[9.19.13] Quest taken up again xxxxxxxxCrit Received from Kota! [12.9.13] 2nd Crit received from Kota! [3.11.14] Started revising Velius (I should really try to work on this more often. T.T)
Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 1:50 pm
The Keeper!
XXXCharacter name: Rennati Dubravko XXXAge: 22 XXXRegion: Afron, Mishkan XXXIntended Faction: Fellowhip of Mages XXXAppearance: A rather tall female at 5'6 with light brown hair. Glimpses of red and blond, even dark brown strands can be seen mixed in with the fairly general color. Her hair hangs just below her shoulders, when she leaves it down, she often pulls it back and ties it up out of her face so it doesn't hinder her while she works. Her skin holds a nice tan, but not overly so, bright sapphire eyes are the dominate feature of her face. Her hands show sign of intense wear from her trade.
XXXPersonality: Twenty-two year old Rennati Dubravko is a hardworking young woman. She does everything she can to help her parents out which includes helping her father with orders and her mother with the garden. She may even use her creativity and aptitude for the arts to make additional wares that the family can sell in their shop. Ren is a very diligent person, even with all of her energy she is always determined to finish something and have the focus to do so. When Rennati isn't helping one of them, she is normally with her best friend Amice. The two girls had been friends for most of their lives and spent much of their free time together. Rennati and Amice could often be found running around the port city of Afron flirting with the sailors they found cute, they were two giggly girls when that happened. Whereas Amice is more shy, Rennati is brave, often being the first one to talk to whichever hunky sailor they find that trip. Ren would do anything for her best friend, and Amice would be lucky to find someone as loyal as Rennati. Especially when she's around her best friend, Rennati is very energetic. She gets up at sunrise and goes past sundown always with energy to spare. It helps her with any and all work she helps with and gives her the energy to keep up with her best friend.
Rennati would do anything for her family and values her time with them very highly. She tries to spend as much time with them as she spends with her best friend. Her time is normally split in thirds between Amice, her parents and her hobbies. She is a very family oriented person. There is one thing that her father has never gotten her to learn, though, and that's to not get attached to things. Being in the lower class, they don't have the luxury to be able to keep everything that they want. She gets overly attached to things, especially if its something that she makes and wants to keep. If its something like a table, she'll feel sad for having to sell it but won't have the complete meltdown as she had when her father made her sell a toy she made. No matter what Velimir did, he couldn't get her to learn that. Now, he got her to be more okay with it but every once in awhile she'll refuse to sell something but will eventually give in. This won't be the case with her staff though.
XXXHobbies: ○ Woodworking/carpentry ○ Art (painting, sculpting) ○ Magic
XXXHistory: As tenants to the Knight Sir Wyot, the Dubravko family ran their own carpentry business. Their business was in part successful because of another family that was tenants to Sir Wyot as well, the Ranko family. The Rankos provided any lumber from the forest that the Dubravkos needed, and also provided Rennati with a best friend. The two girls got along well and whenever Rennati wasn't helping her parents she was traipsing in the forest or in the city.
From a young age, Rennati showed an aptitude for the family business as well as for magic. Jocasa, Renatti's mother, can recount the time that she first saw her daughters magical aptitude. The young girl was playing by a small pond with droplets of water swirling above her head as she laughed and played. The fellowship of mages of Knotwood were already one of the family's clients and an arrangement was made quickly that they would receive a pretty hefty discount in exchange for lessons. The deals were made and Rennati split her time between the Knotwood Mage Hub and her parents house ever since she was 16 years of age. Any time that she had to spend at Knotwood she enjoyed, but also hated because she always got homesick and missed her parents too much.
After spending more time there, however, the homesickness faded a little bit as she started learning more. Starting in the fellowship at such a young age meant that she was an augur for quite some time. It was the entry level position so she had to do quite a bit of grunt work but still enjoyed the lessons none the less. One of the reasons why she was an augur so long was because she had problems locating her aperture. This upset her greatly since she had to locate her aperture before she could start work on her staff. It took her a full three years to really locate her aperture since none of the other mages would help her. She would have gotten discouraged if she hadn't been so hardworking. At age 19, she was finally allowed to begin to make her own staff.
Her background with woodworking and carpentry aided her immensely. She asked for no help from her father or the Rankos, insisting that she must do everything herself. Being at the hub for so long as one rank, she tended to have more responsibilities around the hub therefore it made the completion time of her staff increase. She tried to spend most of the time with her family in Afron, but it became more and more difficult. Rennati started doing all of her chores in one day so that she could spend the rest with her family and working for the family business. If she was away from her family for more than a few days she really starts to get upset.
It took her another 3 years for her perfectionist self to be content with her staff. With the completion of her staff, she moved to the rank of mage. With her newest position, Rennati spent more time at the mage hub, and when she went home, she got used to hiding her Knotwood things as to discourage any potential thieves that might be around. She still crafts plenty of things for her parents to help them out, but she also had responsibilities at the hub that Rennati found difficult to balance with her home life. But she did what she could none the less.
XXXPlage Name: Velius XXXComponents: willow wood and amber XXXIntended Faction: Mages XXXIntended Alignment: Male - Locos XXXItem history:
XXXXXXXXXXThe staff's creator started it's creation in 1410, when she had turned nineteen years of age. Rennati had been taking lessons from the mages for approximately 3 years now and had seen a lot in their presence. With finally locating her aperture, she had been told that each mage makes their own, and she being a craftsman and a mage, thought it was her most important job yet. Although she hadn't ever had experience in the crafting of a staff, her carving and workmanship was very intricate. Her staff was her own little project that she kept secret from her father, wanting to surprise him with her craftsmanship. She took her time on each and every little process including choosing which wood she would carve it from. Remembering a large willow tree, Ren noted that the bows were fairly thick for such a tree. The supple wood would be good for carving. Spending a whole day out by the willow tree, Rennati tried to pick just the right branch. Choosing one of the larger branches, she carefully cut it down, making sure she did not cause it to splinter. Hauling the large branch back to the workshop, she put it in the side her father had sectioned off specifically for her so she could work in her own somewhat privacy.
XXXXXXXXXXBy year 1411, Rennati had carved most of the staff by then. The shaft had been carved to look like two branches had been twisted together. She had intricately and carefully carved connecting swirls in varying patterns all up the shaft. Halfway through the year, while helping her father, she found some amber within one of the trees. Knowing some of the metaphysical properties of amber, she knew that some of the staves she had seen had various precious stones in others so why couldn't amber be a part of hers? Ren tried to think of a way to incorporate the stone and could only think of attaching it to the top in some way. She had the idea then, inspired by the wood's natural flexibility. Carving vine like small sections into the top, she hollowed it out. Letting each vine curve in the same manner as the shaft and beet in a point at the top. Now was the issue of getting her now polished amber through those vines. Remembering how her father had once worked some willow wood, she went outside to make a fire. Borrowing one of her mother's pots, she filled it with water before setting it on top of the flames. Steam was produced then in which she stuck the top of the staff into, letting the steam make the wood more supple, flexible, and easier to bend. Working quickly, she bent two of the prongs just enough to shove the amber in. The ellipse shaped amber stood perfectly in the center, just touching the top and bottom of the hollowed out space. It was towards the end of that year that the staff was complete.
XXXXXXXXXXIn year 1413, the classes she had with the mages were helping her learn how to use her staff. When she was at home though, she kept it hidden in her room. Her father thought her craftsmanship was amazing, but still liked to make a profit. Jocassa, however, didn't pay much attention to the wares her husband and daughter decided to keep. And while cleaning one day, found the staff in Rennati's room. Thinking it was a piece she had just finished, took it out into the store part of the house where they kept their wares to sell. Standing at 5'10, it was as tall as most of the armoires in the store. It sold quickly, a man admiring it's detail who had little magical aptitude, but liked it none the less. Rennati came in later that night having worked on a piece all day to find her precious staff gone and was outraged. Her mother apologized as it became apparent that the staff she sold was the one her daughter had made for herself. Jocassa felt incredibly bad for selling her daughter's prized possession and promptly checked the records to give her daughter anything to go off of to get her staff back as well as his general discription. The man was older, with graying hair and balding. He was tall and thin, looking malnourished which had made Jocassa wonder how he had the money for the staff but was in no place to ask. Rennati then, searched all she could in her free time. She had spent two years of her life on that staff and was pretty attached to it. Halfway through the year, she had finally had a lead. She had inquired among some of the mages who told her of a man matching the description who had taken a few lessons awhile back who was now living in Afron and she was pointed in the general direction. A putrid smell rose to her nose as she sought out the house in the forest. Oh no, the smell of the plague was here, she thought. But she was on a mission, she would get her staff back. Covering her mouth and nose with a cloth, she found her staff propped up in the corner seemingly untouched. There was no sign of anybody inhabiting the house, perhaps the man had caught the plague and the house had been left empty for now. Darting in, she took it quickly, not knowing if it would become plagued or not but wanting it back more so. Taking it back to her house, it just barely fit in her armoire and she closed the doors. She didn't tell her parents about it, or even when she noticed the taint seeping from it's delicate curves. In order to cover up the scent, she often lit scented candles and/or burned fragrant flowers/woods. It didn't stay a secret long though, her parents found out as she was not very successful in covering the foul smell.
XXXConcept ideas:
XXXXX§XXXXXTop of the staff : except all the spokes would meet at the top in a point, maybe with a ball on top. Hmm, but it would be out of a single piece of wood, not little pieces of different ones.
XXXXX§XXXXXfull staff except the top rungs would come to a point (not with the hands) and the gem would be inside instead of on top. <3
Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2013 1:32 pm
Plague Personality
Personality #1
XXXWhat is a staff but a tool? A means to get things done quicker, more efficiently. A tool may have more than one use, but it is still used. Velius will take this concept of being a "tool" into a different context, as his duty to serve others. He is a willing tool, he was molded and shaped to fit Rennati's needs and he will do what he can to ensure that he can provide what he needs. This job doesn't always come easy. It's not easy to know that your grimm goes to a hub that looks down terribly on them and himself. But it is not his choice, Rennati is his grimm and he must stay with her, even if it means putting up with some less than pleasant people. Whether he knows it or not, this is actually for his benefit. Dealing with the mages that despise him has taught him patience. While their views are radical, he knows that someday, even if it's on their deathbed, they will come to see that it is not the fault of the plagues to be as they are. Just as humans did not choose to be humans, nor fish to be fish.
XXXVelius is very intelligent and has an aptitude for learning. Sir Wyot had an extensive library that he became enamored with the moment he saw. The Knight's view on plagues is considerably more lenient than most but still asks that the staff plague limit his time in the library as it makes the maids wary. That doesn't stop Vel from sneaking out of the house at night to travel to the Knight's home to gain access to the library when others aren't around. This used to scare the crap out of Rennati when she would wake up occasionally and find that Vel wasn't there but soon started to be accustomed to her plague's late night excursions.
XXXSome of the things he likes to learn about the most is any kid of art, be it painting, music, carving or anything else creative. His favorite thing to do is watch Rennati carve things. He's learned a lot of the concepts of wood working but finds it difficult to put into practice giving his small size as an exito. When Rennati provides him with a small knife to practice carving with, he will start with small pieces of wood, but normally just sticks to watching his grimm as carving is "her thing".
XXXWith most people, Veilus is very quiet. This comes from the same idea of being a tool. If someone wished to speak to him, they would initiate the conversation. He learned that all do not appreciate his view (like some mages) and that it was best for him to just remain quiet. Sir Wyot, though, is an exception (Of course along with Rennati). Ren usually attributes this to the knight's kind nature while Velius will take it further to say that he is an "exceptionally good man".
XXXPaired with his quietness, he will usually remain out of sight until he is needed. Rennati tries to break him of this, but Vel really likes her pockets! She had even thought about sewing her pockets shut but Vel reminded her that that would be illogical. He likes to go everywhere with his grimm, and since he is not appreciated at most places she goes, its easier for him to just hide in her pockets in quiet satisfaction.
XXXWhile some may say that he is easily influenced, this really is not the case. They may think that he's easy to manipulate, but in all reality, he just wants to help them! He was made to serve, so if there is anything that he can help others with, he will willingly (and happily) do so. Velius is smart enough to realize when a task may hurt someone or be detrimental to himself or his grimm. He will then politely turn down the task. He's not naive, though, and knows that there are times that you have to fight to protect important things but he picks and chooses his battles very carefully.
XXXIn his early life, Velius and Rennati will not have traveled much. Only to and from the mage hub and the Dubravko's home. This will change after a few months (see future plots for possible reasons why) and the pair will find themselves traveling a considerable amount more than they had. Velius will absolutely love this, though he'll miss the comforts of home and Sir Wyot's library. On their journey's Vel will paint various things as a source of entertainment for himself and his grimm. At nights when they've settled down to sleep, the plague will show his grimm some of his paintings and they'll work together and make up a story about the painting. This will be one of their bigger bonding moments and will help Velius break out of his shell a little bit as it will allow him to speak his mind.
XXXAlong with the different scenery they'll encounter, they'll of course encounter other people and plagues. Velius will have a certain fascination with plagues and their grimms. It doesn't matter which alignment the plague is, they all intrigue him. Talking with plagues will be the second thing that helps him break out of his shell some. Their grimms will add even more to that as he'll want to try and analyze their being (in hopes of finding a good love match for his own dear grimm). This will be the deciding factor that gets him to not be so clingy to Rennati, because he certainly can't ask the suitors certain questions while Ren is around! His running off will be a source of tension between the two until Velius finally divulges the reason why he spends time with other grimms as much as he does.
Overall, you can just call Velius an intelligent tool with an artistic and caring side. He likes getting to know other plagues and their grimms, but not so much ordinary people, unless they initiate the conversation first in which he will be happy to continue. He'll stand in the way of his own growth sometimes, for example his shyness, and other times it will be Rennati who keeps him from being all that he can by being overly protective. The two will find a balance...eventually.
XXXXXHobbies: Art, Finding Rennati's Soul Mate
XXXXXPowers: Magnify Magic: acts like a regular staff would and magnifies the power of whatever spell goes through him ?? ??
Personality #2: in the works (somewhat updated 8.11.14)
xxxVelius is a quiet plague by necessity rather than nature. His birth came as a shock to everyone except Rennati, who was still a little surprised. Rennati's parents came to accept him for one reason and one reason only: they did not want to offend and consequently "lose" their daughter. Inside the home, Velius must stay in Rennati's room or out of sight as to not scare away any customers the Dubravko's may have. Even accepting as they are, Velimir and Jocasa are still weary around him. He tries not to make anyone uncomfortable, so he generally refrains from speaking other than when needed. Outside the home is a very different story. When the pair aren't at the mage hub or at home, Velius is quite inquisitive and not really quiet at all. He often points out things that may be different than normal to his grimm or people he hasn't seen before. There is one person who Velius is closer to other than Rennati. In all his scholarly-ness, Velius had bonded with the kind knight Sir Wyot, who had undoubtedly seen exitos among the shoulders of the rich during his life time. The two share a special bond, being that Sir Wyot is one who Velius speaks to most often. They have long conversations on scholarly levels or even about the weather the previous week. The staff plague can quickly start to ramble in the presence of Sir Wyot as if he has to make up for all the words he hasn't said to others (since he always requires that they stop by Sir Wyot's when leaving/heading home).
With the exception of Sir Wyot, comes the outside world, formed or mostly mages who he resents. These Knotwood mages are all together unwilling to accept him for what he and Rennati are. He think's their views and opinions are closed minded. Even if they weren't as radical as they are whenever they see an exito, Velius wouldn't need any prompting to stay away from the hub. His resentment stems from the mages' views, and then is furthered by their treatment of Rennati after she becomes a grimm. Although Rennati hides her resentment well, it is still there. And with Velius' push, will cause them to travel to a different mage hub.
Velius has other reasons for wanting to travel other than finding a better place for himself and his grimm. He wants to meet other grimms and plagues, since Knotwood isn't the most ideal of places. His scholarly side has induced an insatiable curiosity in him about his own species. He starts thinking on this not long after being an exito. He questions where he comes from which is only furthered by things Rennati has told him. A mage's staff is a symbol of their drive to become a mage, since each has to craft their own, Ren told him. Her drive was transformed into a being that can help her futher so she believes he is a gift to her from some higher power telling her that she is on the right path. This only causes Velius to have more questions, questions that Rennati or Sir Wyot cannot answer. Why him? Why Rennati's staff? Are he and his brethren here to stop the plague? Or here to eradicate an inferior species and fill Panymium with a superior race? Velius himself believes they are here for some higher purpose, otherwise, why would new life come of something that only brings death. Vel wishes to search for answers, speaking to plagues and their grimms to get their stories, so that maybe each is a puzzle piece that can fit together to show the whole picture.
Velius has a kind nature that goes well with his curiosity. He's very courteous of people because he knows not everyone shares his views on what he and his grimm are. However, once he does find someone (like another plague) He may very well talk their nonexistent ears off with all his questions. When he is talking about other plagues is one time that he can get overly excitable, trying to absorb all the information he can. And even after he asks all his questions, if he hasn't annoyed the other by that time, he would enjoy idle conversation and just being friends!
While he is kind, that kindness doesn't always transfer over to everyone. Along with mages from Knotwood, animals don't particularly hold his attention. Although Rennati intends to specialize in familiarism, he isn't that fond of animals. One reason being that animals don't seem very fond of him. Eventually, he'll overcome this when one animal or another, perhaps after he grows.
Nilah44
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Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:41 pm
THE FUTURE.
Plots and the intended direction for Rennati and Velius xxxReasons for leaving home:
xxxxxx○While she was taking lessons at Knotwood, she'll hide Velius as a putesco because of their critical views. But once he grows to an exito, however, she'll decide to travel to a different mage hub whether because the mages of Knotwood found out she was a grimm and ushered her out quickly or just because she decides to take preemptive measures.
xxxxxx○Another possible reason as to why Rennat could leave home is that a rumor (true of course) that a plague is being housed in the Dubravko's business, scaring off most of the lower class income that they normally get. Not wanting her family to suffer, Veliius and Rennati leave home and with help from Amice the rumor will be denied and the Dubravko's business will flourish again.
○Velius, even as an exito, will begin his search for Ren's soul mate after getting to know each other. He becomes very attached to his grimm and will, at first, hide in her pockets whenever she is meeting someone new. This is kind of redundant for his search and he'll later find that out and stop being such a fraidy cat...or staff as he is.
Add in various encounters while traveling ^.^
When she gets to the new hub, she'll search for work (either starting her own business or working for someone else). Velius, by this time, should be more accustomed to other humans/grimms and will continue his search and even try to go off on his own, causing Rennati to panic and think her "staff" has been "stolen" again.
Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 5:55 pm
Kota Crit Notes:
XXXXX○ Add more personality to Rennati XXXXX○ Condense Ren's history & add conflict in that will seed her plots XXXXX○ Merge Mage history with regular history XXXXX○ Add a possessiveness to things that are "hers" XXXXX○ Change no book-keeping to book-keeping or thievery XXXXX○ Support magic? Enhancing magical abilities/make it easier for magic to be cast? White-eyed Quietus? "it'd be more pertinent to have his presence be able to like [7:16:58 PM] Kotaline Jones: amplify other peoples' magic [7:17:04 PM] Kotaline Jones: or make it easier for them to perform [7:17:08 PM] Kotaline Jones: like with less preparation [7:17:15 PM] Kotaline Jones: since he's a tool used to aid magic" XXXXX○ Magnifying magic: like someone could cast a spell through him and he could absorb it and release it as a more powerful spell [7:26:29 PM] Kotaline Jones: that way as rennati's powers get stronger, he'll be able to heal more effectively too XXXXX○ No Unique personality traits! Elements may have different affects on him, but minimize them to just 1-2 sentences. XXXXX○ Rewrite Vel's personality, remove hobbies and powers XXXXX○ No bond/empathy XXXXX○ Add in Environmental factors: he's patient like willow wood, but could that also come from working in the fellowship, where not everyone trusts him, and getting respect takes a lot of compromise?
Personality Fleshing XXXX• How does grimm-plague relationship affect him? XXXX• is it more hard for him to focus because rennati's got water powers and he's around her all the time? XXXX• does he know much about woodworking from seeing rennati work? XXXX• if he's intelligent and well read, does he know the knight whose lands rennati lives on? he needs to get books if he wants to read XXXX• is he very social? a people person?
Item influences XXX◘ easily influenced by others? like it could be easy to convince him of something or give him a pep talk or etc XXX◘ could be a natural team player or an inspirational person himself
Kota Crit #2 Rennati:
[6:37:36 PM] Kotaline Jones: but here are my thoughts on reading rennati this time around [6:37:45 PM] Nilah Lyn: its okay, I have the same next to my by my mouse. XD okie [6:37:52 PM] Kotaline Jones: i like the history a lot [6:38:04 PM] Kotaline Jones: you've obviously taken a lot of time to get to know the worldbuilding info [6:38:13 PM] Kotaline Jones: i do want to know more about like [6:38:17 PM] Kotaline Jones: what specifically she's studying [6:38:27 PM] Kotaline Jones: to stay that long in the fellowship she must have a passion, right? [6:38:34 PM] Kotaline Jones: what particular study is driving her? [6:38:45 PM] Kotaline Jones: what does she hope to do with her magic? [6:39:02 PM] Nilah Lyn: OH. I forgot to add that in there. She's (most likely) going to study familiarism and healing (with maybe some water magic) [6:39:10 PM] Kotaline Jones: so what does she hope to do with that? [6:39:26 PM] Kotaline Jones: and what does she want her career to be in the fellowship? [6:39:55 PM] Kotaline Jones: also, you said she had a lot of responsibilities in the fellowship b/c she'd been an augur for so long so it took longer to makeher staff [6:40:13 PM] Kotaline Jones: responsibilities to whom> who had she gotten to know in her time as an augur, and how did they affect her ambitions and outlook on life? [6:40:29 PM] Kotaline Jones: basically i'd like you to flesh out her time in the fellowship [6:40:54 PM] Kotaline Jones: did her studies also change her relationship with her family since she'd technically be on a better social footing than them? [6:41:13 PM] Kotaline Jones: what about her relationship with sir wyot or the ranko family? [6:41:50 PM] Kotaline Jones: i do like that you've introduced some plotting potential with her being torn between her old way of life and this new way as it becomes harder to balance the two [6:42:13 PM] Kotaline Jones: but i'd like to know more about what's appealing to her about the new way, since i feel you talk more about how she feels about her old life [6:44:17 PM] Kotaline Jones: btw tell me if im going too fast of if you need to interrupt LOL [6:48:43 PM] Nilah Lyn: allrighty! sorry I had to move to the dining room [6:48:48 PM] Kotaline Jones: it's fine! [6:49:02 PM] Nilah Lyn: okay give me a sec to pull up the needed tabs. XD [6:50:36 PM] Kotaline Jones: ALRIGHT [6:50:41 PM] Kotaline Jones: tell me when you're set [6:51:51 PM] Nilah Lyn: okayyy I think I've got it [6:52:33 PM] Nilah Lyn: Well, in regards to her studying familiarism, she'd be one of those who would be trying to figure out how a plauge might act as a familiar without an aperature [6:53:08 PM] Kotaline Jones: alright, so would this be before or after she got a plague? [6:53:16 PM] Kotaline Jones: i'd like to know what made her interested in magic before the fact [6:55:38 PM] Nilah Lyn: She had an affinity for magic when she was younger, and always thought it was neat whenever they woudl have pieces commissioned by the mages. Before she was a mage, she looked up to them. She would be unsure of what role she would want to have for her future in the Fellowship, but Ren would just want to contribute what she could. The familiarism would likely start before she got a plague, and would be increased when she did. [6:56:00 PM] Kotaline Jones: alright, so what made her interested in familiarism then? [6:58:24 PM] Nilah Lyn: The fact that it linked two beings together, and how an animal could help her with her magic. It would also give her a companion while she was away from home and would help with any homesickness she might have while at the hub [6:58:32 PM] Kotaline Jones: that makes sense [6:58:52 PM] Kotaline Jones: that could also come through in the staff's design [6:59:02 PM] Kotaline Jones: she could carve familiar patterns onto it [6:59:32 PM] Nilah Lyn: Hmm, that's definitely an idea. [6:59:45 PM] Kotaline Jones: ok so [6:59:47 PM] Kotaline Jones: i like the history [6:59:51 PM] Kotaline Jones: i think it is much better [6:59:55 PM] Kotaline Jones: and it's definitely getting places [6:59:57 PM] Kotaline Jones: !! [7:00:09 PM] Kotaline Jones: im going to go over the personality briefly but there isn't too too much to say [7:00:39 PM] Kotaline Jones: i like the base you have but i'd like to know how studying with the mages changed her b/c that must have really broadened her horizons [7:01:03 PM] Kotaline Jones: i'd also like to know how she deals with compromise since she seems like she has to deal with it more often now [7:01:26 PM] Kotaline Jones: also, she's loyal, but she seems to also have trouble admitting when she can't fulfill her responsibilities [7:01:36 PM] Kotaline Jones: so does this stem from pride or stubbornness maybe? [7:01:42 PM] Kotaline Jones: fear of failure? [7:02:00 PM] Kotaline Jones: whatever it comes from, it'd be a good addition i think [7:05:06 PM] Nilah Lyn: Studying with the mages would have changed her, for the most part, with the amount of energy she has. She would learn to tone it down and save it for when its acceptable. She would still have a slight problem with compromises, but obviously she can't throw a temper tantrun with her elders at the hub like she can with her father. She'd give in gracefully but would most likely be inwardly pouty for a few days afterwards. She would definitely have a problem admitting her downfalls and it would be because of a mixture of stubbornness and a fear of failing. SHe knows that her father letting her go to the mages cut down some of the things they could have had to sell, so she would be afraid to let him down. [7:05:24 PM] Kotaline Jones: alright! [7:05:29 PM] Kotaline Jones: i think it's improtant to mention [7:06:03 PM] Kotaline Jones: and i'd also think that it'd be good to mention any frustrations she might have with her family and friends as her interests become things they can't necessarily relate to [7:07:06 PM] Nilah Lyn: Allright! So her personality and history will be edited to include her more of her thoughts/feelings/traits related to the fellowship
Kota Crit #2 Velius:
ok so [7:44:37 PM] Kotaline Jones: for velius i'm going to start with personality [7:47:26 PM] Nilah Lyn: okie dokie. I'll be on and off so if I go offline just send offline messages. XD [7:47:31 PM] Kotaline Jones: ok! [7:48:02 PM] Kotaline Jones: my primary concern with velius is he's too passive to be a main character [7:48:30 PM] Kotaline Jones: i see the angle you were going for with the staff as a tool thing but he still needs to be the main character [7:48:48 PM] Kotaline Jones: and his only hobbies are art and finding rennati's soul mate, one of those things is entirely about his grimm [7:49:06 PM] Kotaline Jones: plus he's so quiet and passive, that i don't see him talking to a bunch of people and going out of his way to do that [7:49:20 PM] Kotaline Jones: and i don't see why finding rennati's soulmate would interest or benefit him [7:49:52 PM] Kotaline Jones: also, going back to rennati's personality, it'd be interesting to see how being looked down upon by the mages like you mentioned in velius's personality affects her [7:50:37 PM] Kotaline Jones: how does sir wyot treating him with respect whereas the mages don't affect velius's thoughts on humans? [7:57:19 PM] Nilah Lyn: I plan on Velius' personality changing quite a bit after they leave knotwood since they would encounter other grimms and plagues. He may try other hobbies and may even try to further his own magic, depending on what kind he gets. The finding the soul mate thing derives from his item and what Rennati being his grimm means in their general social circle. He'll feel bad that it would be difficult for her to find a husband and would want to help. As for the last comment, I'm not quite sure I understand what you're asking? Lol [7:57:57 PM] Kotaline Jones: i would hint at how his personality might change then [7:58:10 PM] Kotaline Jones: and i would also mention if he's ashamed to be a plague right now or not and like [7:58:44 PM] Kotaline Jones: explain his guilt for estranging rennati from people when she seems to really struggle with anything that makes her different from her family and people she wants to fit in with [7:58:58 PM] Kotaline Jones: i would mention why he thinks finding her a soulmate will fix things [7:59:06 PM] Kotaline Jones: is he naive? idealistic? [7:59:38 PM] Kotaline Jones: and if he feels bad about things that happen b/c he's a plague, how does sir wyot treating him well and with respect make him feel? [8:00:26 PM] Kotaline Jones: what sorts of things is he interested in himself? what kinds of books does he like reading about the most? what are his own aspirations regarding his future? does he ever think about his own romantic fortunes if he thinks a lot about rennati's? [8:00:52 PM] Kotaline Jones: if he hates to be a burden, would you say he has difficulty asking others for help or admitting he can't do things like his grimm does? [8:01:09 PM] Kotaline Jones: who is he talkative around and what about them makes him talkative? [8:01:32 PM] Kotaline Jones: what does he think of the world outside of rennati's world and is there anywhere he especially wishes to see? [8:10:16 PM] Nilah Lyn: I'll add in how his personality might change then. (heart) And Sir Wyot would be one of the reasons hes not ashamed to be a plague, really, he would just be sad for those mages who hold that predjudice towards his kind. He would definitely be naive. He would be mostly interested in the stories and fabels that keep his imagination active. He would also like learning about magic and other plagues. He aspires to be a good plague in the sense of helping others instead of killing them. He would like to get to know every plague if he could and would most likely try to relate the plague/grimm relationship to any story he might have read. And if there is none, he might try writing some. Vel himself won't really think of his own romantic future.
He'd would have a difficulty admitting he couldn't do things as he would view it as a failure and would most likely try to find the nearest library to find out how it can be achieved.
As far as places he'd like to see, there aren't any specific places as of yet, but more of people he'd like to meet. Like the Grand Magus Estratus and Sloane [8:10:57 PM] Kotaline Jones: has he heard stories of sir sloane? [8:11:06 PM] Kotaline Jones: does it make him feel good to hear of a famous mage plague? [8:11:28 PM] Kotaline Jones: also, is he particularly religious, since that's a structure that kind of demands things of people and gives them a purpose? [8:12:02 PM] Kotaline Jones: he needs to have some sort of drive beyond his relationship with rennati [8:12:15 PM] Kotaline Jones: he's the main character but he's still very passive, though i do think he's improved [8:13:32 PM] Kotaline Jones: that's about all i have to say critwise though [8:13:36 PM] Kotaline Jones: you've come a long way! [8:14:24 PM] Nilah Lyn: Okie dokie. I'll try to figure out some other kind of drive for him. But thank you for thinking he's improved!
He would have heard some stories about Sir Sloane, but mostly just heresay from locals they might come across. In the beginning, he wouldn't be religious, but he may turn to it later.
Nilah44
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Nilah44
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Posted: Mon Sep 23, 2013 7:16 am
Special thanks to:
theLimeTree, Sesshy552, The Semblance of Unity, awendybird, ex o ex Snoof, and kotaline.
Without all of these people's help I would probably still be flailing. <3
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