Welcome to Gaia! ::

The Plague Doctor

Back to Guilds

A guild for a dark fantasy B/C thread. 

 

Reply TENTATIVE CANDIDATES ❧ semi-customs and character approvals
[Q] A Widow and her Ladle [crits?]

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

robot kitten

Tipsy Pirate

PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 4:16 pm


Grimm

Editing still, but feel free to give me some ideas smile
Character name: Ameliama Cuire
Age: 28
Intended Faction:Obscuvian would be her faction. Though the fellowship is looking good. Will need help deciding this....
Quote:
A source of the Obscuvians' power can be credited to their oblates and widespread sanctuaries for widows and orphans. Obscuvian peoples are taught the core values of charity, as its ideals are based around repentance and deserving a rightful place in Paradise
(from X)
This too is a strong draw for her... but she's into magic... hmm....

Region: Which part of Panymium are they from? Where are they now?

Born and raised in Shyregoed, her parents and her lived and worked with a merchant caravan. While she enjoyed the mountains, Ameliama fell in love with the hilly wood lands of Imisus when her caravan traveled there. When she turned 20, Ameliama left the caravan and took a job as a cook in the capital of Ismisus. Then moved with her husband to to his hometown, a village in Ismisus

Appearance: Her skin is a lightly-tanned color with a smattering of freckles across her nose. Her hair is long and tousled, with a wavy and a slightly messy look to it; it is usually bound into a loose braid. Her eyes have an orange iris with gold flecks around the pupil. She has a long scar on her face from her chin up to her right temple. She wears a Kirtle(that's the word for it apparently.. or it could be called a cote)
She also usually has an apron on(rather like this). She usually does not wear anything on her head except a straw hat when she is traveling. Her clothes would be well used with some patches, but clean. She is not rich by any means, but the farm make enough for her and Naiser to get by.

Personality: She was once a warm and loving person; always helpful, willing to put in the extra effort, going out of her way to help someone and usually had a smile on her face. Warm and bubbly, she loved to cook and feed people. Her door was always open for anyone, even strangers. She tended to trust people until they proved themselves untrustworthy. While her family loved her, they were worried about her tendency to speak her mind and her bluntness. She would say what she wanted, when she wanted, to who she wanted, and would laugh if someone tried to shush her or tell her that it was dangerous. It was her mind and she would speak it! This made her family very worried that one day she would speak her mind to the wrong person and get hurt.

After her husband was attacked and crippled, her personality changed. Now she's a much more distrustful person towards those she does not know. She no longer goes out of her way to help strangers, unless there's something in it for her. She smiles only for her family these days, and scowls dis-trustingly at strangers. She still loves to cook, but she’ll only feed non-family if they are a child or known to her. She bares a hatred for bandits and those who hurt others fro gain, be it monetary gain or social gain. She considers mercenaries to be not much more than publicly funded bandits. One thing that hasn't changed is her blunt manner of speaking and how she will always speak her mind. Though these days she tends to be more rude and scathing then the friendly outgoing girl she once was.

Ameliama is obsessed with magic; she concentrates on two things in her studies, to get stronger so that no one will ever hurt a loved one in front of her again and to see if she can find a healing spell strong enough to heal her husband.

Towards her husband she is still warm and loving. She doesn't care that he can't feel his left side and that it is difficult for him to move some days, she still loves him to death. She's always there to help him and be his support. What she has always wanted though, is for a child. It is from this wish, and her sadness at her miscarriage that Mestolo is born.


History: Born and raised in the cold Shyregoed in the wagons of a merchant caravan, Amelia grew up happy and innocent. She enjoyed a quiet childhood and saw many different people and places. Her true joy in life was cooking; she could bake, grill, fry, and sauté anything. The expressions of delight from those who ate her food that was her favorite thing to see.

While her caravan was in Imisus, she fell in love with both a man and the place. Leaving her home caravan and bidding her family goodbye, Ameliama snagged a job as a cook in the well-known White Swan Inn in the capital Gadu. Her caravan master had helped to get her the job. Apparently his descriptions of her food was elegant enough to get her a chance to show the inn's master how good she actually was. Once she could show them her cooking, they were hooked. Ameliama was glad to have a place to stay, not having to camp every night and a hot bath everyday. The head cook was an older woman. She enjoyed having a skilled protegee like Ameliama to teach all her skills to.

Nearby lived and worked a mage who had taken to tinkering with science. His name was Naiser, and he was handsome enough in a rugged way. He usually came to eat at the White Swan for lunch, and Ameliama and him soon struck up a friendship, though her feelings were more than that of a friend. Ameilama was overjoyed their friendship blossomed into love, her warmth and good cooking had won him over. After a year of courtship, Ameliama married Naiser, and soon after they left for a small village near the border of Ismisus and Shyregoed where Naiser's family lived. His father was too old to run the family farm anymore, and all his siblings didn't want to leave their city jobs. When Ameliama learned of this, she told Naiser that she was willing to move, since it would mean a real house to live in instead of the room she rented near the inn. That and she was thinking of a family and how a farmhouse would have enough room for one. So they moved in with his dying father. Ameliama had no problem adjusting to country life, it was a pleasant mix of her old caravan life and newer city life. Naiser had more difficulty, but he soon got back into his childhood lifestyle.
Ameliama and Naiser had a happy life, though there where bad parts, like his father finally succumbing to old age, and a nasty storm that damaged their house. During winter, when they were snowed in, they would talk about their past, and Naiser would often bring out his magic and teach some of it to Ameliama . While it wasn't her greatest love, she did enjoy learning magic, and Naiser was an apt teacher.
After four years of marriage, Ameliama found out she was pregnant, adding even more joy to their lives.
It was at this time that bandits set up in the nearby woods. The village men got together with some retired guardsmen from the city to run them out. They almost succeeded... except for a wounded bandit who snuck away during the fight. The villagers were thrilled at their victory, until they noticed many of the dead bandits had signs of the plague. The bandit who had slunk away also carried the plague.

On a beautiful fall day a few days after the fight, Ameliama's happy life came crashing down. It was in the evening and Ameliama was cleaning her favorite wooden ladle, it’d been the first gift that Naiser had given her. It was her treasure: carved from oak, it was a deep brown and had a warm glow to it, Ameilama was sure Naiser had modified it his magic or science. While she was washing the dishes, Naiser was out chopping wood for their fire, which is how he was found by the wounded bandit. Hearing her husband’s cry, Ameliama rushed outside still holding her ladle. What she saw was the bandit standing over Naiser, who lay crumpled upon the ground a crossbow bolt lying partially stuck in his head. Unbeknownst to Ameilama, the bolt had only slightly penetrated his skull, not killing him yet.

Rage and despair filled her, and screaming she charged. She swung her ladle like a club, scratched, bit, anything; but her strength was no match for the taller, stronger male bandit. The man tried to subdue her, but then her ladle hit a wound from an earlier fight, causing it to bleed and stain the ladle. Having enough of this crazy woman, he began to hit back and hit back harder. Eventually he used his unloaded crossbow to hit her, which stunned her as the tip tore up the right side of her face. The bandit left her lying stunned next to her bleeding husband as he ran into their cottage to see if there was any valuables.

After a while, one villager came to ask a question of Naiser and found Ameliama crying as she cradled her fallen husband. Shocked at what had happened, the alarm was raised and many of the villagers went out to make sure there were no more bandits around. One of the older couples in the village took her in to watch over her while she and Naiser healed. Sometime the next day, Ameliama went into premature labor; the beating caused her baby to be miscarried. She had lost her unborn child and was deathly afraid that her husband would soon follow. The villagers also picked up her ladle: it was stained with blood that couldn't be washed away. They were going to throw it away, after all, you couldn't cook food with it anymore, but Ameliama begged them not to throw Naiser's gift away.

The following weeks were stressful and Ameliama never strayed from her wounded husbands side. While he would live, he would never be as capably as before. The blow to his head had damaged his brain, making it difficult to cast magic and he could no longer feel his left side. He could move his arm and leg, but only with some concentration and effort.


After Naiser had healed, they went back to her ransacked cottage and tried to restart their lives. Ameliama began to really learn magic from her husband. While he could no longer cast the spells himself, he could teach them to her. Perhaps there was a secret hidden among the many spell books on how to heal her husband.

Naiser began to re-learn how to farm and was able to keep the small farm alive, even though he was crippled and unable to do all the tasks he needed to. Ameliama stepped up and began to take on much of the work until Naiser was able to do it himself. She still works along side him, supporting him where he needs it.

Naiser often shakes his head at his stubborn wife, she wouldn't throw out the ladle he made for her as his first courting gift even though they couldn't get rid of the blood stain. She kept it hanging in the kitchen by the window.
When Mestolo was 'born' from the plagued ladle, Ameliama was overjoyed, a child! It may not be hers and Naiser's, but non the less, it was a child to call her own.
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 4:17 pm


Plague-- Still editing, but feel free to crit it

Name: Mestolo (ladle in Italian)
Gender: female
Item: Wooden Ladle (looks like this: X)
Personality: Likes to pound on things. Especially loud things.. with spoons..
She has retained some vague memories from when she was a ladle, and she feels like she's ... not clean enough to cook. Maybe one day she'll feel clean enough to do so. While she personally won't cook, she does enjoys helping/watching Ameliama in the kitchen. Watching Ameliama cook makes Mestolo happy, since it's a time of peace where it's like she's almost a ladle and clean again.
Loves to laugh and mock others, she also enjoys making noise and chaos... usually by stirring it up herself.
Despises bandits (usually extends this to any warrior that looks ratty.. like down-on-their-luck mercenaries), since they took her master/mother's smile away and made it so she, Mestolo, couldn't help cook anymore as a ladle.

She acts like a child.. a rather bratty and loud one. While she adores Ameliama, Mestolo doesn't like taking orders or following rules ... even when she knows that they're there for a reason.

Mestolo has a blunt manner of speech, learned from Ameliama... though Mestolo isn't as honest as Ameliama and is willing to lie if it lets her get out of punishment. She tends says mean things and goes into sulky pouts when Ameliama puts her foot down about certain rules. She also wants to enjoy herself and live life to the max. She's much more like the old Ameliama in that way, very boisterous and outgoing... just more snarky and has a tendency to pull mean pranks.
When she wants to do something, it gets done.

History: Naiser carved the original ladle from an oak branch, and afterwards he did (like Ameliama suspects) tamper with it magically. He wanted to give her a ladle that would never break or splinter. He gave the ladle as one of his wedding gifts to Ameliama. It did as he made it, it never broke, no matter what it was used for. Even though it should have snapped when Ameliama tried to use it to attack the bandit, it didn't. However, in that attack it came into contact with the plague. The bandit had the plague, and when Ameliama open up one of his wounds from and earlier fight, the ladle got splattered and stained with his diseased blood.
Soaked in his blood and in contact with Ameliama's despair and rage as she was beaten and left to bury her beloved, the plagued ladle became soaked in darkness. Its once warm brown color has darkened, black stains remain where the blood once was and no matter how much Ameliama cleans it, it won't go away. But she won't throw it away, not Naiser's wedding gift. So she keeps it attached to her belt. It's not clean enough to cook with, but it's one more thing that will ease the pain, for Ameliama feels like Naiser is still around when she carries it.

When Mestolo grows from her ladle form, Ameliama can't help but think of her as the child that she and Naiser would have had, the one that she ended up miscarrying because of the beating. As such, Mestolo is the only one who can make Ameliama smile these days, even if it's only a shadow of her past smiles.

Mestolo usually causes problems and chaos with her pranks, mostly for the attention she gets. And if it has an amusing or humiliating outcome, Ameliama usually smirks.. which just encourages Mestolo to greater pranks. She is one of Ameliama's few joys.

Concept Idea: ... no idea what this is supposed to be... but apparently we need it...

robot kitten

Tipsy Pirate


Gekokoko

Gekko

PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 12:37 pm


Hey Robot! Here is some crit that you have requested!

- Keep in mind that Panymium is set in medieval times! The kitchen knife you have is much too modern for this time. Instead you should look at knives like these. The article has more pictures of medieval knives you could look at.
- Also with the idea of a plagued knife, there are already three other sharp object weapons, such as Snoof's sword, Sodomy's hatchet, and the dagger that is being given away in this event. That might hurt your chances, so it wouldn't be a bad idea to perhaps switch it into something else, since there are already those three sharp object weapons.
- As for your grimm, you might want to rethink her over, especially if she's going to join the Mage faction since a noblewoman and her soldiers are the head of that faction...

Also another thing that you should look at is Kota's quest advice and worldbuilding info thread. It's basically everything you should and need to know about the world of Plague Doctor in one thread!
Hope this helped!
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 5:39 pm


OK, I'm just gonna list things that pop out to me really quickly here so you have time to read it over and go through edits before you have to write your prompt. Good luck to you and I hope this helps!

GRIMM-

Appearance: About her fiery eyes, as a note, while there are unusual eye colours in Panymium, there's nothing particularly unusual about having them. Orange eyes wouldn't necessarily stand out- the head of the Fellowship has them, even. It's best to avoid over-flowery language in your description in favour of giving us a functional description of the appearance of your Grimm. You don't really tell us her body type or even her hair colour. And where did she get her scar?

Personality:
Reading this, I feel I know hardly anything about Ameliama. In what way was she nice and warm? There are different ways to show kindness. Did she appreciate people? Was she kind to animals? Was she a cheerful worker? Was she open towards others? Explain how she was nice and what made her likeable and then tell us more than that. Yes she was nice, but what were her personality flaws? Everyone has at least something about them that other people don't like. Often this can be related to something that makes them pleasant, for instance someone who's friendly could also be a gossip and have trouble keeping secrets, or someone trustworthy could be harsh on others because they hold them up to their own high standards. Try to make her personality something that meshes well with her history. For instance, since she was raised in a Shyregoadian merchant caravan, does she have a good work ethic since there was probably a lot for everyone in the family to have to do?

Furthermore, after her husband was killed, what of her personality remained? Traumatic events can make people more cautious and distrustful, yes, but they're still essentially the same person underneath with the same tendencies and dispositions. Someone who survives a car crash may feel bitter at reckless drivers and get nervous in cars, but they won't usually change all their habits and act entirely differently. If she -has- changed a lot, you still need to go through what's changed and give us an idea of who she is now besides a vengeful cook. What is she outside of that? How does she treat others who've done her no wrong? What does she take pleasure in? What makes her nervous? What is she confident in and what isn't she confident in? What does she find interesting? What does she do to relax? If she isn't anything but a bitter vengeance machine she'll be difficult to roleplay with other characters, who need human traits to interact with.


History: Just so you're aware, there is law in Panymium, and it applies to everybody. A noblewoman couldn't kill Naiser just because he didn't fall in love with her, she'd be prosecuted as a murderer and furthermore she'd have to take rejection -ridiculously- poorly to risk her possessions and her confortable lifestyle just to punish a good looking commoner. Why would she do that? There are tons of good looking commoners, and it doesn't sound like she had a connection to Naiser that was more than superficial anyways. Even if she didn't mean to kill him, having a professional soldier kill someone accidentally is also really unlikely. Don't just create drama for the sake of drama, try to make it well grounded and realistic. Her history is also completely centered around her husband except for the little blurb at the beginning about her childhood. What else is there to her? How did she get interested in cooking? What was her life like in Imisus before she met Naiser? What was her reputation in the White Swan Inn and how did she adapt to Gadu after having traveled all her life? Did Naiser and Ameliama ever consider having children? Was Ameliama ever interested in Naiser's studies before he was killed? What did Naiser study? Expand and make her history less dependent on a single supporting character. Give her a life of her own.



PLAGUE-

Personality: Plagues that are blindly devoted to their Grimm's happiness are unfortunately a really common thing in quests/existing Plagues, so I would consider doing more to make her stand out. If she's like a child to Ameliama, is she at all self centered? A lot of children take their parents for granted rather than worry heavily about their well being- psychologically their minds are still developing so they're focused heavily on the self. I do like that she hits things with spoons, that's a really cute side detail, but the fact that she hinges so much on Ameliama makes her feel like a side character. She needs to feel like the main character and the way you indicate her growth development makes her entire plot centered not on herself but on her Grimm. How does she feel about people besides her Grimm? How does she deal with serious things since being a Plague is pretty dangerous in Panymium right now? How does she feel about being a Plague in general? What does she like besides pranks and making noise? What does she dislike? What is she afraid of? How does she treat others? Is she self confident? Anxious? Elaborate more and make her into a character whose personality doesn't hinge so heavily on her Grimm. Since she's a ladle enchanted to never break or splinter, is she overly obstinate? Does she keep her temper easily?

History: A plagued soldier would NOT have been a working soldier, I can assure you. There's no way he could have accomplished the tasks required of him if he was so sick with the Plague. Also, if Ameliama actually KILLED the soldiers, she would be charged with murder, or at least manslaughter, especially if she was walking around with the murder weapon attached to her belt. I also can't believe that Ameliama would have the strength or mental ability to beat anyone to death even if she was traumatized based on what you've shown us of her before her husband died.



CONCLUSION

Ameliama and Mestolo are cute but their history isn't believable and their personalities really need expanding and explaining. Please try to create a realistic scenario and keep in mind that you can't get away with killing in Panymium without consequences, especially if it's painfully obvious that you did it. Also, try to keep peoples' actions and motivations realistic and try to center these characters less on other people and let them stand out on their own. You have a good start, but you do have a lot of work ahead of you. If you keep working at it, I'm sure this can be a great quest though! If you need ideas, try thinking about what role you want your Grimm to have in her faction and how you want your Plague to develop over time, especially what you might like her anhelo growth plot to be. Knowing where you want to go can help you get there.

kotaline
Vice Captain

Deathly Darling


robot kitten

Tipsy Pirate

PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:49 pm


Finally getting around to this! I'll see what I can do to fix it Kotaline~

edit: Fixed the grimm's stuff and modified the plague. Go ahead and crit on both XD
PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 11:19 am


And edited it some more smile

what's a concept idea for the plague supposed to be?
hmm... maybe I should change the dead husband to one who is crippled....

robot kitten

Tipsy Pirate


kotaline
Vice Captain

Deathly Darling

PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 12:12 pm


The concept ideas are keywords and images you may have thought of re: your plague's design. however, semicustoms are not open at this time, so if you're hoping to win a plague in the sale we have going on you need to use the flatsale form in the event thread and fill out a form for either the oak tree or the golden laurel plague!
PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 12:21 pm


kotaline
The concept ideas are keywords and images you may have thought of re: your plague's design. however, semicustoms are not open at this time, so if you're hoping to win a plague in the sale we have going on you need to use the flatsale form in the event thread and fill out a form for either the oak tree or the golden laurel plague!

Is it okay to wait for a semi customs?
I can also change this for the oak flatsale! Hmm, you just gave me a real good idea....

robot kitten

Tipsy Pirate


kotaline
Vice Captain

Deathly Darling

PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 12:28 pm


robot kitten
kotaline
The concept ideas are keywords and images you may have thought of re: your plague's design. however, semicustoms are not open at this time, so if you're hoping to win a plague in the sale we have going on you need to use the flatsale form in the event thread and fill out a form for either the oak tree or the golden laurel plague!

Is it okay to wait for a semi customs?
I can also change this for the oak flatsale! Hmm, you just gave me a real good idea....
it's okay to wait but we aren't going to have a semicustom event again for a long time and the next semicustom event we have will charge the full semicustom fee.
PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 12:31 pm


kotaline
robot kitten
kotaline
The concept ideas are keywords and images you may have thought of re: your plague's design. however, semicustoms are not open at this time, so if you're hoping to win a plague in the sale we have going on you need to use the flatsale form in the event thread and fill out a form for either the oak tree or the golden laurel plague!

Is it okay to wait for a semi customs?
I can also change this for the oak flatsale! Hmm, you just gave me a real good idea....
it's okay to wait but we aren't going to have a semicustom event again for a long time and the next semicustom event we have will charge the full semicustom fee.

What is the fee btw? (so I can start saving in case I do not win wink )

I'm going to mess around with what I have here and then apply for the oak after I finish finalizing the idea I just got for it~

robot kitten

Tipsy Pirate


kotaline
Vice Captain

Deathly Darling

PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 6:33 pm


robot kitten

What is the fee btw? (so I can start saving in case I do not win wink )

I'm going to mess around with what I have here and then apply for the oak after I finish finalizing the idea I just got for it~
500k!

If you need help with the oak, I'd suggest talking to the manager of whichever faction you're going for! they should be able to provide detailed crit.
Reply
TENTATIVE CANDIDATES ❧ semi-customs and character approvals

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum