First, an introduction of our D&D group.
I play Baqir, a Thri-Kreen tank. He takes the brunt of the damage, not always successfully. Has a camel familiar named Red. Was banished from his hive after his affair with the princess was discovered.
ninja D plays Perren, our elven cleric. He provides all the healing, as well as some very nice bowmanship. He has a horse familiar named Horse. History uncertain.
L plays Anselway, a soon to be retired striker fay. She has much the same job as Baqir, but L is getting bored of her and will soon switch to a mage.
(Absent) C plays Gracie, a dwarven... thing. He ranges, but involves a lot of chemicals and alcohol. He has a drake familiar named Pookie. None of us are entirely certain on their... 'relationship.'
(Absent) R plays Hedgemone, a dryad bard. she's looking for the human who chopped down her tree. When R left for college, it was decided that she was scared away by Baqir's pyromania when encountering a nest of spiders. (Absent)
Our DM is the guy who runs the game and controls the actions of the NPCs.
So we started off on the way to the battle, got ambushed by some tar devils, a dark adept and a couple rogues, and all was going find and dandy--we were getting our asses handed to us. Perren had started the encounter off by shooting a flaming arrow at one of the tar demons, but it was soon discovered that, like flaming zombies, this does more hard to us than to them. So I rolled low in trying to douse the flames, and only succeeded in dousing the grass. The first tar zombie was defeated and the battle closed in around me.
Then the DM decided to have the other tar zombie catch fire from the embers.
"Hold on," we says. "If there's enough fire to light him, then the adept and the rogue standing on the flames should get fire damage." Because we were that desperate. I was bloodied of course, but I never heal over being bloodied--because like Dharok, I deal extra damage when wounded. However, Perren's temporary hitpoints had been few and far between, as the adept showed a sliver of brains and immediately targeted our healer, completely ignoring me. Anselway was likewise getting bloodied from three sides.
All this of course, while a house blazed merrily nearby, the screams of the civvies we were meant to be saving echoing across the clearing. Both Perren and Anselway were too hemmed in to get to them, and since I play Baqir as inattentive (ie, stupid), he heard them but did not care, being too caught up in his berserker fury. DM was very consisted in keeping us up to date on how they were doing, though he didn't bother after the roof caved in. More on this later.
"There's just embers left on the ground," says the DM. "They're not enough to do fire damage."
"If they're not enough to do fire damage then they can't light the tar devil on fire," D and I shout in various levels of coherency.
"There's enough for him to catch fire."
"Hey now," says Perren, "if there's enough for him to catch fire then there's enough heat to do fire damage to the other two. Science!"
We soons descended into a ten-minute squabble where we alternatively shouted to have our arguements heard and gasped for breath with laughter. That is, the DM, D and I. L was just enjoying the drama.
"DM's wore is law," DM screams.
"Police state!" I shout. "Police state!"
We descend into another five minutes of bickering.
Eventually we were all too worn out to shout anymore, and the DM compromises by having the tree we're all standing under catch fire instead. We scrambled out into the clearing, and in the ensuing battle, end up in a conga line of combat advantage:
Whoo whoo! All aboard the idiot train!This being extremely stupid, Anselway quickly finishes off the bloodied rogue while Perren bloodies the adept from a safe distance and I start whaling on the tar devil. The rogue is ignored.
The tar devil finally falls, and Anselway and I turn on the adept, still ignoring the rogue. He is not, the DM stresses, shitting his pants, because we're all pretty bloodied.
I end up sacrificing a chance to heal (at 7 HP) in order to roll a natural twenty and lay 21 damage down on the b*****d. And then he kills me. Luckily, after Perren and Anselway finish of the adept, I get revived and boosted back up to just under my bloodied limit, leaving all three of us to take care of the final rogue.
I'm pretty sure he's shitting his pants now.Intermission! Here's a doodle I was working on admidst this battle:
and our trusty Companion Cube, always a sure-fire way to distract the DM while we talk tactics (especially when L's fiddling turns into the DM trying to make up an algorythym to make H's and I's:
And now back to your regularly scheduled bloodbath.
I attempt to 1-hit the d**k, but my damage roll was a 1, so Perren takes a shot... and misses. Anselway hits another 1. Perren hits a 2. And so on. And so forth. Until finally Perren takes him down.
We rejoice at finally finishing the encounter at the pitiful 4-hour mark, and swagger off to drink Gracie's alcohol stockpile while he's not here to guard it.
But not before I dig the charred bodies of the woman and kid out of the wreckage, Perren gently reposes them for later healing beyond his skill level, and Anselway leaves them in a neighbour's house with a kind note to please deliver them to a healer. Because while we're kind of pathetic adventurers, at least we're responsible. And by bringing them back, it almost certainly ensures that they will eventually turn into zombies, where we will step up and offer to dispatch them for a fee. It's not kindness, it's job security!
Then we cracked open the beers and started playing Settlers of Catan:
Reply
