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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:57 am
So, here lies my quest. Please feel free to post here with comments or crits, or pointers. I have that uneasy feeling of incompleteness with these two and welcome help fixing it, in whatever form or degree of sensitivity it comes.
It is all-right if I do not win, I'll reopen again later to work on Rowan and Hyde more.
1. Introduction 2. Plague 3. Grimm
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:32 am
Plague name: Rowan, named for the wood she’s made of.
Item: Hand-carved wood flute, end-blown, and about two foot in length.
Gender & Alignment: The Moon (Female)
Item History: Rowan is a flute carved from a block of rowan-wood, the fruits of Hyde’s labor as he learned to craft ‘the tools of his trade’ when he was five. Hyde has kept the flute, played it, played with it, since then. It’s been his most treasure possession because he made it with great effort. He’s used it to play to his childhood sweethearts and to entertain friends. He treasures it, to the extent he thinks it lucky. Rowan has been his partner as he grew, and continued to be so as he set off from home. Rowan is what his life and death depends on too; his bed for the night and dinners, and his money for nicer clothes. Hyde plays the flute in taverns, he tries to stay in the less seedy ones, but it can't be helped. The good taverns sometimes already have another bard or their own hired musicians that stay there. Sometimes he's reduced to sleight of hand tricks to get by where another musician is present. He tries to stay away from the seediest places, after the night he was mobbed by drunks in the tavern where he was playing, as they fought over what song they wanted of him. They were all dirty, and he suspected some may be hiding sores after seeing them. He fled the hot cramped air of the tavern as quickly as he could, fleeing through the kitchen, but not before some had managed to snatch at his flute.
He noticed, of course, after a while as the flute stopped playing... in tune, and then at all. He assumed at first that the days spent in the rain and the hands of a child had finally warped it, and used most of the little monies he'd managed to gather to buy another. He had hoped to get by with his harp, but that was before he noticed the black fog about the flute. His heart dropped at the idea of what was happening, and he fearfully almost threw the flute away. It was like it had betrayed him, and was no longer lucky. Still some lingering sentimentality lead him to keep it and hide it away. Rowan herself is scared he may throw her away, that she’s no longer useful to him. She’s jealous of the more finely crafted and ornate harp his father gave him that he’s using now. Its sound is more refined than hers was, it’s prettier and more refined. She’s set off to try her best to make her own worth.
Personality: Quiet, Rowan prefers not to be the loud center of attention, the person in the spotlight. She likes to listen before speaking. She prefers quietude because if gives her the chance to let herself be overlooked and to overhear things. Rowan is cunning and intelligent. She watches the maneuverings of others and sees how she can use them to better herself and Hyde. She enjoys plots and gossip, and will listen to unintelligent gossip because of the hidden useful gems it produces. She prefers to participate in intelligent conversation and gossip. She’s not interested in geometry and science for geometry and science, but has a vested interest in who is doing what in the field, because of the information’s potential use in her plots. She enjoys the gossip because the knowledge it brings, and makes her feel powerful. She enjoys using the knowledge to manipulate herself and Hyde into a better position, or to indebt or tie others to them both. She doesn’t keep her and manipulations from Hyde, they tend to conspire. In fact, she dislikes everyone but Hyde, because she feels she cannot trust their intentions, that they may have dangerous hidden motives. She also is insecure when it comes to Hyde, which is why she tries so hard. He nearly did throw her away, when she first became plagued. She wants to prove her worth, to be useful. She may keep her plotting from him unintentionally, wanting to surprise him with her usefulness. She wants to make him, and herself, important, not for their actual status, but for the ties they hold. Rowan works hard to create and manipulate the ties between herself and Hyde, and others they can potentially use. She wants to raise Hyde’s status in society, and is trying to find him a position of power within the fellowship of mages in the form of a powerful patron, what she feels is a well established and honorable faction. She is more ruthless and direct with her ambitions than Hyde, who would rather use his influences to get shelter. Rowan is not afraid to have to get her hands dirty with things like deceptions and altering documents, Hyde would rather only plant suggestions. Rowan is not afraid to use her own abilities to defend them, while Hyde would seek shelter with one of his ties instead. It could be said that this makes Rowan a little rash.
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:35 am
Grimm name: Hyde Waylon
Age: 20
Region: Perhaps near Colwe or Anica?
Intended faction: It would be ideal if he is picked up by the fellowship of mages, or gets in with them, through a mentor, or a patron.
Occupation: Wandering Minstrel/Gleeman (Officially Bard Apprentice when asked by his betters, he will be considered a full bard when he finds his own place, or if he gains a large reputation if he never settles.)
Family: Hyde is a son in a bardic family (the Waylons); his grandfather (father’s side) is the patriarch, and retired. His father is bard for a country lord, having wanted to settle away from the cities. His mother tends the house and children while is father entertains and advises for the lord. Hyde has one older brother, who’s decided to take over when his father retires for the country lord. He’s thirty or so, and already had his traveling. He found he preferred the countryside like his father. Hyde also has one younger sister, who he dotes on. His other grandparents are dead. He has some distant cousins (The Clarkes) who are also bards, but have begun to lean more towards scribe work and live in the cities. Every now and then through the years they’ve sent their sons to each other to share any knowledge they’ve picked up, and to give them a taste of a different sort of life, as a sort of coming-of-age journey, after which they can choose to follow what they liked best, with the family’s blessings.
The Waylons are not the largest or most well known bardic family, because of their historical preference for more countryside environs. They are, however, well reputed to those who have heard of them, mostly other old bard families.
Appearance: Dark haired with freckles. If he actually gets a wash you'd see the hair is more of a light gold-brown rather than its current dark brown. The freckles on his face are real, not dirt, but they aren't strong or many, and may be missed. He wears average clothes for those of the lower class, but has sewn colorful ribbons on his sleeves to indicate his trade. His clothes are worn but well-kept; otherwise he wouldn’t be able to get into inns and other places to play if he looked like he could be carrying plague.
Personality: Hyde is willful, at least to his parents. He doesn't want to listen to commands from his father. However, he is willing to bend, or at least put on a 'mask', for anyone with ‘power’ to earn their favor. He will bow and scrape for anyone that could potentially further him. He likes to think he's clever enough to try to play to the ego of the upper classes needs, and wants. He is intelligent, but not knowledgeable of the world beyond what he’s been told. While it is hard work, he’s intelligent enough to find farm work and manual labor tedious because it’s not the most mentally challenging. Hyde is caring though, or more naïve. He has a softer spot for animals and children, and usually thinks the better of everyone, even those he does know the dirty secrets of. Some part of him just keeps him from completely registering that that person, there, poisoned his rival to get his position. Instead some unconscious Hyde might think “he can’t be that bad, really...” He is ambitious, and wants to build his own future, better than where he's come from. He wants a place in the upper echelons of society. He wants to know what goes on and how the politics work. He's gotten a taste of it with what he’s been taught. Hyde has learned to be frugal, and to save his money. He’s also learned how to pick up a little in tavern and inn games by watching older bards, but he's still not the best at it. He'll be better with more practice. Hyde is a bit more skeptical and careful of others directly, he's distrusting, but he hides it. He is careful of thieves and Conmen. A gleeman, or a bard, has to be smiling and appear happy, or at least put on a good show. No one would come to see a performer that's intimidating or glowering. He's good at acting how others wish to see him. Why? Because that way they underestimate him as someone they can use. He enjoys this ruse, because it allows him to manipulate others instead, from making someone smile, to influencing their actions subtly. He gets a thrill from it.
History & Plans: Hyde was born second son of the Waylons, an old bardic family that, while not well renowned, are known to other bards as at least solid honorable people. Being a bardic family, Hyde was sat down nearby during performances by his father and told to watch and listen. Hyde’s training began this way, gradually. By age five he began to learn to make his own instrument, a flute, because for any tradesman, they must learn the tools of their trade before their use. After he managed to make a flute that sounded correctly, even if it wasn’t the loveliest thing, he was allowed to learn to play. At age ten, his brother went away for his rite of passage to full bardship, a journey to find his own patron. He lost a sibling, but he also gained one. His mother had his younger sister. Hyde was entranced by her tininess, rather than jealous of lost attention, and used her to replace the sudden gap around the house that his familiar brother had filled. He liked to entertain her as he practiced his recitations or stories his father and grandfather had taught him. He didn’t lavish her or dote on her no, but he does love his little sister. At this age his father started to introduce him to the intricacies of court life, and intonations of voice. Hyde soaked it up like dry ground. The increased complexity of the courts of the higher factions compared to the almost mind numbing calm of the court of the country lord where he grew up. At nineteen his brother returned, with a happy family reunion, but with sad news. He hadn’t managed to find a patron, and he was weary of wandering. He hadn’t enjoyed his time in the courts, had found the intrigue tiring. He just wanted to tell his stories. Hyde’s father though, was beginning to wish for retirement. His fingers ached with age, and he offered his first son his own position as bard to the country lord’s court. Hyde however, was feeling stifled. He longed for the political maneuverings that tired his father and brother. He pestered his brother with questions of the world outside, excited for his own upcoming rite of passage. His little sister now ten transferred her attentions to the worldly older brother she’d never known, and Hyde was left bored. He was restless at his final lessons, really reviews. He’d learned what he could here, and he wanted to move on, to see the world. On his twentieth birthday he parted from his family. Despite his anticipation for leaving, he was sad to leave his little sister, and mother, but a little happier to have time away from his older brother, who had been getting more and more stifling. His father presented him with one last gift before he left, a small lap harp, a sign of his training completion and for use in the upper class venues. He hid his tears at parting behind a smile, and promised to write if he found a place. He left, a small pack on his back with a few clothes, the harp in its case tied to the pack, and his trusty first flute in his pocket. He left in search of a future. He left in search of more. He left to really build the name of the Waylons into one of renown. Again, Hyde wants to be the bard entertaining at events for important people. He wants those shadow ties to said important people, through favors and knowledge of secrets. He wants to play the very dangerous game of shadow politics, without really knowing the depths of danger it involves. He probably won't, until it's too late.
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:47 pm
Thank you all for taking the time to come and look at my pair here, for whatever reason you do. Your interest and time is greatly appreciated.
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:49 pm
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:49 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 9:09 pm
Tee hee hee I really like Hyde but I guess its cause I'm very partial to farmers *stares at Sizwe*
- The main thing here is that Hyde's personality seems to be too short! Why is he willfull to only his parents? How does he 'bow and scrape' for anyone that seems to wield power? What is he actually thinking when he is doing this? I like the dynamic you put of him being 'intelligent, but not knowledgeable of the world'. That's a pretty good balance~ What kind of future is he trying to make for himself? Does he want to be a bard for the royal court? etc etc. Just make sure to expand his personality! - Since Hyde is a minstrel/bard, is he also a poet? Does he ever compose his own songs and poems? If so, where did he learn to read and write? Coming from a farmer family, it is generally assumed that one is illiterate, would 'Alder' have bothered to teach him to read and write? - I rather like his history! I like that 'Alder' hoodwinked Hyde like that! Poor kid! I hope he pulls through and makes a name for himself!
Plague - For your item history, make sure to add in how the item got plagued! - Also like Hyde, Rowan's personality also needs to be developed! Since she's open, is she frank and to the point? Is she unable to tell lies, whereas Hyde keeps his true intentions hidden? Does Rowan try to change this about Hyde, and tries to persuade him to show the world his true personality? Discuss their interactions more, do they argue, or do they have a soft spot for one another etc etc?
For more in-depth information, you should check out kota's quest advice and worldbuilding info thread! It's very helpful with a lot of information about PD's world condensed into one thread! It should also answer most questions that you have about your character! If you have any other questions, you can always shoot me a PM!
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 7:57 am
Geko pretty much covered everything I wanted to critique, but I do have one thing of note that she didn't cover too much.
Your Plague's personality DOES need to be fleshed out, however I am not favorable to the idea that Rowan is Hyde's EXACT opposite in every way. This makes her feel less like her own, individual person and more like Hyde's magical talking flute sidekick. The second fiddle to the Grimm, to keep things in groan-worthy musical terms.
What you've done right now is made Rowan and Hyde foils. Foils aren't bad things, many classic character duos are foils to one another, but you should know that PD already has quite a few Grimm/Plague foils as it is! If you want to stick with a foil for your pair, that's your choice, but it might be the thing that keeps you from winning since it's rather old hat by now.
What I think you should do - if you don't get rid of the foil - is most definitely get rid of the whole 'Rowan is her Grimm's EXACT opposite' thing. Like I said before, that makes her seem like she's not her own person and as a former judge for PD and a present judge for another RP-required shop, I know that would turn me off immediately when I got to reading it. Show the judges what makes Rowan unique from her Grimm! Sure they can both share traits or have opposite traits, but focus on what makes her differ from Hyde. Remember, characters aren't all just similarities and opposites!
That being said, and with Geko covering everything else, I think you have good groundwork. All you need is to flesh it out! A bard and a musical instrument Plague are two things PD has never had before, so I bet you've already got a brownie point for uniqueness!
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