!
the Man pulled the second letter.
Man: N eh!
The Man pulled the last Letter.
Man: D eh!
Canada eh!
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 11:52 pm
Here is a good one. It is a little dirty.
There is this man with three daughters each going out on dates. The first boy come up to the door. The father open the door with his shotgun. Boy: "Hi I am Joe. I am here for Flo, we are going to see a show." the father let's them go.
The second boy come up to the door. the father opens the door with a shotgun. Boy: "Hi I am Eddy, I an Here for Betty, We are going out for Spaghetti." the father let them go.
The last boy came up. The father again opened the door with a shotgun. Boy: "Hi I am Chuck, I am here for Duck We are going to F....Bang!" the father shot him.
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 11:57 pm
*sigh* Oh people.. Really? that's the best you can do? *craks figers* Let the Master show you how it's done! 2nd Joke: (two women are talking) Elsie: Did you hear about Lorena? Margaret: No, why? What happened? Elsie: Well she got married again. Margaret: Oh? And what's so special about that? Elsie: Don't you remember? Her first husband was a banker, and the second an actor, and the third a preacher. Now's she married an undertaker! Margaret: Oh, I get it! (she turns to the audience and counts to 4 on her fingers) One for the money, two for the show, three to get goin', and four to let go! And remember, The Joker tells us: "It's not a joke if it has to be explained!"
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Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 3:30 pm
ok here a joke i know its not very good
Why is six afraid of seven? because Seven ate nine.
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Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 4:06 pm
Milpheeo We are having our first ever Joke telling contest The top five jokes will win 2500 gold each. Then out of the top five will be voted on and the top joke will win 7500 more gold. There will also be a prize of 1000 gold for the top five worse jokes. Rules: No race jokes. Dirty jokes are aloud, but please keep them with in reason. Um, how long is this contest? Is there a end date? Just curious. Ok, so here is one my daughter, who is blonde, told me. There was a blonde who was broke so she decided to get a job. She decided she wanted to be a painter and walked up to her first client's house. She said, "Ok, what would you like painted?" He said, "You can paint my porch white." She said, "Ok" she was outside for about 30 minutes and knocked on the client's back door. When he answered the door she stepped inside and said, "I'm all done." He looked at her confused, and said, "You already painted my whole porch?" She said, "Yes, oh and it's not a porch, it's a Ferrari." rofl
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 4:23 am
Here is a joke from a movie a have seen.
Two guy join the join the cheerleading squad to pick up girls. They are the only guys on the team. they get on the bus to go to cheer camp. The bus starts moving. the Girls start cheering. "We are driving. We, we are driving!"
Next the bus stops somewhere to eat. the girl start Cheering. "We are eating. We, we are eating!"
Final the bus gets to the camp. They see hot girl after hot girl. So the guy look at each other. The one guy asked the other. "did the bus crash and kill us?" the other guy tells him. "No. if we crashed and kill us, we would have heard. We are crashing. We, we are crashing!"
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:01 pm
Milpheeo Here is a joke from a movie a have seen. Two guy join the join the cheerleading squad to pick up girls. They are the only guys on the team. they get on the bus to go to cheer camp. The bus starts moving. the Girls start cheering. "We are driving. We, we are driving!" Next the bus stops somewhere to eat. the girl start Cheering. "We are eating. We, we are eating!" Final the bus gets to the camp. They see hot girl after hot girl. So the guy look at each other. The one guy asked the other. "did the bus crash and kill us?" the other guy tells him. "No. if we crashed and kill us, we would have heard. We are crashing. We, we are crashing!" Great movie.
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 11:14 pm
I thought this one was funny...... A Child's Prayer... One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma." The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy." Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
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Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 12:09 am
luvmybabies I thought this one was funny...... A Child's Prayer... One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma." The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy." Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!" Ok, now THAT'S gold! XD
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