Rae_Bear
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about two months. I've never been this attracted to someone. Which is turning out to be pretty bad, I have no self control. at all. But especially when he trys to get me all turned on. He isn't a Virgin, but I am. He knows I don't want to go that far, and he doesn't push me into that, but he tries other things.
We did some things tonight that I feel quite ashamed of. How do I tell him how I feel without ticking him off.
I feel like HE should respect me enough to not push me into stuff like that. He knows the boundries, but he pushes them. And feeling the way I am at the momment I just can't say no.
What is your advice?
I get stuck into this whole thing where I want to make things workout with boyfriends. When really most people just dump guys when they don't workout right.
I know exactly where you're at right now.. my pastor calls it one of my fatal flaws, being unable to say no.
I get it. You hate confrontation. The words get stuck in your throat. You're afraid of what he'll do if you tell him to stop... and let's be honest here, we're all human. It's hard to exercise self control... also realize that it's hard for him to exercise self control.
Here's my few points of advice:
1. Every time you find yourself in a situation where you're tempted, remind yourself that it's NOT WORTH IT. Seriously. I thought it would be when I dated my last boyfriend. He was my first serious boyfriend, and he treated me like I was his forever... and even though I told him I wanted to wait, we ended up going ahead anyway. When he broke up with me... it was devastating, because of the physical relationship. I felt so... used. Like no boy would ever want me again because I was already jaded. I remember the first thing I said when he broke up with me was: "No Christian boys ever going to want me again. I'm used goods." It's not worth that pain. It's not worth how much it hurts when the break up comes around... even if you're convinced he's your forever, please please please, don't take that chance.
I realize now that Christian boys will want me still... one who really loves me. But I spent a lot of time hurting because of a physical relationship that wasn't necessary. It's not worth it.
2. Don't put yourself in a situation where you'll be tempted!! I used to sleep over at my boyfriends house all the time, and go to his house when none of his family was home, and it just put me in a situation where it was too hard to say no. The temptation was too much. Try to hang out with him in public, or when there are other people in the house. I understand the need for alone time... but until you can trust yourself to resist, and trust him to resist as well, it's best to stay away from alone and private.
3. Don't blame him unless you truly believe he's manipulating you. It takes two to tango. He's a guy... just like as you are tempted, so is he.
4. Forget the past, move onto the future. You might have made mistakes... but that gone now. God forgives you, and because of that you can forgive yourself and your boyfriend.
Good luck!
Love, Sarah.
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