The Mourning

[Subtle Antiquity]

Somber's journal,

Entry #1. (Written in both third and first, from his perspective, and the perspective of others.)

Hello.

Hello. He-llo. Everyone knows that word. It's very fun to say. I think....I think i like saying that. It's nice. Kind of like.....Kind of like that smell you get when you step outside and take in that foresty aroma? It's like that. Really nice. Yes.

Lately....I've been feeling really mucky. I...I always feel mucky. But this time it was special. It was almost as if someone had strings attached to my heart, and were constantly pulling at them. It's not a nice feeling. Then again....I don't exactly feel nice feelings, do i? It doesn't bother me. It's only....Different. I really have no opinion on it. That's normal. At least i think it is.

Hello.

Why do you think people say that? Why...Why don't they simply wave their hand at the person. Why do people wave their hands in the first place? Some people don't have arms.

It is possible, for humans not to have upper limbs, right? Humans are a complex species. I believe that growing an arm back is much easier.

Hell-o.

People say it differently, don't they? Some people could say, H-e-llo. Or...It could even be H-ello. People probably don't pronounce it the same way each time. Hello. That's what you say when you first encounter. Encounter what? I don't know. I know you say Hello, though.

The feeling you get when you first meet someone is strange. I think it is. I feel numb. Well, i always feel numb, but when i say Hello, i feel really numb. Like. Super numb. I don't have a problem with it. It's not a bad feeling, not at all.

Every hello ends with a goodbye. That sounds very true. But i don't want to say goodbye. I'll say Hello again. Because it doesn't make sense that you say hello, and wave goodbye. So, i'll say both Hello's. And i'll always say them. It's always nice to greet something. It makes them feel warm inside. I can't feel it, but i know. My mom told me that. Feeling warm is always a nice thing. I know i can't feel it, but that's okay. I'm used to it.  

[Subtle Antiquity]

Somber's journal.

Entry #2.

I Accept.

What i feel every single day of my life.......I have no opinion on it. I don't even believe i can put it in words. It's a constant tug and pull on my heart. It's a constant hole being messed with. It's a constant bruise, being dug into deeply. But at the same time. it feels cold. Like there's nothing in my chest. There's only a dark hole that seems to absorb all of the Sadness the world holds. The tears never stop. I find myself usually crying when i'm so lost in thought about this. I don't even know why....

And in my head. It's almost like there's sad piano constantly playing inside of it. And that music never chances. It repeats over and over again. Reminding me it's the same way with my emotions. That constant pain that throbs inside of you, and wont go away, not matter how much you scream, cry, or wait. Believe me. I've tried. I've waited over a million years for it to lighten up. And with each passing day, i can only feel the hole in my heart become larger.

I'm strong. I can hold myself alone, and deal with this. It doesn't bother me. It never has. And i hope it never will.

But i can't help but feel scared.

What i feel. It's not a nice feeling. It hurts. It hurts so much. Do you think i like having this feeling constantly eat away at my heart? I don't like making others feel misery. I don't. But.....There's nothing i can do. So, i've grown to accept this. I....I don't want anyone to ever feel what i feel every single day.

Happiness. I know it's a nice thing. It would be very nice if everyone could be happy. But....If are mourning, that's fine too. grief overcoming the world and taking over the world......It could happen. So easily. Mom says it could, but she tries hard to keep everything in balance. And i still can't help but be afraid. And when i do, my misery seems to....Become stronger. And i've learned there is nothing i can do about any of that. I can't change the world. I cannot turn back time.

So as the world's suffering, torment, and lament increases, i'll still be here. And i'll be ready to feel everyone's pain and misery. I'll be ready for as long as i live. And i'll be ready when the day comes that those people can finally feel happy. Because even though i can't feel that emotions or warmth, it know it is a nice feeling. And simply because i can't feel it, doesn't mean others shouldn't.