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 Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:14 pm
Rosana Sparrowfell and Valerian
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[01] Intro // [02] Rosana // [03] Valerian // [04] Prompt
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:20 pm
- -- -- -- --- --- --- The Grimm
rosana
Name: Rosana Sparrowfell
Age: 23
Region: Though she travels a bit between towns, she never leaves the Shyregoed area, more specifically Anica.
Intended Faction: Fellowship of the Mages
Occupation: Officially, a scribe copying scrolls for the Fellowship and apprentice to wind mage Lucy Greyfield.
Family: In trade, the Sparrowfell family raises birds of various types, from songbirds to raptors, out in the chilly northern countryside. Though the land is not good for farming, it is remote enough and wild enough that the sprawling acres make a wonderful place to raise and train birds for hunting and companionship. Crispin Sparrowfell and his wife Elle, born Chaplain -- were a marriage of equals, creating one strong house with two minor titles in it, as Crispin was the second son of the Sparrowfell family and Elle the second daughter of the Chaplains. No one contested it, and in fact, two people were terribly pleased by the idea.
Lucy Greyfield, an older wind mage, had been a friend of Crispin's grandmother, who had been a low-level mage in her own right before her untimely death. When Crispin's mother, Lisette, gave birth to her second son, they chose Lucy, a strong, capable woman, to be his godmother -- this ensured that her son would have the best possible chance in the case that they passed away. She considered this to be a great honor, and treated Crispin as if he were her own grandchild -- he was her favorite, and though she is stern, she has always spoiled him to the best of her considerable ability.
This dovetailed delightfully with Lucy's own personal agenda. A scheming matchmaker, as soon as Crispin came of age to be considering marriage, she began to speak with her long-time platonic partner, Orris Chaplain. Orris was a strong earth mage with Council affiliations, the grandfather of a young woman by the name of Elle. Between them both, they schemed and plotted to put their young proteges together. Though both Orris and Lucy were widowed, neither cared to remarry, though everyone thought they ought to -- instead, they pushed and prodded godson and granddaughter. In the end, Crispin and Elle were married out of mutual respect and affection, and from their union came a brood of four children. The two eldest were sons, William and James, set to inherit the family's work, the middle child was Rosana, and the youngest, their mother's pet, was named Brielle. With their combined acquaintances in both the Fellowship and the Council, as well as in the nobility, they have plenty of sales base for their birds, whether they're working birds, aviary pets, or sacrifice fodder.
Though the Sparrowfell estate is not overly moneyed, they are not in dire straits. The recent troubles have hit them as hard as anyone else, but they consider themselves lucky to be a bit out of the way from others. However, they retain a modest library, a well-stocked aviary and falconry mews, and their home, which is large enough to easily contain all of them.
Appearance: Rosana is tall for a woman, and slim as a rail. Pale, freckled, and slight, the most impressive thing about this young lady is the heavy hip-length braid of vibrant ginger-blond hair, thick as a man's wrist, that hangs over one shoulder. Being a scribe is not overly conducive to beauty sleep, though, and so most of the time her green-grey eyes are ringed with deep dark circles. Most often, however, she is smiling, and the overall effect is rather charming. Her style of dress is typically rather bland when she is working, wrapped in heavy robes against the damp chill inside the stone walls of her place of work -- but when she is out and about, she prefers to dress in the brightest colors she can afford, though often that includes patches that don't entirely match.
Personality: Even in these dark days, Rosana Sparrowfell is a bright, warm presence. Though her job is long and dull, she finds herself often daydreaming of brighter things, and she enjoys escaping into a good book. Her imagination is keen, and she often tells herself stories in her head while she works, making up characters of her own to populate the world inside her head -- that was a gift her mother gave her. Sometimes she thinks of Valerian, lonely and missing his mobile clever face and his long nose and his gentle hands, and then she becomes sad for a time, though it's usually brief. In her imagination he was supposed to take her away and raise her in luxury, surrounded by soft things and books, and despite herself she still resents the ill fortune that took him away from her. Still, happy or not herself, she does her best to make everyone else around her happy by telling stories. Her tendencies toward escapism can also manifest in a sort of willful naivete. If Rosana feels that the romance and the artistry of it all are great enough, she can and will ignore clear signs that not all is as it seems in order to maintain the facade. She likes the idea of being the star in her own personal fairy story. This can make her unfortunately prone to being taken advantage of if she isn't careful. Sometimes, she thinks, it's worth it.
Her skills lie in art, and as such, she is a consummate artist. If the copying work didn't involve enough creative license to make something beautiful, she'd simply have to find something that satisfied her creative drive, at all costs. Her other major hobby is sewing -- she's gotten very good at patching her dresses with the remnants of older dresses, so her wardrobe is typically patched with colors that don't always match, but she'd swear they're lovely. Money is not so much a problem, but she prefers to save when she can, and to spend her allowances elsewhere, on fine inks especially. This causes some to call her taste into question, but she'll hear none of it. Stubborn to the last, she doesn't change her mind easily, or her opinion -- even if it's wrong.
Competent and clever in her work, though, Rosana has a snarky, quick wit and a sense of humor to match. It's grown a bit more dry of late, but she still laughs willingly, if a little hollowly -- and in time, she will gain mastery over her old smile.
However, mixed in with the rest are a few negative things. Her bright, quick wit, when pressed just wrong, turns sour and a little barbed. She can be snappish with people she considers foolish or dull -- but it's most prevalent when people bother her during her work. If Rosana seems engaged in something, be it writing or sewing, it's best to avoid surprising her, unless you want to be snapped at. If you -do- happen to be so unlucky, it's a sad fact that she's highly unlikely to give you a straight answer to any question then.
Sarcasm is both a defense and offense, but she only really uses it in a fit of pique... which is, unfortunately, relatively often if she's among people a lot. The red in her hair is warning enough to some of the temper she can have when provoked. When her buttons are pressed, her temper goes up as quick as fire to black powder, and just as destructively. Fortunately, it also burns out just as quickly, and once she's calmed herself, Rosana is left in the aftermath, wondering what exactly just happened. It's happened before, and despite her best attempts to patch things up, she's lost a friend or two to it. Still, it's rare -- for the most part her general disposition is positive. She is mostly a pleasant, creative soul, if slightly eccentric!
As far as fears and motivations go, Rosana is -terrified- of the dark, most especially when she's alone. She absolutely will not go into a dark room alone -- and if her candle runs out while she's preoccupied with artwork, she'll panic trying to get it relit! The part of her that has some common sense tells her that there is nothing there in the dark that isn't in the light -- but her imagination is so keen that it conjures ghosts and monsters in the shadows, plague-demons and horrors in every corner. A good bit of her disposable income is spent on buying candles to keep her room well-lit, though she wouldn't admit it even if cornered about it. With companionship, though, it's a little easier to deal with -- everything is easier to deal with when she's not alone. Typically, she can forestall her fears when she's deeply engrossed in something, but without something to work on she often seeks out friends and companions. Anyone will do in a pinch, but when Rosana makes a bond with someone, she'll do anything to keep up with it. She loves deeply and passionately, and though she may have her failings, fickleness is not among them. For those she loves, nothing is too much to give.
History: Raised in the country by her mother and father, Rosana knew from a relatively young age that she simply didn't fit in with the simple lifestyle her family preferred to keep up. They were not a poor family, as things go; she and her siblings were taught to read and write, histories and some small amount of sciences, as it was necessary to keep sums and notes on their craft -- to weigh the birds, to note sizes and preferences, and to keep track of money spent versus income. However, of the Sparrowfell children, only Rosana took to it like a duck to water. From the age that she was old enough to understand them, her mother filled her ears with tales and stories, adaptations of depressiong old lore and fiction meant to lull Rosana to sleep -- but it did the exact opposite. The stirring concepts filled the girl's head to bursting with new ideas of glittering nobles and city-bred lives full of social niceties, a far cry from her own isolated life. Before too long, she had devoured the supply of books on the farm, and was hungry for more. Besides, books on the raising and slaughtering of fowl didn't much suit her. She much preferred more intellectual fare and things that sparked her creativity, and would spend any free time she could snatch from between hours of work inventing elaborate fantasies and daydreams, populating the empty hours with vivid imaginary characters and their lives with childish ideas of what life must be like for those living in more populated areas. Romance fascinated her -- not just love, but the tragic sides of things as well.
When Rosana was sixteen, she accompanied her father on a short trip into the nearest city to deliver a crate of doves to the mages living there. She managed to avoid getting herself into any trouble, but her experience with the bustling, busy city life was unforgettable. It was during this trip that she first met Valerian, the thief that stole her heart. While her father was busy in the market purchasing goods for the long winter, Valerian approached Rosana cautiously. Though the man was usually among the best pickpockets, it just so happened that she turned around to face him before he could slip a gloved hand into her purse. Ever the dissembler, the tall and handsome Valerian came up with the most charming, if not entirely -true-, story of instant fascination, which he told with great zeal: he had seen her across the way, and oh but she was beautiful! He had never seen anyone quite like her, and she was smitten almost immediately with the kind of innocent, girlish puppy love that burns hard and fast and fades soon into a more mellow attraction and receptiveness to flirting. However, on this meeting, he made off with two coins and the heart, metaphorically speaking, of a young woman. They met once more in the city before the end of Rosana's visit, this time purposefully, and the tall, slender thief soon came to a real appreciation of her he hadn't had in their previous meeting: they were alike, in some senses. He had a fierce craving for knowledge and experience, and so did she -- they just took different shapes.
Before she left the city, the thief slipped a small gift into her bag: a slender silver ring, just a simple bauble for her finger, and Rosana wore it faithfully without really thinking too much about why. Two more visits passed, every two years, and with them came quiet, clandestine late-night meetings through the window of her rented room, in which they discussed their successes and failures. Valerian never quite came out exactly to tell the young woman exactly what he did. The older Rosana grew, the more sure she became that Valerian was indeed something very special to her. When she turned twenty-two, however, she decided to go with her father once more, and to stay once she got there. Crispin Sparrowfell arranged work for her and reluctantly left his daughter living with his godmother, Lucy Greyfield.
For a couple of years, Rosana worked with Lucy, copying old scrolls onto fresh parchment to preserve the old spells and knowledge they contained. Though she could write and had some talent in eyeballing things, she also studied the older scrolls to make sure she was doing it correctly. Some measuring made it fairly clear that it would be a good idea to do so rather than eyeball, to make the finished pages neater and better proportioned in the final product. She learned some magic during this time -- in trade for her work, Lucy would teach her about magic, how it worked, why, and gradually Rosana began to develop a small repertoire. A clever girl and a quick study, she devoured the lessons like sweets, enjoying the learning for its own sake as much as she enjoyed the idea of advancement in such a fascinating craft. The idea of becoming someone powerful sparked some ambition in her, making her study harder, and eventually she began to consider the idea of it as an art greater than anything she could have achieved as a simple scribe. It was wonderful, and a more eager student would have been hard to find. However, Lucy could only teach her the basics to start with -- much as she was well-experienced, there were others out there who could teach her better, and she wasn't overly attached to Rosana yet. Still, there was more than enough for Rosana to learn and master before she ever decided who to move to next for refinement of her specialty areas.
Every night after lessons, though, she would meet with her beloved. Their relationship, though she didn't think much of it, was a little one-sided. It would have been easier for Valerian to simply slip away and avoid furthering their affections once Rosana moved into the city; having her there was something of a liability to his rule of keeping work separate from play. But if he laid the romance on thick, even thicker than the affection he actually felt, she could easily be a great asset to him. As charming as she was and as pleasant as her company was, he felt a little guilt, but since their close association only deepened his affection, he didn't feel so bad about it; it would have been worse if he'd been able to treat her with dispassion. Rosana learned more about him, too, during this time. It was only near the end of their first year together that he finally gave her some idea of what he actually did, other than vague and absent hints.
The thief's livelihood relied heavily on the petty squabbles of nobles -- one noble would hire him to steal this correspondence from that one, or to reclaim a piece of jewelry lost in a bet. If one knew where to look, though, one could find people who would pay handsomely for news of whose political loyalties lie with who, or who was being unfaithful to their wife, or whose wife was with child for a stablehand without her husband's knowledge. Gathering this knowledge often required a bit of housebreaking, though, and while he was there he occasionally nicked something here or there for profit's sake. Rarely would he take anything that anyone would miss. He was always careful to keep his public persona separate from the persona he used in spreading his intrigues, even going so far as going through several trusted proxies and doing so in disguises. A talented actor, Valerian was able to disguise his voice and features with hand-sewn costumes, cloaks and hats and paint when needed, to play roles and keep work separate from the rest of his life, in which he was a very minor noble of no real consequence that people considered rather useless and morally dissipated. Still, as a result of that, people often said things in his presence that they might not have said in front of someone with more political clout, and sometimes it was too tantalizing to resist...
Knowing only a little of this despite mining Valerian for information, occasionally Rosana would forge and copy letters for him without asking too much what they were about. She was talented enough and obscure enough, since she didn't forge for anyone else, that Valerian thought they could get away with it, and they did -- even if they had tried, how could they follow handprinted letters back to her? There was no proof, and she copied nothing that would have done worse than perhaps cause a little scandal here or there. As busy as she was, Rosana rarely saw these scandals and squabbles playing out, though. If she had, perhaps the romance of the idea would have worn away more quickly -- but as it stood, she missed most of it, and did not think overmuch about the idea. Noble though she might be, she simply didn't empathize with city dwellers as well as she might have if she'd been raised among them. Besides, helping Val made Rosana feel useful, and he fascinated her -- she loved him for his cleverness and for the fascinating stories he told, of close scrapes during social situations and of nobles who moved in circles far above her head who thought they were above the law of the land. He made her feel connected to a world she did not often get to move in, and in turn, she helped to keep his feet on the ground and to still him when he had too many irons in too many fires -- she would help him to arrange his thoughts and plans in a sensible, doable manner.
Outside of Valerian, though, most of Rosana's life was buried in study and work. She did make a few acquaintances, mostly her inkmaker, Merlion [see Patmos of Endtimes' quest]. They became relatively good friends, and she enjoys testing things out for him when necessary -- and she often brings tea and sweets when she visits. However, beyond oblique references to someone special, she never really spoke of Valerian to him or anyone else. However, Lucy suspected that Rosana had 'a young man', especially considering how she reacts when questioned about her love life. She thinks it's Merlion, but she wouldn't dare say anything -- after all, a lady's heart is her own matter, after all.
However, near the middle of the fourth year, one night when the moon was high and full and golden, he would not come to her window and climb inside as he had done before. Beneath a heavy cloak, Valerian's shape was bent and hunched, and he sounded like hoarse, wheezing death as he bent to lay a gift out on the cobbles. He did not explain even when she demanded in, but bade her the most muffled and sad good night, and told Rosana to stay inside until he had gone. She did as she was told, and when she emerged to pick up the package, she brought them inside to examine.
Inside was a note, explaining that Valerian would not be coming back, that he too had fallen ill. He assured her that she was loved, and that she would be his last thought. As she wept, she unwrapped the last gift, and out tumbled a beautiful, white quill, lovely and pale and soft as silk, with a golden-tipped nib. The pretty pale feather had thick, black spots all over it, as if ink had stained it...
Once the reality of her loss sank in, Rosana found herself withdrawing into her studies. For perhaps a month, she did not leave Lucy's home, and she did not speak overmuch. Even the few friends she had made could not jolly her out of her sudden sadness, and no one quite understood why, though her employer guessed at it, assuming quite correctly that her dreamy-headed charge had lost someone she loved. She did not press, but simply briskly urged Rosana deeper into her schooling to make up for the loss. During this time, the two of them bonded somewhat -- the older woman opened her heart to Rosana, and they had several long talks over hot cups of tea. Rosana did admit to Lucy that there had been a man, and that he had died of plague. But since Rosana was well, Lucy did not fuss, only commiserated with her grieving As a result of her mentor's efforts, it seemed like soon enough she began to come out of it. It seemed like the more she studied, the better the sadness got, and so she worked hard at it, and soon began to return to something resembling her old social life. Every third day, she began to make her regular visits again -- it felt good to get back into her rhythm.
While Rosana feels that in a sense, meeting Valerian and becoming involved with him was the beginning of her adult life, losing him will not be the end of it. After a period of grieving and aimlessness, she came down onto her feet. At least without him to distract her, she can pursue other things. From her mentor, she has gained a considerable amount of knowledge on the basics of magic. She even, when it was practical to do so, has recently attempted some of the more minor things listed in the scrolls she copied, and found that she could do some of them -- and of course, her natural interest in art makes her very interested in learning magic from the ground up, to find ways to use her talent for it in creative ways, to make something beautiful. Fortunately, Lucy's talents lay in wind magic, and she has access to her grandfather's tutoring as well -- so she intends to work hard to learn illusions and artificing. Still, she's got a good ways to go in her studies before that's an option -- but as stubborn as she is, she'll never give up, especially with her little plague at her side.
Plans: I intend to have her work her way up into the Fellowship via her contact, doing copying and scribing work. I'd like to have her continue to progress further with her magic learning, and I'd like to find another person perhaps to study with her, or to tutor her?
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:25 pm
- -- -- -- --- --- --- The Plague
valerian
Name: Valerian
Item: Gold-nibbed white quill pen, made from the flight feather of a swan. The golden nib on it has been engraved, and carries traces of deep scarlet ink from many prior uses.
Gender: Male
Item History: Before the thief Valerian stole it, this quill pen belonged to a nobleman, once deeply involved in political intrigue, who had been stricken with plague he received from his mistress. The pen was stolen alongside three heavy gold signet rings and a sheaf of papers that he'd intended to ask Rosana to copy down for him. It was in the noble's house that Valerian caught the plague, and the item carried that dark influence with it as he handled it lying in his bed before bringing it to his love as a final goodbye. (See notes!)
Personality: In some senses of the word, Valerian has inherited the inquisitive desires of both his grimm and his namesake. A consummate researcher, scholar and scientist, the little plague is fascinated with learning and studying. He wants to know everything there is to know about the world in a scientific sense, to find out what makes it tick. Unlike some others of his sort, Valerian's fierce curiosity and drive to discover manifests as a constant desire to research and experiment, to take notes on the results, and to find out the why of things. Understanding things in an empirical manner is his desire -- and Valerian won't stop researching and making his own educated guesses until he feels he's got a comprehensive grasp of the entire situation at hand. Though all of the fields studying human reactions and thoughts fascinate him, most of his hypotheses are based off of his own experiments and observations. There isn't much out there for him to read on the subject, and if there was, he'd devour it voraciously. As it stands, though, in his youth most of the information is not available to him, so he has to make do with planning in the long term to get at it... once he realizes it's there, of course. In the meantime, his pet area of study is magic, more specifically the use of it, and how it affects the personalities and actions of its users. He'd like to know how and why magic works, in the end, but he's aware that's a big task. Dividing it into bits and pieces makes it more manageable. He has no shortage of mages to look at, though, being surrounded by them at every turn -- and he can do one better than that, even: his own grimm is working her way through magical studies, and so he can study Rosana, too, in even better depth than anyone else! She is marginally aware of his eyes on her, but the idea of being studied would not overly bother her. Others would probably be less pleased, but Valerian's observation is not harmful, or even overly intrusive. It can be a little bit manipulative, though!
Though usually his active pursuit is limited to one subject at a time, making him seem very straightforward and single-minded, he is not at all above enjoying the accidental bits and pieces of knowledge that he comes by on accident. These things he lines the edges of his experiences with like a magpie with a nest full of shiny objects -- he keeps notes with him at all times, so that he doesn't lose anything. Though Valerian has a relatively good memory, he will take scribbled notes on scraps of parchment, and will then ask Rosana to help him properly note down his findings once he has a good idea of his conclusion. When he's running his experiments, he follows the scientific method faithfully, noting every variable -- from hypothesis to test to conclusion.
Without Rosana, though, Valerian would run up against some very hard times. He is very faithful to her, and although they have separate goals, he does support her in hers for now, with as much as he can. Eventually he may further his own, but for now, he recognizes there is very little he could do without her help. Unconsciously, some of his feelings for her mirror Valerian the thief's -- he adores her, but the analytical part of him sees her as a great asset to his own cause, especially considering she is his number one subject of study. Study or not, though, she is his 'home base', the person to whom he returns when the results of his experiments don't make sense to him; in her company, he feels he can think more clearly. Fortunately, with his grimm safely sequestered away in her quarters either scribing or studying the vast majority of time, Valerian has plenty of time to do his exploring and experimenting with relatively low risk of her not being there when he needs her.
Driven so by his desire for knowledge, though, his sense of morality can get a bit confused, and he needs Rosana to remind him what's right and good. He is not ever actively sadistic or cruel, and he does not take pleasure in causing pain, but if it is necessary to further his experiment, he will not hesitate to forge ahead unless someone questions it -- though it may seem cruel, he is simply not taking into account others' emotions, as if nothing matters more than gathering the knowledge he desires so much. While the ends often justify the means for Valerian, he will eventually come to be able to regulate himself better once he has a better understanding of people, psychology, and morality as subjects.
When Valerian is with others, he at first can come off as a little cool towards them. He doesn't really engage fully with people until they really catch his interest. He treats both humans and other plagues with the same scientific detachment, seeing them first as data. It takes a bit for anyone to get through that to see the proud, confident creature underneath. As curious and scientific-minded as he is, that's not all there is to him. He doesn't trust people with his real opinions on things unless those opinions are based on incontrovertible fact. When those opinions are something he can back up without a shadow of a doubt, he can get a little aggressive. Like the swan his quill was made of, he is very self-assured and a little vain, especially where his appearance and knowledge are concerned. The fastest way to his heart, such as it may be, is directly through complimenting him on his amassed knowledge. Much as he might suspect that he was being manipulated, he simply can't resist preening a little over it. This, of course, effectively breaks his detachment and predisposes him to like the complimenter. He would consider it a weakness, if he ever thought hard enough about it.
Despite his scholarly nature, this little plague is the furthest thing from the idea of the typical weak library-dweller. In all his pursuits, he is fearless, no matter how much Rosana fusses over him and warns him that he is very small in a large world. He's willing to take on anyone or anything he needs to, either to complete his work, or to protect his grimm. Nothing in the world is allowed to threaten her. In return, she considers him something very dear. He is her last memory of her beloved, and so she looks at her little plague as if he's a child, though he acts very little like one. She doesn't really understand him much, and she's not terribly motherly, but she does her very best for him, and in return, he does his best for her.
Though Valerian has strong emotions, he does his best to keep them in check. He'd rather examine his own motivations than fly into a rage -- it makes him curious, as does anything else. It's much the same when he encounters someone he simply cannot analyze -- when they don't fall into a pattern he expects, Val can get a bit hung up and confused, staring and flabbergasted. He won't give up, though -- just take a different tack. Sometimes, though, his emotions get the better of him. When things such as happiness, sadness, or anger overwhelm him, he sometimes doesn't know how to react. They are so far from logical that they confuse him -- they don't fit neatly into elegant little boxes, and as such, he is often helpless to do anything about them but let them run their course and try to minimize the 'damage'. Similarly, he doesn't understand others' strong emotions, either -- they simultaneously frighten and fascinate him, in a way that he can't quite bring himself to analyze too much, since they hit a bit close to home.
Though in the end, his mind is more scientifically oriented than his grimm's, Valerian fully supports Rosana's magical aspirations -- while they are together and he is small, he will eagerly follow her as far as she dare advance into the realm of the magical arts. If the opportunity arises when he has grown enough to be independent, he may work within the Fellowship, but correspond with the Council.
Note that I do NOT intend for Valerian and Rosana to be a couple! She would never consider him as a romantic partner -- but she does consider him at the least to be a gift from her lost beloved and at the greatest a child, and she'll do her best to see him reach his full potential.
Concept Ideas: I'd like to see Valerian done up in overlarge robes, perhaps -- a scholar, maybe even with glasses. I imagine him looking rather nonthreatening, with cream colors and warm browns and pleasant autumn-ish hues to emphasize the golden nib attached to the feather. A hint of scarlet to echo the old ink in the engravings might be interesting, too! Odds are he wouldn't look too out of place in a library full of students, except for his size and his attitude!
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:27 pm
- -- -- -- --- --- --- The Prompt
works of magic and science
[Will be filled soon!]
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:29 pm
- -- -- -- --- --- --- --- | --- --- --- --- -- -- -- -
Saved post! Finished and ready for crit!
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Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:32 pm
Hey PK! I really, really like your quest concept! Rosana's history pulls at my heart strings
- As for your Grimm, give a little more detail to her personality! She doesn't seem to have many flaws, and you could flesh out both negative and positive traits a little more.
- I am curious about Rosana's history with Valerian though, it seems like he maybe fell too suddenly in love with Rosana? I mean he was trying to pickpocket her and made a quick excuse as to why he would be behind her like that. Don't get me wrong though; its very lovely that he did fall in love with her that fast!
- Also with her history, most of Panymium is illiterate, and Rosana's family as you have said is not poor, but not the richest either. How could her father have gotten that many books, in the first place? It is rather hard to come by books in Panymium if one is not a wealthy noble.
- For your plague, like Rosana expand on his personality flaws a little more. He sounds really adorable though! But a little bit more flaws to balance him out.
- His item history is short, but its to the point which is good! You should make note to mention what bird the feather is from, so if you win, the artist will know what to draw it as!
- There is nothing wrong with your plague being named after Rosana's lost lover, but just keep in mind that there have been plague x grimm relationships in the past, and they haven't worked out too well...just make sure to specify their relationship and what makes their's unique from the other characters in the shop!
- Also remember that the excito's colors are related to the item's color, so from the item's appearance now, your excito would be white and gold, so the amber and scarlet tones don't really make sense.
Everything looks wonderful otherwise!
I hope this helped!
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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 2:10 pm
Thank you Geko ♥ Edits have been made to clear up those issues~
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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 5:17 pm
Hey Kitsune! Sorry that it took me awhile to get to this, but I'm ready with mint chocolate and a good cuppa joe.
Alrighty!
GRIMM
- Rosana feels like your stereotypical spitfire, which is what I'm mainly worried about. It's not too big of a deal since it's something that can be easily fixed with a bit of tweaking, and you definitely have enough good content for that to be possible. She has tons of potential and could potentially be a winner with a few adjustments. Many people write characters that are the embodiment of wit and guile, but if it's not exemplified in their history, it becomes hard for the judges to believe which is what mainly worries me. For example, I don't see instances where she outsmarted/outwitted anyone, nor early examples of her escapism. More coherence on this topic would be extremely helpful.
- It's not really a problem that I see specifically in your quest, since it's a thing that everyone forgets once in awhile. The personality section kind of gives the reader an account of what to expect of a character's actions throughout the history portion, which is what I don't really see much of. It feels like her entire life is centered around Valerian (which I feel was your intention) but could be improved with more explanation on his intrigue (like what made him so interesting personality-wise in addition to specific examples). It's clear to me that she's very taken with him, but even love has logistics to it, and as a clever woman, I'm suspecting that Rosana has her own assessments of this. You did, after all, write that she saw much of herself in him, but I'm really curious about what that entirely means!
- Additionally, it is a really good idea to explain Rosana's life outside of Valerian, because as all tragedies go, all tragedies pass. I understand that he's a crucial figure in her life, but the fact that he's a figure of her life and not the embodiment of it is really important to her character. Some explanation on this behalf would really strengthen her character and believability. But YE, Rosana/Valerian(the human) are my OTP so far waaa so cute. ; n ;
PLAGUE
- Valerian is really charming, but I would like to warn about personality traits since it's dangerously close to Hopkin's (the Illuminated Book plague). The main goal is to distinguish Valerian from the rest to ensure his uniqueness and charm, so thinking about tweaking that would really help pique the judges' interest. It's ok though, since I don't think you knew about that prior to writing this quest! Things like this happen all the time, haha. * V *;;
Other than that, I think you're doing well so far! Keep up the good work!
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knife effect Vice Captain
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